Is this tacky?

TerriHugg · November 2012

So i'm getting married at an all-inclusive resort in the bahamas. And worked out a group rate for my guests. I think it's pretty good. The rate is $450 per person for 4 day/3 nights. Took a long time to find. You know the usually ladies...

Well here's the dilemma. I had a few people I invited say that they are going to the wedding but staying a different resort. That would be fine if the resort didn't charge extra per person for the reception for off-resort guests plus their pass. Reception is $30 per person which isn't bad. But then I have to pay more for their alcohol set up. The day pass is $75 per person for off resort guests. And their meal goes up to $40 per person. That means for every guest not staying at the resort I have to pay $110 which adds up pretty quickly.

Do you think it would be tacky to ask guests not staying at the resort we chose to take on the $75 per person day pass fee? I think it sounds tacky but at the same time I really can't afford to pay $110 for every person who chooses not to stay with us. Plus, having people stay at a different resort kinda defeats one of the purposes of having a destination wedding.

Thoughts?

Britj1030 · November 2012

Thats a difficult one... Maybe you can tell them the situation and see what they say, you don't want to offend them. But I do understand your pain I am paying for 4 guest who decided to fly in instead of taking the cruise with us.

TerriHugg · November 2012

Thanks. I was thinking about talking to them about it. But of course, I'm trying to find the best way to bring it up.

Julyet06 · November 2012

Damn my whole reply didn't post (my darn lap top)

In a nut shell..my resort charges $85pp for a day pass for a half day...about $160 for a full day! We refuse and cannot afford to pay this! From the moment we chose the resort we have notified all guests that if they choose to stay at a different resort, they will have to pay this fee to enter our resort for any wedding related activities.

For a private dinner we have to pay $50 to $75 per person depending on how long we decide on having it and that does NOT include having a bar plus the extra tables we have to pay for since we have over their "minimum" number of guests.

You should let them know as soon as possible that if they choose not to stay at your resort they should factor in the cost of the day pass to attend any wedding functions.

HappyMaddie · November 2012

I don't Think it is tacky to let them know that they will have to pay for a guest pass! Just shoot them an email and tell them how muh the guest pass is. Also double check that How many outside guest you are allowed. I was only allowed 4 at my resort.

tiny speck · November 2012

I do think it's tacky. I don't think your guests should have to pay an admission fee to attend your wedding, especially since they are making a trip to a destination wedding.

HappyMaddie · November 2012

As a DW we ask our guests to pay "admission" bt travelling for our wedding, just most of the guests stay at the chosen resort. So again this isnt tacky. I didn't have guests stay off site but a few were considering it so I let them know of the day pass fee ASAP.

JennyR01 · November 2012

That's such a tough call to make. I can't call it "tacky", though. Everything is so different with DWs. FI and I decided that if any of our guests wanted to stay elsewhere that we would cover the $77 day pass. BUT, all of our guests so far want to stay on the resort with us. It's so much easier that way.

TerriHugg · November 2012

Thanks for the responses all. I'm so confused about this one.

It's just so frustrating. But I feel like having people stay at a different resort defeats one of the purposes of having a destination wedding. I mean if I wanted to just spend a couple of hours for one day with my guests I would just have the wedding back in NJ. And then also, there's the financial issue. I just feel bad asking people to pay for the day pass to get onto the resort when they are already paying to travel for me. It's such a tough call.

Those of you who did ask your guests to pay the day pass, how did you tell them. Were people mad about it?

Julyet06 · November 2012

There is no way to appease everyone, whether you have a local wedding or not. There are going to be people who consider this tacky and there are also people that consider having a DW as tacky. So far, no complaints from our guests have reached our ears and if they are grumbling about it behind our backs, so be it.

Once we chose the resort, we sent an email (a packet that our Beach Bum Travel Agent made up) in addition to verbally telling people where the wedding would be and running down specifics (resort pricing, dates) including the fact that anyone not staying there has to purchase a day pass to attend any function occuring at the resort. This same information is also included on our wedding website.

[Deleted User] · November 2012

How far out are you from the wedding? Are these guests already booked at the other location?

I could totally see if you had let guests know about the fee right at the beginning - that way they could have booked their travel and made their choices with that in mind. If you haven't ever made mention that there was some kind of additional fee for guests that aren't staying on the resort I feel like it gets a little tricky to bring it up - especially if all travel arrangements have already been made.

I know that as DW brides we do things a little different than the rest of the TK but I still feel like depending on what your situation is it might come off a bit rude to bring up the fee now (especially if everyone is already booked). That's just how I would feel personally if I was in the same situation - if you told me in advance that I have to pay a fee if I choose offsite I would totally understand. If you told me a week out that I have some additional fee and I had not heard anything prior to now I would be pretty peeved.

If your guests haven't booked yet and can switch I can totally see you letting them know that there are some fees invovled if they choose to stay offsite.

Meg&Austin · November 2012

I would ask these people if they have already booked and let them know that if they stay at a different resort your resort will charge them to get in and eat/drink when they show up. That way your putting it on the resort and not on you. But I also don't knowhow how this works if you have to pay before hand or if they can pay when they show up.

TerriHugg · November 2012

I'm 7 months out from the wedding. As far as I know, those people haven't booked as yet.

I think I just might deside against having them pay the $75 day pass. I've been told by multiple wedding planners that it is tacky to ask them to pay the day pass.

I'll just cut back on those individual's welcome bags. LOL

shannon5176 · November 2012

It comes off as charging admission to your wedding. Your guests are already spending a huge amount of money to come be a part of your big day. Asking them to pay another $75 is somewhat rude IMO. You can't tell your guests where to stay. It is THEIR vacation as well as YOUR wedding.

What I would do is talk with these people. DO NOT bring up the fact that it's going to cost YOU more money if THEY choose to stay somewhere else. I would tell them, "We really hope you will change your mind and stay at the resort we have chosen. We'd like to be able to spend other time with our guests besides just the wedding day and if you stay at another resort we won't get as much time with you." Then if they say, "Well we'll just come over another day" that is your opportunity to let them know that your resort requires people visiting to pay for a guest pass. Tell them "we will be covering this on the wedding day for anyone choosing to stay elsewhere" but we simply can't provide that for you any other day". Maybe they take the hint.

angybanez · November 2012

Not tacky at all. Just let yoru guest know that you and your FI did your best to findt he best rate for the hotel and ensure the wedding day will be a blast for everyone. If they choose to go with another resort, you will understand but they should remember that during the day of the wedding they must pay the full day pass fee since the resort has a policy with off-site guests. For any other activities pre-wedding and post-wedding, if your guests decides to attend, they will need to pay again the day-pass fee.

Not many know that the fee exists so they think it's OK to stay at another resort.

Is this tacky?

Re: Is this tacky?

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