I just need to confess something and I hope you guys won't look down on me for it, and I'm not doing it to be an attention whore. I might DD later because them internets is a dangerous place, but I don't want to announce it on FB. I called a suicide hotline tonight. No, I am not suicidal, but I am depressed. FI was asleep and I couldn't, I was just up, angsting. I read, I watch TV, but I decided what I really needed was to talk to someone. Problem was, it was after 1am. I always see messages on PostSecret about Hopeline, about how they saved their lives, just because someone was there to talk to. I know you girls are here for me, but I decided I needed a comforting voice. For the first time, to a complete and unjudgmental stranger, I unloaded. I told him everything that had gone wrong in the past year. Job wise, money wise, health wise. I cried. I wept openly. He listened, reassured me. He said I need to realize that asking for help doesn't make me a bad person or a burden, and calling Hopeline was a good step in the right direction. He gave me a number to call that will help set me up with free mental health care if I wanted it. I cried all over again, because I had no idea that was an option. I'm writing this on my phone while sitting on the porch. I am wearing only my coat over my pajamas - no shoes, socks or gloves. But I'm okay. I feel lighter. Thanks you guys, for listening. I love you all. I'm sorry if I made you guys depressed with this post but I trust you. I feel so at home on this board. I stood before my kitchen wall earlier today, covered with cards from Liv, lunar, GPB, Irish and several others....and I got so overwhelmed that I cried again! FI asked, what's wrong? I said - nothing is wrong! I just feel loved! I think that's it for me right now. My fingers are quite numb. Good night, ladies
170 Invited (holy crap!)
98 are coming to party!
29 have other plans
43 need to respond!
"Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979
"True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg