Not Engaged Yet

Hopeline

I just need to confess something and I hope you guys won't look down on me for it, and I'm not doing it to be an attention whore. I might DD later because them internets is a dangerous place, but I don't want to announce it on FB. I called a suicide hotline tonight. No, I am not suicidal, but I am depressed. FI was asleep and I couldn't, I was just up, angsting. I read, I watch TV, but I decided what I really needed was to talk to someone. Problem was, it was after 1am. I always see messages on PostSecret about Hopeline, about how they saved their lives, just because someone was there to talk to. I know you girls are here for me, but I decided I needed a comforting voice. For the first time, to a complete and unjudgmental stranger, I unloaded. I told him everything that had gone wrong in the past year. Job wise, money wise, health wise. I cried. I wept openly. He listened, reassured me. He said I need to realize that asking for help doesn't make me a bad person or a burden, and calling Hopeline was a good step in the right direction. He gave me a number to call that will help set me up with free mental health care if I wanted it. I cried all over again, because I had no idea that was an option. I'm writing this on my phone while sitting on the porch. I am wearing only my coat over my pajamas - no shoes, socks or gloves. But I'm okay. I feel lighter. Thanks you guys, for listening. I love you all. I'm sorry if I made you guys depressed with this post but I trust you. I feel so at home on this board. I stood before my kitchen wall earlier today, covered with cards from Liv, lunar, GPB, Irish and several others....and I got so overwhelmed that I cried again! FI asked, what's wrong? I said - nothing is wrong! I just feel loved! I think that's it for me right now. My fingers are quite numb. Good night, ladies <3

image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

image 98 are coming to party!

image 29 have other plans

image 43 need to respond!

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"Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

"True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg

Re: Hopeline

  • B, I think you are amazing.
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • The person you talked to is 100% correct, you definitely took a step in the right direction! 

    If I could give you a big hug right now I would! I may be only 20, but I've been in your exact place not too long ago. Talking about your problems and your feelings is the best thing you can do when you're down and you are so lucky to have so many people who care about you :) 

    Things are looking up and can only get better for you!!
    Also, there is absolutely no looking down on your/judging from me! You have all of my T&P :)
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh B I am so glad you called.  I am so glad you feel so much better.  I have been really worried about you but I didn't know what to say. I am so glad you are getting help.  Keeping you in my prayers love and I am always here if you need to talk or cry.  *hugs*  Oh and BTW no one looks down on you for this post.  Realizing you need help and taking steps to get it is so hard and so brave.  If anything, we are all proud of you. <3
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Oh, Bside, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I've been there, so if you ever need to talk, please PM me. I work nights, so I'm awake a lot pretty late, even when I'm not at work. I think it takes a huge amount of strength to acknowledge that you need help, and even more to actually seek it out. I hope you have good luck with the number they gave you. No one should have to live life depressed and overwhelmed. You'll be in my thoughts, and we're here for you, whenever.
    image
  • I am so sorry you feel this way. I am glad you called though defintely a step in the right direction.  That is great there is the option for free mental health services for you.

    Lots of hugs are being sent your way. I <3 you.  PM me anytime if you want to talk.

    Anniversary

  • Stina51286Stina51286 member
    2500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    B I am so proud of you for taking the step and calling to talk to someone. Also if you're looking to talk to more people search the American Foundation for Suicide Prevent. No you may not necessarily be thinking about suicide but there is so much support on that page.
    If you need anything at all, I am here. Lots of hugs to you!


     

  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Your post didn't make me depressed at all, it made me proud.

    B, you are doing the best you can and that guy was right to say that asking for help doesn't make you a bad person or a burden.

    I'm proud of you for taking that risk of doing something unknown and calling. It looks like it ended up being a very positive experience for you and that you'll get even more out of it too!

    Just remember you are an amazing person!

  • I'm glad you took that step and hopefully, slowly but surely, you'll start to feel better and know that things will get better. You are very loved, by your FI, by your family ad friends, and certainly people here. Just remember that.

    And you have my number if you ever need to talk! 

    *hugs*
  • Good for you, B! I hope you look into the free mental health care! It's great! I've recommended it to students before. There are many free services available to you. ::hugs:: Also- check out THIS link. Lots and lots of resources- lots and lots of people in the same boat as you...or worse.

    You done good!

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  • B - that was a courageous step. I'm so glad you reached out for help when you thought you needed it, and I hope you keep doing that. Obviously, we are always here for you, but professionals can give you the exact tools and help that you need at that time.

    Hugs!
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    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hopeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7b7d865c-2990-413a-b5f9-a046e19fc9e8Post:6bd5c73f-27a5-4845-b60c-fea7a6f3c6ad">Re: Hopeline</a>:
    [QUOTE]B, I think you are amazing.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    This. You are so awesome bside.

    That's great that you called them and had someone to talk to  - it sounds like that person was pretty awesome as well. The fact that you gave yourself what you needed, and recognized how loved you are, makes me feel like you are going to be just fine.

    We love you no matter what. There is no shame at all in knowing yourself well enough to know when you need a little extra help. I admire the crap out of you. I'd kick anyone that judged you for that.
  • Ollie08Ollie08 Central FL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Can I just say that you are a much better woman than I am? When you were feeling that way, you got up the courage to call and you made the right choice. I was in a similar place not too long ago and I did nothing. Thankfully it turned out for the best, but it could have been SO much different. I'm so proud of you for reaching out and asking for help.

    And I agree with Audgie, you are amazing. Just know we are always here for you. xoxo

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks, guys. Reading your responses made me cry all over again. Thank you for your support and your advice. I had some weird notion in my head that I'd be flamed for this. After I hung up with Hopeline and wrote out that post, I went back to bed and slept like a rock. When I woke up (about 10 minutes ago), I felt ... well, I don't know how to describe it. I still feel depressed, but I feel like I'd dropped some heavy bags I'd been carrying. FI is working an extra long shift at the bank today but when he gets home I am going to tell him about Hopeline and what I learned about the free counseling. In the meantime, I just want to reiterate how lucky I am to have friends like you - also, I'm sorry if I worried anyone on here or Facebook. Sometimes I say things and I don't think about who might read them.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • Way to go B! I've worked with mental advocates and I just decided to turn my Psych minor into a major. I also have dealt with my own demons over the past few years. If you ever want to talk feel free to call me at ANY hour of the day! I will PM you my phone number.
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  • Oh bside. I love you! I'm proud of you for making that step. Good job! You're a strong woman. You can do this!!

    I'm pm-ing you my phone number. If you ever want to talk, text or call me. My phone is on loud all night long!!
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
    image
  • Thanks so much, all

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • Bside, I'm so proud that you took that step. Asking for help is so hard, and I'm so glad that you were able to reach out, and that they were able to give you an option for further help. As the others have said, you are seriously one awesome lady! Please don't feel badly for posting this, we're here to help! If you ever need to talk/vent/cry to a sumpathetic ear, get in touch with me, I'm more than happy to listen! Sending hugs & thoughts your way!
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