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Bridal Shower Invites Drama

KejekiKejeki member
10 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
I'm having a somewhat limited wedding (my venue can hold no more than 100) and my bridal shower will be held in my home which can only seat about 11 comfortably.  I only mention this because if I had more space, or money to rent a space, I would probably just invite every female that is invited to the wedding, to the bridal shower.

As it is, I invited my mom, dad's girlfriend, MOH, aunt, a couple of friends, and my 3 female cousins.  From my fiance's side I had to do a little research as to what is appropriate.  Everything I read said that I was obligated to invite his mom and grandmother (which I would have anyway), and his sister, if he had one.  So I invited them and asked my fiance if there was anyone else in his family that he is close to or thinks I should invite.  He said no.

Then today he received an email from his mom saying that his aunts are not invited and are hurt.  She also asked him "how are they supposed to get to know (my name) if they're not given the chance?"  I feel awful for upsetting them!  My fiance is explaining to his mom that it was simply because we did not know that they should be invited, as we're new to all of this wedding stuff.

So here's my question - should I send them invites and pretend that nothing happened?  Should I include a letter in the invites apologizing, or would that make the whole thing more awkward?

Sorry this is so long, and thanks for the help ladies!
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Re: Bridal Shower Invites Drama

  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You don't host your own shower.  That means you shouldn't be inviting people, you shouldn't be finding the location.  You shouldn't be planning it.  If someone else is hosting and wants to use your home, fine, but you shouldn't have thrown your own shower.

    That said, you should have checked with your FMIL as to who should be invited from that side of the family.  I'm leaving it up to my FSIL, who is hosting my shower, to decide what to do about her family.

    I'm honestly not sure what to tell you at this point.  I'd reach out to your FMIL, apologize for the misunderstanding, tell her that you hadn't expected them to want to come and didn't want to look gift-grabby, and ask her what she thinks.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-invites-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a1184a15-7423-4f49-ac54-354824c26e6ePost:116da49c-7999-48f8-b82a-fa7d5c521b9d">Bridal Shower Invites Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm having a somewhat limited wedding (my venue can hold no more than 100) and my bridal shower will be held in my home which can only seat about 11 comfortably.  I only mention this because if I had more space, or money to rent a space, I would probably just invite every female that is invited to the wedding, to the bridal shower. As it is, I invited my mom, dad's girlfriend, MOH, aunt, a couple of friends, and my 3 female cousins.  From my fiance's side I had to do a little research as to what is appropriate.  Everything I read said that I was obligated to invite his mom and grandmother (which I would have anyway), and his sister, if he had one.  So I invited them and asked my fiance if there was anyone else in his family that he is close to or thinks I should invite.  He said no. Then today he received an email from his mom saying that his aunts are not invited and are hurt.  She also asked him "how are they supposed to get to know (my name) if they're not given the chance?"  I feel awful for upsetting them!  My fiance is explaining to his mom that it was simply because we did not know that they should be invited, as we're new to all of this wedding stuff. So here's my question - should I send them invites and pretend that nothing happened?  Should I include a letter in the invites apologizing, or would that make the whole thing more awkward? Sorry this is so long, and thanks for the help ladies!
    Posted by Kejeki[/QUOTE]
    You shouldn't be hosting your own shower. If you want to have some friends and family over, go for it, but don't call it a bridal shower.

    You can host a get-together/meet-and-greet at a restaurant or something. This way you won't be limited by the seating in your home.
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  • KejekiKejeki member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am not hosting my shower.  But I did provide a list to my MOH for who I wanted to be invited, since she doesn't know everyone.  Also, it is in my home simply because she doesn't have a place to host it and asked if we could use my house.  I said yes.
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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-invites-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a1184a15-7423-4f49-ac54-354824c26e6ePost:3afcedc7-e994-458b-b6a5-78f371d3142d">Re: Bridal Shower Invites Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am not hosting my shower.  But I did provide a list to my MOH for who I wanted to be invited, since she doesn't know everyone.  Also, it is in my home simply because she doesn't have a place to host it and asked if we could use my house.  I said yes.
    Posted by Kejeki[/QUOTE]

    That's fine then, but your first post made it sound like you were the one hosting, issuing invites, and planning. Hence the responses you got.

    I stand by the rest of my post though.  You don't HAVE to invite the aunts; it's not a requirement.  But since they're upset, I'd talk to your FMIL, apologize, and ask her if she thinks you should invite them now.  It doesn't sound like you don't want them there, so I see no reason not to apologize and explain, an extend the invitation.
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  • asialee2asialee2 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Let your FMIL know that you understand why they are hurt by not being invited, but inform them of the space issue. If she is still persistant then extend the invite to them.
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  • heinz11mswheinz11msw
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just stay out of it and say you cannot help the space issue.
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  • CranburyBrideCranburyBride
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would let your FMIL know that you are just not able to hold that many people in your house.  It is nothing personal just a space issue.  And that if they really wanted to get to know you as well as be included in your shower anyone is more then welcome to throw you a additional shower on another date.  It is 100% appropriate for you to have more than one shower and everyone doesn't need to be included in each one.  As you are not the one throwing the shower it is really out of your hands.  Your FMIL should understand this.
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