No full mass?

Re: No full mass?

• agapecarrie member

  

  February 2013

  You have to have readings whether it is a mass or not. Extraordinary ministers don't have to be selected, the priest can minister the Eucharist under one species.

  
  

  When both people are Catholic, it doesn't make any sense to have a wedding without the Mass. The infinite graces you get from the Sacrament, the unity actually happens with the Eucharist. To turn that down simply because only  a few guests will be Catholic is really not sufficient reason. The Nuptial Mass isn't primarily for your guests (although EVERYONE that attends will benefit from it)--- to have the mass offered for you both and your marriage is incredible. Please please listen to your priest and have one.

  
  

  
  

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• bfsboo

  

  February 2013

  I guess I didn't even know that about the readings... Not sure why it wasn't explained to us before! I do understand the importance of the full mass and I'm not opposed to it. His response just came as a surprise to me because my mom (who is an extreme Catholic) was the one who said we didn't need to do it in the first place. Guess I should start doing more planning!

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• Resa77

  

  February 2013

  While I have known of nonMass weddings of two Catholics, there typically needs to be a good reason. I agree that it would have been nice to know your ceremony guidelines before now, but I'm glad you seem open to having a Mass

   

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• professorscience member

  

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  FWIW, we also had only a few Catholic guests (and a huge guest list) and we still had a full mass.  We were told we didn't have to (I'm the only Catholic in my immediate family and my parents were pretty uncomfortable), but as Carrie said, it's about uniting the couple.

  
  

  To my knowledge, no one felt uncomfortable or isolated.  We actually had a lot of people tell us it was the best Catholic wedding they'd ever been to.

  
  

  If you don't have a lot of guests, and especially if most of them are not Catholic, then communion will really not add all that much time to your ceremony.  If you want to shorten it, eliminate unnecessary elements: no unity candle, no "everyone stand around while my cousin who went to music school sings a solo," just liturgy.

  

  
  

  
  

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• bfsboo

  

  February 2013

  Thanks everyone! I guess we first decided not to because I have severe social anxiety and didn't want to be the center of attention any longer than necessary, but I'm actually feeling pretty good about this now. Also, my mom was saying it would be awkward with all of the non-Catholics there but can't please everyone I guess!

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• lalaith50 member

  

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  At some churches they put the bride and groom in the sanctuary and it's *totally* like they are the center of the wedding, so I can understand how that would cause anxiety, especially for the extra time required for a Mass. Could you talk to your priest about having it set up so you are somewhere else, like for example, how we did it (and I've seen it done at some churches, especially smaller ones,) is the bride and groom are basically up front, but not on the altar; just in the middle of the aisle, and there are chairs and kneelers, and they are facing the same direction as the congregation, so you never have to *feel* like everyone is looking at you, since you don't see them; you are just looking at the priest along with them. Only for the vows you stand up and face eachother, and then see the congregation. (I *loved* that we did that!I I've never thought of this til now, but subconsciously, every time I go to a wedding where the bride and groom are like "on display," I feel really bad for them, lol!)

  

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  February 2013

  FWIW, my H and I both hate, hate, hate being the center of attention. We were up in the sanctuary the whole Mass, but it was such a holy experience, neither of us has ever commented on feeling uncomfortable with it. (Our first dance, on the other hand . . .)
  
  I like to look at it like this, the ceremony is about you and your FI uniting as one before God and His Church. The reception is to the thank the guests for witnessing that ceremony. You should do what's right for you for the ceremony, and it sounds like the Mass might be the way to go, and be a good hostess to your guests at the reception. We had a real mix of Catholics and non-Catholics at our wedding and no one said a word to us about it (which isn't to say no one complained, just that they knew better than do so to our faces).

  

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• professorscience member

  

  February 2013

  Also, I couldn't see a single person out in the pews during our wedding.  I was just focused on what was happening.  

  

  
  

  
  

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• Calypso1977 member

  

  February 2013

  i personally think that as two catholics you should have the nuptial mass - it provides for extra graces and blessings for the couple.
  
  do not worry about your guests feeling "awward" or "uncomfrotable".  as long as your invitations state there is a mass, anyone who might feel this way can opt not to attend.
  
  i will NEVER UNDERSTAND why it seems like only Catholics get concnred abotu offending people with their weddigns.  you never hear of jewish or muslims or other faiths having this concern.  guests  need to respect the religion of the couple and their choice to be married in it.

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• bfsboo

  

  February 2013

  
  Thanks for the advice/support! I do feel anxiety still but it will go one of two ways -- 1. I will feel all eyes on me and break out in hives (but even then, the photographer can always edit, right?) or 2. I will feel all of the emotion and excitement of the day so nothing else will matter. I have e-mailed our priest back to let him know that we decided on the full mass, so hopefully all goes well. I really like the idea of facing just him until it's time for the vows. I want to be focused on my fiance and the priest and the experience and hopefully that's what will keep me from having a panic attack.   I have always been proud of being Catholic, but hearing that other people were going to feel akward made me feel like I should take their feelings into consideration... but you guys are right, that's not a good enough reason to not have as much Jesus in our cermony as possible!

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