situation resolved

whitneyj22 · January 2012

resolved.. thanks

banana468 · January 2012

There is nothing to address. The title of MOH is based on your relationship with the person and is an honor based on that - it is NOT based on a workload you think she should have.

zitiqueen · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:88ea6b8e-db13-4770-980c-627d2c7fda2d">Help! One of my MOH not doing anything!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi there, I decided to have two MOH's in my wedding. The problem is, that one of them is doing ALL the work!!! I just don't think it's fair to her that the other MOH is slacking in ALL areas... How do I address this? I just think it isn't right for her to have that title when she hasn't done anything.
Posted by whitneyj22[/QUOTE]

You're supposed to give the MOH title to your nearest and dearest, the person you'd call at 3am to help you bury a body, not the person who can tie ribbons on bubble wands the fastest.

It's not her "job" to do anything other than buy the dress, show up for the wedding, and witness your marriage license. If you need help, ask your FI. It's his wedding too.

lbarr088 · January 2012

MOH's are supposed to do work?

1. Relax
2. I hope you haven't delegated work to the MOHs. IF she has volunteered to do some stuff then that is cool.
3. Have your FI help you, as PP said... it's his wedding as well. Otherwise don't bite off more than you can chew thus forcing people to help you do things. MOH=/=slave.

em01092 · January 2012

Lower your expectations of your MsOH and look at what the "more involved" MOH is doing as a bonus and a gift to you. Your "less involved" MOH is not doing anything wrong. Maybe she does not have the time/money/energy/interest to help plan showers or events for you, which are optional, by the way. The other MOH can collaborate with her on things, but her participation isn't required.

RaptorSLH · January 2012

PS: Deleting your post is not well received. You were quoted, so we can still see what you said. Even if you had not been, the content of the replies would tell us much. Allowing your post to stand for other brides to learn from is better received than trying to hide the question you asked.

ratzlaf4 · January 2012

come on guys, you can comment and give advice but your comments sound very condescending. usually, MOH isnt just a title...they do the bachelorette party, other random tasks and give a speech at the reception (thats if they want to, not forced) everyone has different views of how theyre wedding should be and who should have what role in it. coming from someone who has recently joined this site and started using these boards and has had this recently happen...its not fun to feel ganged up on so just think about your words and the way you say them.

zitiqueen · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:b000e645-b286-454a-a3dd-118a246419a4">Re: situation resolved</a>:
[QUOTE]come on guys, you can comment and give advice but your comments sound very condescending. usually, MOH isnt just a title...they do the bachelorette party, other random tasks and give a speech at the reception (thats if they want to, not forced) everyone has different views of how theyre wedding should be and who should have what role in it. coming from someone who has recently joined this site and started using these boards and has had this recently happen...its not fun to feel ganged up on so just think about your words and the way you say them.
Posted by ratzlaf4[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should head over to <a href="http://www.weddingbee.com/" rel="nofollow">www.weddingbee.com</a> where they validate bad ideas and crappy behavior, like treating your bridesmaids like slave labor and holding the threat of kicking them out of the wedding over their heads if they don't devote enough of their lives to your one-day party.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:b000e645-b286-454a-a3dd-118a246419a4">Re: situation resolved</a>:
[QUOTE]come on guys, you can comment and give advice but your comments sound very condescending. usually, MOH isnt just a title...they do the bachelorette party, other random tasks and give a speech at the reception (thats if they want to, not forced) everyone has different views of how theyre wedding should be and who should have what role in it. coming from someone who has recently joined this site and started using these boards and has had this recently happen...its not fun to feel ganged up on so just think about your words and the way you say them.
Posted by ratzlaf4[/QUOTE]

I agree that people can be over the top here, but this thread isn't one of them.

Do you really want your MOH to feel like she has all this work to do? I asked nothing of my MOH except to show up to the wedding. I love her. I wanted to honor her. Nothing about tying programs or cooing over dresses is involved. The sooner you (the royal you) realize that, the better it is for everyone. No more hurt feelings, no more anger and kicking out of weddings, and just more happiness.

em01092 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:b000e645-b286-454a-a3dd-118a246419a4">Re: situation resolved</a>:
[QUOTE]come on guys, you can comment and give advice but your comments sound very condescending. usually, MOH isnt just a title...they do the bachelorette party, other random tasks and give a speech at the reception (thats if they want to, not forced) everyone has different views of how theyre wedding should be and who should have what role in it. coming from someone who has recently joined this site and started using these boards and has had this recently happen...its not fun to feel ganged up on so just think about your words and the way you say them.
Posted by ratzlaf4[/QUOTE]

<div>We're just honest. Sometimes people are a little rude, but no one here was rude. OP needs to realize that these are her friends and that the wedding industry wants you to believe the job of a MOH is to do all of the things you mentioned. Yes, MsOH typically throw showers and organize b-parties. Like you said however, this is IF they want to do so. Or many times they <em>want</em> to but cannot afford to due to work, kids, illness, travel, etc. </div>

whitneyj22 · January 2012

Holy crap ladies... I understand I was quoted. But like and earlier post said I was looking for advice, not to feel attacked. So because everyone was blowing up on me i felt it easier to just delete my post so everyone would relax. I completely understand that they are not "required" to do anything... But when one can't even offer help the other felt a little frustrated. I never said I felt like they were required. I just needed help mediating the siuation. Not crazy ass yelling at me. I was simply stating that I felt it was unfair to one of them. So I would rather figure this out myself then be yelled at. So there is no need to keep posting. thank you

freebread03 · January 2012

Wow I don't usually even check this board out, but I did, and read through all the posts, and nobody yelled at you. in fact, people were pretty nice. They gave you honest answers that would, hopefully, let you better understand how your post came off.

Go back and read what you wrote-you want to change the title of one of your MOHs because she isn't doing as much as the other.

I've got great friends, but I certainly wouldn't have the time to help someone choose dresses, address invites, etc. I work long hours and have my own priorities. Does that mean that I'm less of a friend than someone who has time (and wants to help) address invites, tie ribbons etc? Nope. Come on now!

zitiqueen · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:bd46a4c3-143a-4e0e-acde-60955df511c5">Re: situation resolved</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy crap ladies... I understand I was quoted. But like and earlier post said I was looking for advice, not to feel attacked. So because everyone was blowing up on me i felt it easier to just delete my post so everyone would relax.<strong> I completely understand that they are not "required" to do anything...</strong> But when one can't even offer help the other felt a little frustrated. I never said I felt like they were required. I just needed help mediating the siuation. Not crazy ass yelling at me. I was simply stating that I felt it was unfair to one of them. So I would rather figure this out myself then be yelled at. So there is no need to keep posting. thank you
Posted by whitneyj22[/QUOTE]

If you completely understand that members of your bridal party aren't required to do anything, in what what way was this one slacking? Your words, not mine.

KatePlusNate04 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:bd46a4c3-143a-4e0e-acde-60955df511c5">Re: situation resolved</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy crap ladies... I understand I was quoted. But like and earlier post said I was looking for advice, not to feel attacked. So because everyone was blowing up on me i felt it easier to just delete my post so everyone would relax.<strong> I completely understand that they are not "required" to do anything..</strong>. But when one can't even offer help the other felt a little frustrated. I never said I felt like they were required. I just needed help mediating the siuation. Not crazy ass yelling at me. I was simply stating that I felt it was unfair to one of them. So I would rather figure this out myself then be yelled at. So there is no need to keep posting. thank you
Posted by whitneyj22[/QUOTE]

First, no one was rude and no one attacked you. They gave you honest advice so you wouldn't do something you regret with one of your MOH's.

Second, the bolded part is not true based on your OP. If you truly felt they aren't required to do anything, this would be a non-issue. Your situation is simply that one MOH loves doing wedding stuff (hopefully you didn't ASK her to) and has offered to go above and beyond. The other MOH is a good friend (hopefully) who is being your MOH but has not offered to help you plan your wedding. Which is FINE. MOH's don't plan weddings. Brides, grooms, and possibly wedding planners do. The sooner you realize that, the easier your life will be.

divadancer11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_one-of-moh-not-doing-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5a7d72b4-21fc-4ec5-8948-b0681fead9a1Post:bd46a4c3-143a-4e0e-acde-60955df511c5">Re: situation resolved</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy crap ladies... I understand I was quoted. But like and earlier post said I was looking for advice, not to feel attacked. So because everyone was blowing up on me i felt it easier to just delete my post so everyone would relax. I completely understand that they are not "required" to do anything... But when one can't even offer help the other felt a little frustrated. I never said I felt like they were required. I just needed help mediating the siuation. <strong>Not crazy ass yelling at me</strong>. I was simply stating that I felt it was unfair to one of them. So I would rather figure this out myself then be yelled at. So there is no need to keep posting. thank you
Posted by whitneyj22[/QUOTE]

No one was yelling........if they were it would BE IN ALL CAPS. just sayin.

situation resolved

Re: situation resolved

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