No Registry Advice

vparmley · March 2010

My fiance and I are not registering for gifts (we've lived together for 10+ years and neither need nor want anything.) I know that some friends and family members will want to do or buy something anyway. What he and I would prefer is that people make a donation to charity. (We'll have a few suggestions on charities that we like and support.)

Should we put this information on the invitation (instead of saying the couple is registered at XYZ say that we're either not requesting gifts or that in lieu of gifts we'd prefer a donation to a chairty)? Can we include that information on our wedding website?

Thanks in advance!

mandybear7 · March 2010

No. You can't dictate someone's decision to donate to charity. If they want to donate to charity, they will. In this case, they want to give you a gift.

It definitely should not be on an invitation. There should be no reference to gifts on invitations.

jinxed8605 · March 2010

You can put registry info on your website. The only invitation registry info can go in is a bridal shower, otherwise it is gift-grabby, tacky, and rude. Also, I would make a small registry for those that want to purchase gifts. I really don't think most people will want to donate to a charity that is not of their choosing as it may contradict their beliefs.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

I would honestly stay away from a charity "registry." For several reasons.

Charities are a very personal decision. While some people might support the same causes you do, they might have issues with certain organizations. (I would gladly donate to Goodwill but NOT the Salvation Army, for example.)

Donating to a charity is not a gift to you. You do not get a tax credit. If you get money for your wedding, you can turn around and donate that to a charity if you'd like.

Many people, especially in older generations, want to give a physical gift to help the couple in their marriage. Yes, even if you are living together and have plates/pots/wine glasses and towels. Things do break or wear out. Are you saing you have fine china? A bread machine? A really, really nice blender? Everything?

To some, charities look a little tacky, as though you are ungrateful for a gift. Really. You don't need ANYTHING?! FI and I have a really nice, expensive set of pots and pans. We live together. We have for several years. We have a kitchenaid food processor, a decent set of knives, and more wine glasses than we can ever use. We still went out and found about 50 items to register for on Sunday. A potato masher! A cupcake carrier! A linen table cloth! And the registry staple: a kitchenaid stand mixer. Some people will see you as snobby and rude if you are outright declining any gift.

So to recap: I wouldn't do it. But if you do, treat it like any other registry and only mention it if asked directly.

Brie2010 · March 2010

I agree with MsMerymac. There should be no info regarding gifts on the invitation at all. If you choose not to register, people will likely give you cash or a check. You can then do what you please with that, including give it to charity.

MNVegas · March 2010

Agree, you never put registry info on invitation. Also there will be people that will want to buy box gift so come up with something unless we want random stuff you may never use. I am big on charity donations, but I do not want someone telling me who I should donate to. If you as a couple want to do a donation in lieu of favors, that is ok, but I would not expect your guests to.

Tatum88 · March 2010

I don't think there's anything wrong with charity registries. If you are worried about it though you can make a few different charity "funds" using a website like myregistry.com and then you can also add a handful of upgrade type gifts in the rare case that anyone would be morally opposed to donating to the charities you picked. I don't think many people would think this was rude though. Then you can just list myregistry.com as your registry on your website or by having someone email guests or whatever you decide. It is usually best to leave this type of info off the invitations though.

Galaxy8227 · March 2010

Never put registry info on a wedding invitation. Putting that you are interested in donating to charity on a website is ok, some people might really like that you are doing this. However, some people might not feel comfortable with this and might still buy you household items.

aharris114196 · March 2010

I also think it's a good idea to register for a small amount of items. It doesn't necessarily need to be a huge list, but there will be people who are going to buy something regardless of whether you want it or not, so you might as well pick out something you like.

vparmley · March 2010

Thanks for the suggestions; I totally spaced the invitation and had I thought about it more would have realized NOT to put that in the invite and wouldn't have asked in my OP.

We really don't need anything and after having been together 12+ years (living together 10) it seems tacky to register for things; we both feel it would look like a gift grab. Nearly everyone is travelling to our state for the wedding, so family and friends are paying for hotel accommodations and it seems greedy to register at all. I'll just ask my MOH and family members to spread the word if people ask.

I like the myregistry.com idea, that's incredibly helpful!

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