Help me with tipping!

ChiGirl2013 · October 2012

I'm getting envelopes ready for the 12 billion people we have to tip on the wedding day. However, everything pretty much came as a complete package, so I have no idea how much each individual service costs. I emailed the coordinator and he said he didn't have a breakdown because they work on a "bulk" basis and don't pay "market value" for the items/services.

Well, great. But how much are these people expecting from us? We have:
Officiant
Ceremony musician
Photographer
Baker
Trolley driver (will take our guests on a 1 hour tour while we take pics. We may end up needing 2 trolleys.)
Reception coordinator
Wedding planner dude
Person in charge of our room block & Rehearsal Dinner space at the hotel
Airbrush makeup person (coming to my hotel room)
Hair stylist (coming to my hotel room)
Carriage driver (taking me from hotel to ceremony site - about 15 minute ride)
Florist? (Not sure how to do this, since everything will be delivered to the coordinator at the ceremony site.)

We're from Chicago and the ceremony is in Georgia, so I can't even begin to fathom how much these services cost, since Chicago is WAY more expensive than Georgia. I don't want to cheat anyone out of money, though.

Christine9866 · October 2012

Ah, i have not even thought about this yet! so good post
Here is a post of something i found on my local board... i did also see something somewhere else stating what i found as well.

"i was under the impression that you should tip someone under these circumstances
1) they do not own their own business (because they will not be getting the whole amount of what they are charging you for their services)
2) if they go over and above the necessary to make your day special, they should get a little something for that (even if they own their business)"

officiant--some may just ask for a donation--i would look into this
wedding block-- i didn't even think about doing this-- but it sounds like yours did a lot more then ours did i.e. booking your rehersal dinner
hairdresser/makeup--i would tip normally what i give when i get my hair or make up done.
baker--did not even think about tipping this person....

ChiGirl2013 · October 2012

I don't buy into the "don't tip the owner of a business" garbage. (And yes, maybe that's because I have a VERY small business of my own.) If the owner is the one actually doing the work, why wouldn't you tip them? They're still there, still providing a service, still giving up time they could be spending with their own families. If they do a fabulous job and have earned the tip, why should it matter if they're the owner or not? Usually, if you get the owner, they're either a small business (that could probably use the money) who may not have any other employees or you're a VIP client. Plus, it takes several years for the most successful businesses to turn a profit - and during those years, it's the OWNERS who dip into their personal savings when the month/quarter ends in the red. A lot of times they don't get paid for those first years because every penny gets invested back into the business to make it grow - whether it's more advertising, more/better equipment, traveling to trade shows (which can cost a TON of money to participate in) etc. I ran in the red for almost 4 straight years, making not a single penny for myself, before my business became lucrative, and I definitely appreciated those who were kind enough to give me a tip - even though I don't have the type of business that usually receives tips. I don't tip based on who signs a person's paycheck, I tip based on the quality of service that is provided. But that's just me.

Plus, since I'm doing a destination wedding, I have no idea if the people who show up on our wedding day are owners or not, so it really doesn't matter.

As for the stylist, I usually go to one of those quickie $10 haircut places, so I couldn't even tell you what an actual salon charges. I'm almost afraid to look into it, to be honest. How much do you tip a stylist - 20%? More? Less?

The hotel room block lady, I was/am on the fence about her. She did take care of our room block, booked the room for our rehearsal dinner in one of their meeting rooms (after going up and taking pics on her cell phone to email to me because she didn't have any to send), sent me a map that they use at the hotel when giving recommendations so I can alter it for our guests to show where the ceremony, reception, etc is, and a few other things that went above what a normal room block person would do.

Christine9866 · October 2012

Let me clarify---I was just posting what I found--I no where in my post said i did not plan on tipping people who have their own business, I did state that majority of our vendors have their own business...From the beginning FI and I always planned on tipping everyone because through out the process we have gotten to know each and everyone of our vendors.. I am not that kind of person that would not tip so sorry if you got the wrong impression from my post.

ChiGirl2013 · October 2012

Oh no, I wasn't offended at all. Sorry if I came off that way. To each their own. I just wanted to explain that I still want/need to tip everyone on the list, even though most people try to talk me out of it because of the whole "owners shouldn't be tipped" discussion.

Been dealing with a jerk of a principal at dd's school, so if my posts come off as being strongly-worded, trust me, I don't intend to do it..... at least not here.

Christine9866 · October 2012

Chigirl-no problem, I agree to each their own, and i think every one tips differently....okay so after more research i just looked up a tipping guide on the knot and here is what the knot says... i hope this is more helpful!

Wedding Planner

Wedding planners won't likely expect anything; however, if yours did a great job you can always offer a token of your appreciation. (Note: Non-monetary thank-yous like professional photos of the wedding for the planner's portfolio can go a long way too.) Approximately 50 percent of couples do tip their planners -- typically those with more opulent weddings.
Protocol: Optional
The $tandard: Up to $500, or a nice gift
When to Tip: The bride should hand off the envelope at the end of the reception, or, she should send a thank-you note with photos or a check after the honeymoon.

Wedding Hair Stylist and Makeup Artist

This is one area where a gratuity is definitely expected. Tip between 15 - 20 percent just as you would in a hair salon, and consider giving a little extra if there's a crisis, like one of your bridesmaids has a meltdown over her updo and it requires a redo at the last minute.
Protocol: Expected
The $tandard: 15 - 25 percent, depending upon the quality of service
When to Tip: At the end of your service

Wedding Delivery and Set-up Staff

Slip a few dollars to anyone delivering important items to the site (wedding cake, flowers, or sound system). And if a lot of gear needs to be brought in and set up (tents, chairs, or port-a-potties), the workers deserve a tip too.
Protocol: Expected
The $tandard: $5 - $10 per person
When to Tip: Drop off cash envelopes the day before the wedding to the catering manager so the person accepting deliveries can turn the tip.

Wedding Ceremony Officiant

If your officiant is affiliated with a church or synagogue, you're often expected to make a donation to that institution. If you're a member you'll probably want to give a larger amount than if you're not. However, if you're getting married there and they're charging you to use the space, feel free to give a smaller amount. If you're using a nondenominational officiant, no tip is required because they will charge you for their time.
Protocol: Expected (depending on officiant)
The $tandard: Donate $500+ to the church or synagogue, or, for a nondenominational officiant, an optional tip of $50 - $100
When to Tip: Most ceremony fees are required prior to the wedding. Otherwise, have the best man pass the cash envelope at the rehearsal dinner if the officiant is in attendance.

Wedding Ceremony Musicians

If you worked with a mini orchestra to come up with the perfect score for your service (and they pulled it off flawlessly), consider showing some monetary thanks for their talent. However, you probably don't have to tip the solo church organist who was required to play.
Protocol: Optional
The $tandard: $15 - $20 per musician
When to Tip: At the end of the ceremony.

Wedding Photographer/Videographer

You're not expected to give your shutterbugs any dough beyond their normal fees. Yet if the wedding photographer or videographer doesn't own the studio, consider tipping each person (or give a certain amount with a thank-you note to disperse to staff).
Protocol: Optional
The $tandard: $50 - $200 per vendor
When to Tip: At the end of the reception.

Wedding Reception Staff

This type of staff includes the on-site coordinator, maitre d', and banquet manager. A service charge (typically 2 percent) is almost always built in to the food and drink fee, so check your contract. If the gratuity is not included, tip as follows.
Protocol: Expected
The $tandard: 15 - 20 percent of the food and drink fee (based on labor, not the cost), or $200 - $300 for the maitre d'.
When to Tip: If it's covered in the contract, the final bill is typically due before the reception. Otherwise, have the father of the bride or best man hand the envelope to the maitre d' at the end of the reception since you will need to know the final tab to calculate the percentage.

Wedding Reception Attendants

When it comes to bartenders, waitstaff, parking, bathroom, and coat-room attendants the rules of tipping are dictated by your contract. If the service fee is included, consider doling out extra only if the service was exceptional. If it's not included, ask ahead of time how many attendants will be working your wedding and calculate on a per person basis.
Protocol: Optional, based on contract
The $tandard: $20 - $25 per bartender or waiter; $1 per guest for coat room and parking attendants; $1 per car
When to Tip: Although tips are traditionally passed out at the end of the event, you could alternately distribute them at the beginning of the evening, to encourage all the workers to give you great service.

Wedding Reception Band or DJ

Whether you hire 12-piece swing band or grooving to a DJ, tipping musicians is completely optional. (Depending on the quality of the job and how willing they were to follow your ideal playlist!) And don't forget about any sound technicians they bring with them.
Protocol: Optional, yet preferred
The $tandard: $20 - $25 per musician; $50 - $150 for DJs
When to Tip: At the end of the reception, by the best man.

Wedding Transportation

Again, check your contract, as gratuity is usually included. If it isn't, plan to tip provided they show up on time and don't get lost!
Protocol: Expected
The $tandard: 15 - 20 percent of the total bill
When to Tip: At the end of the night or after the last ride. If you used a separate company for the guest buses, designate a bus captain to hand the driver a tip, otherwise, this duty falls to the best man.

Read more: Wedding Vendors: Tipping Cheat Sheet - Wedding Planning - Wedding Budget http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/wedding-vendor-tipping-cheat-sheet.aspx#ixzz28EdtpRlu

joheryl · October 2012

I totally agree that tipping is everyones personal preference.

For me my reception has an extra gratuity of 15% on everything so I don't plan on tipping anyone. I am sure the bartender will receive tips from guests though... especially with it being open bar.

I will be tipping my hair stylist and make-up lady. The make-up lady does run her own company but I plan on only tipping the day of and not for my trial.

I will tip the DJ - this will be at the end of the night. The DJ works for a larger company that has many DJs.

We will tip our limo driver. Some limo contracts have it built into price but ours is not... we will be tipping $100-150 on a $500 limo bill.

Cake person I was not planning on tipping... logistically I would not see her the day of.

Day of Wedding Coordinator - I was not planning on tipping her but then again it will depend on how helpful she ends up being the month leading up to the wedding. Her fee is quite low so I feel a tip may be justified.

Officient - the wedding is at my church and we will be doing a donation along with the "church fees"

Florist - She runs her own business, I was not planing to tip her.

I will be sending thank-you cards to everyone!

ChiGirl2013 · October 2012

Thanks, Christine! That helps quite a bit - especially the ones that had actual dollar amounts. I guess I need to research what things cost in Georgia and go from there.

Jeez.... just when I feel good about crossing things off my list of things to do, I end up adding more to it. lol 6 pages isn't bad, right?

mabapunta · October 2012

At least you're thinking way ahead on this subject...which is great! I hadn't given a ton of thought to this, but in going down the list, it's pretty obvious who I will tip at this point in time. I might change my mind as the wedding draws near...and I may feel even more generous on the wedding day itself - as long as everyone does their job correctly :-D haha

Planner -- We have one, and to me, her $1850 is a hefty fee. Especially because I feel like she doesn't always listen 100% to what we're saying - esp re: budget and that we cannot and will not ask our parents for help. So since she's not my favorite person, I don't plan on paying her anything more right now. Granted, she is the Go To Person on the day of the wedding itself - so if that all goes smoothly, maybe I'll throw in something small like $50 or something.

Hair and Makeup - Yes, I know this is expected in general and I bet even more so for anything wedding related. I've never had to pay to get my hair/makeup done before, so I'm not sure what amount I'll offer. I'll probably work with the general 15-20% deal and decide based on how the trial and day-of go.

Delivered Items -- I can only think of our florist and cake baker. They were both nice people and the baker gave us free cupcakes when we booked her. I love baked goods, so free cupcakes are good bribe. I hadn't planned on tipping either of them really since I'm already paying a good chunk...but we'll see once I actually get final numbers from them.

Officiant -- We just paid her $250 fee up front. She's nondenominational and our ceremony venue is $400 due to FI being an alum of the college. Didn't plan on tipping/donating for either.

Musicians -- I think we're going to get a duet for the ceremony music, but haven't talked to anyone yet. Hadn't planned on a tip here either, but again I may change my mind. And I haven't consulted FI at all on tipping stuff.

Photographer -- No. This will be a pretty big expense in the first place. Unless the pictures are absolutely fabulous without us needing to pause/stop whatever we're doing to pose so they can get a great shot. We were at a wedding recently and the photographer had them stop dancing or stop walking for the picture. Paying for a professional is so that you don't have to do that, right??

Reception Staff -- Our bartenders and waitstaff are thru separate vendors. We have to pay hourly for the bartenders and security guy. I need to look at the caterer contract again (not yet signed) because I think they include 18% gratuity/service fee. I'm probably more likely to offer tips to these folks, and if I do, I'd make sure to give it to them individually.

DJ -- Hadn't planned on tipping him either. We'll see.

Transportation -- We don't even know what we're doing for this. Limos are too expensive for just a few hours, plus we limited options to choose from. We might rent a SUV for a couple days to use that...or maybe just get our Subaru wagon super clean and rock it instead

I feel like I'm sounding really cheap. It's just for a lot of these things I just think of it as a business transaction where for some things it's a lot of money in the first place, so it just hurts to pay even more out of our own pocket. Maybe once I see the final budget numbers and we're closer to the wedding I'll feel differently. Right now I'm freaking out about the money we just spent on a new dishwasher, a close friend's wedding next month...and then Christmas!