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Getting married again after losing a spouse

jamiet03jamiet03
in Second Weddings
Hi All,

This is my first post on any of the Knot message boards.

I lost my first husband to pancreatic cancer (I was only 28) in February 2009. We were married for six years and one week when he passed away. Now I'm engaged to an amazing man and we've set our date for November 2011. I couldn't be happier, and more excited.

Since this is my second wedding, and his first, I'm curious about how traditional we should be. My first wedding was a surprise wedding in Las Vegas, so I didn't do any planning, and this time around I really want the two of us to plan and coordinate everything.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. :)

Jamie
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Re: Getting married again after losing a spouse

  • kimp67kimp67 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry for your loss, I'm glad you found happiness again!  What I've kind of discovered is there are no rules!  Do your day however the two of you want! 
    Congrats!
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations and welcome to the board!

    The previous poster is correct there are no rules have your wedding your way!  Do what you and your FI want.  It's a celebration of your love and commitment to one another.

    HTH
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  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement, and welcome to the boards!

    I'm sorry for you loss, but as a previous poster stated, there are no rules.  You can makeit a formal traditional wedding, with 200 people and a huge ballgown, or a informal, intimate affair, with only immediate family.

    You can do whatever makes you and your FI happy!
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board Jamie. Congratulations on finding love again.

    Look around at all the pics and options, there are hundreds of them.

    As we say here, do what makes YOUR heart sing!

    There are the traditional rules of etiquette that you must follow. It makes me a little nervous when people say there are no rules.

    The no rules part means you can wear a white gown as a second time bride, you can wear a veil if you choose to,  have a reception with dancing, have the kind of ceremony you want etc.

    The rules of etiquette still apply, like you don't ask for a shower or bachelerotte party, those kinds of things......

    We have a resident etiquette expert in our moderator, so if you have any etiquette questions, she can help answer them as will the rest of us.

    Congrats and happy planning! Ask us anything, we generally have an answer for everything.
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  • SeptemberFall2011SeptemberFall2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    and mourning periods lasted for years and involved black crape veils.

    That made me chuckle a little bit.

    But I think whatever you want for your wedding you deserve!  Good luck planning over the next 11 months!
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  • shanana1224shanana1224
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow... My story is similar. We were married for almost 16 years and he passed away Feb 21, 09. I have 3 kids and am now enaged to be married in May of 2011 to an amazing man. He actually was my high school sweetheart that I ran into shortly after my husband passed away. I was only 19 when I got married the first time. My mom did all the planning. :) Now I am having to do it by myself. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and being able to get on with this life that is so short!!
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  • NZbride2011NZbride2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As the others have said, I'm so sorry for your loss, but so happy for you finding love again.

    I'm in a similar situation as this is my second wedding, and my FI first wedding.  We are having what you call a "traditional" wedding because it's actually what he wanted.  We are still keeping things very intimate and very "us", as well as doing the destination thing (in New Zealand).  It's still hard becuase I have a lot of ppl always ask why we are having a "wedding" when I've already been married.  It really bothers me, but I just tell them that we are doing what we want to. 

    But as all of the others on here have said, there are no rules.  Do what makes the two of you happy. It's about your celebration of love, and your commitment to each other.  Oh, and I'm also an 11/11 bride.  :D  Happy planning in the next 11 months.
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