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HELP - Second wedding (we are older) and sister wants to throw us a "couples shower"

jlsproutsjlsprouts
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in Second Weddings
Okay so I dont know what to do. My fiance and I are getting married in June. This is our second marraige both. He is 52 and I am 41. We both have 3 children each from our previous relationship. My children live with us 16,13 and 7. His are all older 26, 24, and 17.

His family took much longer to warm up to the idea and some are still having a few 'feelings" about the whole thing. So we are getting married at my fathers lake property and have quite a few people coming. Its actually getting alot bigger than we first thought we would have. Originally I wanted something small and quaint.

Anyways, my step mom informs me that my sister is trying to plan a couples shower for us. I feel really silly having a shower at all. Especially a couples shower. I am supposed to gather names and address to invite. How do I let my sister know that I would rather not have a shower. I dont want to have everyone feel like we want all these gifts. Its just really something that feels awkward for me with this being our second and somewhat touchy issue for some of his family.

HELP........
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Re: HELP - Second wedding (we are older) and sister wants to throw us a "couples shower"

  • wendyjoy182wendyjoy182
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Perhaps you could tell her how you feel about the shower idea and that you appreciate her wanting to do something nice for you two and why not just have an engagement party instead I think less people would think to bring a gift to a party rather than a shower. So you sis can still be happy she got to do something for you and you guys can be comfortable with it too. Just an idea.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    June is 2 months away, sort of late to have an engagement party.  Why don't you propose a different sort of event to your sister?  Something like a ladies luncheon- or a spa day - with a very small, select group.  You and your sister/ SILs, step mom, closest friends, maybe the female children.  Keep it VERY small, have a blast together, giggle and call it a day.  Would you be more comfortable with that?  That's a much easier group to talk directly to to say - don't need or expect a gift, just the gift of an afternoon of your time would make me very happy. 

    Proposing an alternative plan would be better than kiboshing the event altogether.  ~Donna
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our wedding is a long way off, but we need NOTHING (other than a garage sale to get rid of stuff since we each have a home) so I'm hoping no one wants to throw us a shower. If they offer, I will thank them and explain that if they want to do something, let's talk about alternatives. 

    Explain to your sister that a shower is intended as a way for people to provide a newly married couple (usually young) with things they will need to start their lives. You really don't want this experience.

    Donna's ideas are great. Since these services might cost a little more, maybe have the attendees share in the expenses? Another idea would be to ask your sister (if she's standing up with you) if she'd like to do something like pay for the wedding party to have hair & makeup done the day of the wedding? That's something I'd never thought to do, but realize that maybe at my age, what other better day is there to do this than your wedding?

    Good luck.
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  • miriamardmiriamard member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think the idea of an alternative shower is best.  You could ask your sister to just have a cocktail hour and include on the invitation that it is a card shower, not a gift shower.  That way people feel like they're coming to give you good wishes, not so you accumulate more 'stuff'.
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  • jlsproutsjlsprouts
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all your great responses. I ended up talking to my sister and basically my stepmom called her and brought the idea up. My first marraige was a quickie ceremony at this cheapy place called the Hitching Post. No showers, no dress, nothing. My stepmom and sister wanted to give me everything I never had before.

    However as I spoke to my sister she was very relieved because we both have crazy busy schedules. She understood completely and so did my step mom....whew! I had the back up ideas of the alternatite parties IF she would have felt bad.....but she is happy that I am happy with not doing one.

    By the way....my name is Jacque and we are gettig married June 19th.
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  • adrianzbrideadrianzbride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad it all worked out the way you wanted it to! :)
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