Ways to get FMIL involved in wedding?

sarah42nd · June 2010

I want to get my future mother in law involved in wedding planning but she has always been very controlling . My fiancee is an only child and they don't get along very well.I don't want to give her to much to do because if I do she will try and take over the whole wedding but I still want her to be involved. Does anyone have any suggestions? I have already got my wedding dress. I am buying my bridesmaid, my mother, and my FMIL a gift to give when the wedding is almost here. I am getting them this bag ( http://weddingshop.theknot.com/weddingwa… and each one will be filled with different things. I am also having a spa day and treating them all . Any suggestion are appreciated . Thanks in advanced.

Side Note: My dress is being made by my mother so I won't really have dress fittings. My mothers also making our wedding cake. My FH doesn't really like his mom she is very controlling. One of the problems we have with her is that she feels everything should be done on her time. Here is an example she called us on Sunday after church and asked if Jackson my step son could spend the night at there house , we told her no because Jackson mother was picking him up on Monday ( Jackson's mother doesn't like my FMIL ). Justin suggested they could come to our house. She just hung up the phone. Well then she calls back at 2:30pm and says well were coming over at 3pm . We were like well have fun coming over but we won't be there. We already had plans for the afternoon to go to a friends house for a cook out . Which she would of known if she listened to my FH.

Thanks in Advance.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

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genevievenavarro · June 2010

My FMIL is helping me make center pieces. If you already have the supplies I don't think she can control much there.

therockisblinding05 · June 2010

My FMIL has been super involved in the RD (2 days before the wedding) and another party for the out of town family the day before the wedding. She has had complete control over everything and I think really feels involved in doing something. It's customary for the groom's family to host the RD, so why not pick her brain a little about that?

sarah42nd · June 2010

I like the centerpiece idea the only problem is I think she might feel like I want free labor. I think the RD would be great for her to plan . I would go shopping with her but I think she might get offended like I think she can't pick out her own things. She HATES shoppping. Thats one of first things she told me. She hates cloths shopping, grocery shopping. She goes into JC Penney and grabs things off the clearance racks and gives them as gifts even though she knows there the wrong size for the person . But she says well it was only $2.50 and maybe you'll lose weight or grow 5 inches. She did that with my sons first birthday paerty she bought him 6-12 month clothing and she was like well you guys need to realize I bought those shirts 2 months ago . I was like you should of gave them to him sooner. But she was like oh well then he wouldn't have the most presents from me then. I think the RD might be a good thing . I am just afraid that she might offend people from our church and my family.

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Pretty Parula · June 2010

Wow she sounds like a peach.

therockisblinding05 · June 2010

lol I like Britt's idea..def. have someone along side of her.

jmucheech21 · June 2010

Wow, good luck with that!!

It seems like you are not super close with her. Is it necessary that you involve her in the planning? Maybe I am just a bad FDIL, but, my fiance's mom doesn't talk to me about the wedding, so I don't talk to her about it. She doesn't really seem all that interested and never asks me anything about me when we talk. She actually rarely talks to me, period. Haha. So, anyway, being that I am not that close with her, I don't really plan on including her in anything on my end. Maybe you could do the same? Or maybe I am terrible? I don't know..

Theresa626 · June 2010

I would try my best to NOT have her involved unless she asks or insists. Then I'd give her something to do that I wasn't super picky about. She sounds like someone you'd want to avoid.

sarah42nd · June 2010

Yeah Jennifer I hear you there. I am tempted to not include her but then I think she might through it back in my face. I have more stories on my blog. I need to update it but life has been crazy the last few weeks. Here's the link... http://changingdaysforme.blogspot.com/

She a little crazy . She is very controlling . It's pretty annoying and my fiancee is an only child so she has no one else to go annoy . Thank god she doesn't have a key to our house because she could just come over whenever she wants.

I think pairing her up with someone would be a great idea but I don't know if I could do that to someone. I have very conservative relatives . ( there old school Jehovah Witness ) I think she might give my Ahmama ( Gma) a heartache .

Pretty Parula · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_ways-fmil-involved-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:bc0f4aff-aef7-4c6a-a106-cc66cb3bd01fPost:fedb7090-c32b-4a5b-a4d8-7bac4b859399">Re: Ways to get FMIL involved in wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think pairing her up with someone would be a great idea but I don't know if I could do that to someone. I have very conservative relatives . ( there old school Jehovah Witness ) I think she might give my Ahmama ( Gma) a heartache .
Posted by sarah42nd[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL</div><div>
</div><div>I was already thinking that before I even read this. (Not the JW thing, just the 'I don't want to make someone else suffer' thing.) She'd probably have a problem with you teaming her up with someone else anyway. I'd avoid the whole mess unless she brings up the wedding stuff frequently, and then it's kinda obvious she wants to do something. It sounds like she's going to have a problem with whatever you do/don't do to include her anyway, so you probably won't win this one. You can either stress yourself out about making her happy and fail, or you can just not and let her fester on her own. IMO festering boils need to be popped, but before the wedding might not be good timing. ;)</div>

sarah42nd · June 2010

Pretty. Yeah I hear you there. I can't wait till we have more children .... She's going to even worse . Because she says "grandparents have special privigles to do whatever they want with there grandchildren."She only lives like 10 minutes away from us too.

Pretty Parula · June 2010

Oh sweet Jesus. That's how my ex's mom was about DD (still is) and it makes me insane. When DD was a baby she would get all pissy with me because I did things a certain way with DD and asked her to do the same. She yelled at me about it one time "I already raised two boys and I did a damn good job so who are you to tell me it's not good enough for my grandbaby!"

Oh, I dunno, just MY CHILD'S MOTHER. There were so many thing wrong with that conversation it was just ridiculous. And now that they're my ex-family, I can tell her to shove it whenever I want. =D

sarah42nd · June 2010

Lol. I mean it's it is like they lose all sense of the fact that your the childs parent not them . She hates it. I have a stepson who is 19 months . I have taken care of him since he was 5 months old , The mom's not to involved with him and we just got full custody , she willing signed over her rights. So basically I am his mom . She hates it when my Fiancee backs me up on things I tell her to not do with him . WWe are mormon so we don't drink tea and what not. But what I don't understand is why would she want to give a baby sweet tea, she did that when he was like 11 months. , tried to put it in his bottle. The thing that pisss me off the most about FMIL is she just runs around in circles with everything. She always brings the same things up over and over again . She hates r the fact that we put a cap on the amount of gifts she can give him for bday and christmas. Last christmas she gave him like 20 things and half of them were broken or the clothing was too small. She also wrapped all his gifts indiviually for a 12 month old. She got him this farm set that had like little people , houses, animals, and trucks and she opened it and gave it to him in separte presents. My fiancee thinks she was trying to make herself fell better because she gave him more present then anyone else. She has a craigslist addiction . She told us a few months ago she stopped buying him things . But she lied we were at there house the other day and she is stock piling toys in her extra bedrooms closet. Its sad. We told her if she gives more presents that were donating them to charity . I mean his whole bedroom , our back porch , our backyard, our garage are FULL of presents and then she gets mad when she notices a toy missing.

Pretty Parula · June 2010

Ok that's insane. Every bit of it. Sounds like she has some sort of hoarding issues (among other things). Mayber HER Christmas present this year should be visits to a counselor. You could wrap separate gift certificates for each day in separate boxes. Just sayin'.

sarah42nd · June 2010

Yeah . I just couldn't believe it and she wanted Jackson to open every single one of his presents and he was only one. I mean come on. I was smart and just put everything in reusable gift bags. For some reason she thinks the gift wrap paper is cheaper then saving gift bags and reusing. So for the holidays that we give her gifts we always put them in reusable bags. For the last year she trys to get us to let Jackson spend the night at her house and every once in a blue mom we let them. What i think is weird is she only wants him on Saturday night usually. So we drop him off there at like 7pm and then pick him up at nine. Jackson goes to sleep at around 7-8pm so when we usually drop him off he is sleeping and wakes up at around 8am . So i have no clue why she wants him while he is sleep. But hey at least that easy. Then I know she can't be doing anything to crazy with him. We just got full custody of my stepson .

But for the last year the schedule was suppose to be THursday we pick him up and then Monday Jackson's mother picks him up. So it's not like we had Jackson everyday . She would get mad because I keep saying well Justin needs to see his son too. Justin works on Thursdays and Friday so he doesn't see Jackson might on those days . But if FMIL took him every Saturday and keep him till Sunday morning Justin would barely see him.

I kind of feel bad for her sometimes but then she does it to herself.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

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Pretty Parula · June 2010

They don't consume caffeine.

sarah42nd · June 2010

Actually it is part of our words of wisdom ... Well if we wanted to drink it we can . Its kind of like a guideline that we follow. Kind of like a food prymaid but not. Here's a article about it .
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/the-commandments/obey-the-word-of-wisdom

Caffeine is not on the words of wisdom ...yet. Alot of people believe that caffeine is addictive so they choose to stay away from it. There are some mormons who drink tea that do not come from the tea plant . Coffe and tea have stimulation and addiction tendencies.

The words of wisdom is more of a guideline then a law. This is also why we are not having alcohol at the reception.

Now I still hang out with people who don't follow the words of wisdom but there are some people who go to the extreme and don't hang out with anyone who does not follow it. But there are extremes to ever religion tho.

Hope this helps.

jmucheech21 · June 2010

Wow, all I can say is I'm sorry. Hopefully she will sane up as she gets older. =/

sarah42nd · June 2010

I thinking maybe as she gets older she will forget who we are .... lol . Then we won't have to deal with her complaining becuase she will just forget . Then she won't worry about everything else that is going on .

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