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concert over my bach party??

jillo2011jillo2011
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My bachelorette party is this saturday. Yesterday my bridesmaid that has been planning my party informs me that she is not attending the whole party because she got tickets to go to a concert that night. FREE tickets, she did not have to pay for them and could have said no thanks to the person who gave them to her. We have been friends for 12 years.. she isn't my MOH but my MOH is seven months pregnant so the BM stepped in to plan this party. She offered, I did not ask her to. When she informed me that she was going to this concert (Kid Rock) over my party I got really upset. It hurt my feelings. She is the one I have been telling over and over how much I am looking forward to Saturday night. She knows how much it means to me. I finally told her today that it hurt my feelings that she is going to this concert. She acted like she didn't care and even called me a B!#@H! I don't know what to do. I told her if the concert was that important not to even bother coming to the first part of the party. I will just get too upset if I see her. I don't expect her to apoligize, that's not like her. I don't want to lose her as a firend, but I also don't want to be treated the way she is treating me.

Oh and come to find out she has done nothing to "plan" the party besides sending out invitations. She said since they were my friends that she figured I would follow up with them. I'm planning a wedding... I don't have time to call 25 girls to see if they can come. I made the time to call them all today, so now I feel like I've really planned my own bachelorette party which makes me feel even worse. I just want to have fun.

Am I wrong for telling her not to even come? At this point I don't even want her in the wedding anymore. She's supposed to be the one helping me since out of my 4 BM two are 7 & 8 months pregnant and the other lives out of the state. I don't know what to do.
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Re: concert over my bach party??

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    rknox88rknox88
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, if really all you did was express that she hurt your feelings by choosing the concert over the party she was 'planning' she was out of line to call you a bitch. If that is the case then, no you weren't wrong.

    I can understand why you are hurt. Just try to move past it and have fun with your other girls.

    Also, Kid Rock, really? I'd rather stick my finger in a blender.
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    beamer84beamer84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she can still attend part of the bp. So, she will be there for you for part of the day. Also, she got free tickets to see an artist she likes! I think that's awesome! She's your friend, so you probably see her a lot outside of the bp. I say, be happy for her getting free tix, and be glad that the timing works out so she can attend the concert and still go to part of the bp. I understand that it is disappointing to not have all of your friends at the bp, but this sounds like a reasonable excuse to me.
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    jillo2011jillo2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies.
    If she never went to "free" concerts I guess I would be a little more understanding. Her uncle works at a radio station and gives her tickets to various concerts all the time. She also left my bridal shower early to go to a concert. If she doesn't attend the second part of my bach party then NONE of my BMs will be there. (like I sad before 2 are pregs and I they don't need to be in a smokey bar and the other is out of state) She picked the date for the party because it was the "only" weekend she had available before the wedding.

    I guess I'm just really upset because she knew how important this night is for me and still decided to bail.
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    mellimel19mellimel19
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That definitely sucks, but try not to let it ruin your bachelorette party. Even if your BMs aren't there for the second part of the party, it sounds like a lot more girls were invited, so try to make the best of it and enjoy the company of those who are there. Have a great time! :)
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    That does suck, and it really hurts when a friend prioritizes you lower than you would have prioritized them.

    That said, with so many of your bridesmaids unable to attend, would you be better off planning something you all can do on a different night?  Perhaps a spa day for mani/pedis and then a movie night at home with ice cream sundaes and watching wedding-related flicks?  Might be fun, and something everyone can participate in!


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    jillo2011jillo2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It would be nice to do something with all of them together... but my wedding is next weekend so I don't see that happening.
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    jcamm11jcamm11 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_concert-over-bach-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:27b3adf3-89ec-40c0-b59a-e0a584ce4e3cPost:947237ac-bbbc-4a74-86e6-f69927d80d92">Re: concert over my bach party??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also, Kid Rock, really? I'd rather stick my finger in a blender.
    Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]

    hehehe...

    I think it's seriously rude of her to coordinate this party half way, then just drop it and expect you to finish planning.  And to plan a party, then not show up?  WTF?  I would be pissed as well, you would have been much better off without her "favor" of throwing you a bparty..
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why dont you plan to do something with the other 2 BMs instead of going to a bar? Maybe  mani/pedis or movie night or something like that?
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think all you can do is make the best of the party, you can still have fun with the people that do come :-)

    What she did is crappy, but don't let it ruin a good time.
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    TootsieKTootsieK member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Go to the party, make sure everyone has a wonderful time with lots of laughs and great memories, and make her jealous as hell for missing it!  Living well is the best revenge.

    You say you don't want to lose her as a friend ... just how do you define friend?
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    Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So the BM invited other people to bach party she was supposedly planning/hosting for you, then cancelled ont he committment when she got free tickets to something she'd rather do?

    You might gently explain that a bride does not host her own bachelorette party.  When she issued invitations, it implies she's hosting or organizig the event, and doing the planning.  If she will not be there to honor that committment, ask if she could at least contact the guests or give you the guest list so they can be told the bachelorette has been cancelled. 

    You might also ask her if she's planning on changing any other plans, like being in your wedding.
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    mrsjustinm2bmrsjustinm2b
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_concert-over-bach-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:27b3adf3-89ec-40c0-b59a-e0a584ce4e3cPost:27772c33-521f-4e1a-88d8-c09c0c4b9133">Re: concert over my bach party??</a>:
    [QUOTE] You say you don't want to lose her as a friend ... just how do you define friend?
    Posted by TootsieK[/QUOTE]

    This!
    Your "friend" sounds like a bitch and a piece of work. Personally I would tell her I hope she has tix for night of the wedding since only friends have been invited and she doesnt seem to feel like being one at all. What a rude and ignorant cow...seriously.
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    jillo2011jillo2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She and I obviously define "friend" differently. She didn't come to my party at all and I have not talked to her since friday when all this started. I had an AWESOME time at my bparty. A few of my real friends who aren't even in the bridal party really came through for me.

    Her BM duties have been replaced by someone who really wants to be there for me on wedding day.
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