What do you guys think of...

Gustafson28 · May 2012

Honeymoon registries? I know the E board freaks out whenever someone even mentions Honeymoon just in case the next word is "registry" lol. Personally, I don't see them as any different than registering at a store. Yes, the company takes money from the gift but do you really think it costs x amount of money to produce and ship traditional registry gifts? Nope, you can bet that the store and company take a pretty chunk of money from you. I understand if the Bride and Groom are not able to afford a HM without the registry and are banking on it to be able to go but what about the ppl who have lived together for many years and could give a sh*t about new china?

CN: What do you think about HM registries?

gmcr78 · May 2012

I am personally not a fan, and I say that as someone who has purchased a Honeymoon Registry gift for someone in the past. When I found out how they really work (they don't get that dinner, zip-lining excursion, or horseback ride you thought you were buying, they get the cash minus 10-15%) I felt duped. It's not the idea of registering for something honeymoon related that bothers me, it's that they trick the buyer into thinking they are paying for one thing, when in fact they are buying something else entirely. I was pissed when I found out what I actually paid for. When I buy a gift for someone, I like knowing what the value is, no matter what I spent on it. When I find out that the $100 I spent only had an $85 value, plus it's something completely different than what I thought I was buying, I feel like that money could have been better spent elsewhere.
I think a honeymoon registry would be a lot more acceptable if they actually gave the couple what you thought you paid for. In that sense, it wouldn't be much different than registering for gifts.
In my opinion, if you're unable to pay for the honeymoon you want, it's not up to your shower guests to provide that for you. The idea of a shower is to help the new couple establish their home. If you don't need much, you don't have to register for much, and most people will take the hint and give cash and gift cards. If someone wants to give you money, they will. It's not up to the receiver to dictate what gifts they are given. The registries are to assist the gift givers, but by no means are they mandatory to follow.

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

I agree with PPs, my biggest issue with them is HOW they work. If I knew that when I paid for scuba lessons for the couple, the money went straight to the company that does the scuba lessons I think I'd be more inclined to do it. I don't like how they make people THINK they are buying something, and then give the couple money to do with as they please. They may be honest and do what you've paid for them to do, OR they may choose to spend it however they see fit... and that's where my issue lies.

uneek1323 · May 2012

I won't ever buy something off a HM registry. You're getting a toaster.

JessieR933 · May 2012

Personally I do not like them. I end up giving cash that they can use however they want.

FluffyGumDrop · May 2012

I think people have an issue with them because it's taking money from Grandma that she thought was going towards a couples massage or dolphin swim session. Grandma should have just given you the $100 instead you're now getting a check for $85 and nothing that says it has to go towards the massage or dolphins. Grandma now asks how was the dolphin swim I got for you guys, "Oh well, sorry Grandma; the dolphins cost $100 and you signed up for the dolphin swim session but after I got my check cut it wasn't enough for that so we just used it to buy something else." "But I wanted my gift to you to be a dolphin swim not just cash. I would have just given you the 85 if that was my intention"

If you need the money to help do things on your honeymoon, then just don't have a registry at all or a very small one. People will get the hint you would rather have cash and then you can use the full $100 from Grandma to do whatever you want on your honeymoon. Just because it says Honeymoon Registry doesn't mean any of that money will even go towards something on the honeymoon. You just get a check with money taken out; why wouldn't you rather just have the full amount?

Gustafson28 · May 2012

Lmao Uneek. I don't know why I found that so funny but def made me laugh. I agree that duping your guests is wrong but I don't see an issue if you actually use it the way it is listed. I'm not doing one, prob just a small registry but still wanted to see if it a TK theme for hating on the HM registries or just the E board. :P

Gustafson28 · May 2012

Just thought I'd see what the "offbeat" perspective is on it!

mizutamababy · May 2012

I think gift registries and cash registires are the same. Either way people are spending cash, the only difference is gift registries turn the cash into an item and cash/honeymoon registries leave the cash as cash. When you ask someone to buy you a gift off a registry you are essentially asking for them to spend cash on you, which is no different then asking them for cash to buy what you want in the reality of things... so I never understand E's position on it.

Where DH and I live cash is the only wedding gift socially acceptable and gift registries are considered tacky. I think a lot of Asia is that way, actually.

Gift registry mark-up on shipping/gift wrap alone is INSANE. People give $100 thinking but the couple gets $85... But is that really different than a regular gift registry? People will end up buying the $85 gift instead of a $100 gift because they know they'll have to spend an extra $15-20 on shipping and wrap. Either way money is going to a company. I also don't think it offers any more freedom. Most of the registry gifts I've bought for other people were never things I would have normally given had I just browsed that store on my own. If someone has already picked out acceptable gifts for me to buy for them, how is that any different than them asking me for the money to purchase something they deem acceptable?

BTW some people return registry gifts for cash, too. So no guarantees what you spent your money on was used by the couple.

Unpopular opinion, I know... But TBH, best way to be polite is to not register and let your guests do whatever they want. As far as registering goes, both gift and cash/honeymoon registries are products of the wedding industry and are not based in any kind of tradition so that throws most of E's argument out the window, and less than a century ago people were saying the same thing about gift registries.

I'm sure 50 years from now cash registries will become norm like gift registries and there will be some insane new registry system that people will argue is "non-traditional".

IDK... just food for thought.

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_what-do-you-guys-think-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:fa7f7f47-9e7b-4311-a795-7a42cda18234Post:4f94742c-5b13-4243-a1cf-a34ed571b5b3">Re: What do you guys think of...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think gift registries and cash registires are the same. Either way people are spending cash, the only difference is gift registries turn the cash into an item and cash/honeymoon registries leave the cash as cash. When you ask someone to buy you a gift off a registry you are essentially asking for them to spend cash on you, which is no different then asking them for cash to buy what you want in the reality of things... so I never understand E's position on it. Where DH and I live cash is the only wedding gift socially acceptable and gift registries are considered tacky. I think a lot of Asia is that way, actually. Gift registry mark-up on shipping/gift wrap alone is INSANE. People give $100 thinking but the couple gets $85... But is that really different than a regular gift registry? People will end up buying the $85 gift instead of a $100 gift because they know they'll have to spend an extra $15-20 on shipping and wrap. Either way money is going to a company. I also don't think it offers any more freedom. Most of the registry gifts I've bought for other people were never things I would have normally given had I just browsed that store on my own. If someone has already picked out acceptable gifts for me to buy for them, how is that any different than them asking me for the money to purchase something they deem acceptable? BTW some people return registry gifts for cash, too. So no guarantees what you spent your money on was used by the couple. Unpopular opinion, I know... But TBH, best way to be polite is to not register and let your guests do whatever they want. As far as registering goes, both gift and cash/honeymoon registries are products of the wedding industry and are not based in any kind of tradition so that throws most of E's argument out the window, and less than a century ago people were saying the same thing about gift registries. I'm sure 50 years from now cash registries will become norm like gift registries and there will be some insane new registry system that people will argue is "non-traditional". IDK... just food for thought.
Posted by mizutamababy[/QUOTE]

My issue with this is when I go on Jane Smith's gift registry and select that toaster, then the final bill shows me how much I paid for the toaster, how much I paid for wrapping, how much went to taxes.

When I go on Jane Smith's honeymoon registry I see I paid $100 for her to swim with the dolphins, so I agree to pay that. However what I don't see is that my $100 doesn't go to her swimming with the dophins, she is getting a cheque for $85 that she may put towards swimming with the dolphins, but then has to pay the remainder herself anyway. She may tell me she swam with the dolphins and never even do so.

With a cash registry, or giving cash, I know that they are getting cash. My issue with the registry once again is if I wanted to give Jane Smith $100 cash, I will give her it in cash in an envelope because going through the registry I think I'm giving her $100 and she only gets $85.

I just don't like the fact its not completely honest with where the money is going... and although many of us in our generation get that and know the additional fees, my older relatives don't. So essentially they are being misguided/misinformed/however you wish to word it.

Bottom line I will never use a honeymoon/cash registry as a guest. If you have one, you're getting cash in a card. Atleast then I know that you're getting the full amount, and we dont' have to pretend that we know my money is paying for you to swim with the dolphins. If you do, great.. enjoy... but realistically we accept you'll use it as you see fit at the time.

balletdawn · May 2012

Okay, I'll be the dissenting voice and get bashed, I can take it. Not all of them take a cut - we used honeyfund.com and we got 100% of what people gave and it wasn't under the guise of a scuba trip, a couples massage, etc., it was just contributing towards our honeymoon. People used it and weren't offended by it, or at least didn't tell us if they were, lol.

Gustafson28 · May 2012

lol I don't think anyone is going to bash you ballet.. and besides, I agree with you. I don't have a problem with them at all.. I don't like people using it for dishonest reasons but if it is upfront about wanting cash for the HM then go for it

balletdawn · May 2012

I agree with not wanting to give some website a cut of what you're generously trying to give the couple. If they're going to pocket some of your money, you might as well write the couple a check. Plenty of people did that for us and it all went to the honeymoon just the same.

mizutamababy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_what-do-you-guys-think-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:fa7f7f47-9e7b-4311-a795-7a42cda18234Post:10f5e993-90e4-4e43-8f9b-6bb2bdda2f72">Re: What do you guys think of...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you guys think of... : My issue with this is when I go on Jane Smith's gift registry and select that toaster, then the final bill shows me how much I paid for the toaster, how much I paid for wrapping, how much went to taxes. When I go on Jane Smith's honeymoon registry I see I paid $100 for her to swim with the dolphins, so I agree to pay that. However what I don't see is that my $100 doesn't go to her swimming with the dophins, she is getting a cheque for $85 that she may put towards swimming with the dolphins, but then has to pay the remainder herself anyway. She may tell me she swam with the dolphins and never even do so. With a cash registry, or giving cash, I know that they are getting cash. My issue with the registry once again is if I wanted to give Jane Smith $100 cash, I will give her it in cash in an envelope because going through the registry I think I'm giving her $100 and she only gets $85. I just don't like the fact its not completely honest with where the money is going... and although many of us in our generation get that and know the additional fees, my older relatives don't. So essentially they are being misguided/misinformed/however you wish to word it. Bottom line I will never use a honeymoon/cash registry as a guest. If you have one, you're getting cash in a card. Atleast then I know that you're getting the full amount, and we dont' have to pretend that we know my money is paying for you to swim with the dolphins. If you do, great.. enjoy... but realistically we accept you'll use it as you see fit at the time.
Posted by BMcLeodTeam[/QUOTE]

I get what you're saying, but just because you bought the toaster doesn't mean the couple now has a toaster. Maybe you bought them the toaster but there was something else off their list (or elsewhere) that they wanted more after the fact. The couple exchanges your toaster and now have another item or was refunded cash minus what you paid for shipping and wrap.

The couple may tell you they loved your toaster, but it's already been exchanged for a waffle maker, etc. and/or it's just collecting dust in the closet. The latter happens all the time. There is room for dishonesty in either situation. :)

Most honeymoon registry sites that take a percentage of the cut also state this in their terms... so it shouldn't be surprising to either party. If couples/guests don't read (older or not) beforehand II don't see how they can claim it's dishonest later...

HeathenSwan · May 2012

I've always wondered what the difference between making a registry to tell people what to get you, and just asking people for money straight up is. Either way, you're asking for stuff.

My issue with a honeymoon registry would be if the site was taking a cut. Though, either way, I'm not looking at the registry for a wedding gift. I'm giving cash. If it goes for dolphins, a year's worth of ice cream, or the finest marital aid money can buy, I don't care. As long as they're happy.

toothpastechica · May 2012

I don't like honeymoon registries, mainly because it comes across as "you should get us something otherwise we wont get the most out of our honeymoon and you want us to be happy right", a little bit like a spoiled child trying to get her parents to buy her candy. Also we are going on a cruise and out of curiosity i looked at the hm registry they offer, and the smallest price point was $50. Most of my guests are not able to spend the $150 for that shore excursion, and a bottle of wine for $50 delevired to your room isnt very practical. I think the point of registries is to give people tangable options to give as gifts that the couple will like, if they dont want tangible items, then they shouldn't make a registry or make a very small one and hope for cash. I dont like being told how to spend my money, and hm registries dont usually give many choices, and I'd rather give the cash.

mizutamababy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_what-do-you-guys-think-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:fa7f7f47-9e7b-4311-a795-7a42cda18234Post:0134db73-d59b-44e2-8dbb-5f64fbb90f99">Re: What do you guys think of...</a>:
[QUOTE] I think the point of registries is to give people tangable options to give as gifts that the couple will like, if they dont want tangible items, then they shouldn't make a registry or make a very small one and hope for cash. I dont like being told how to spend my money, and hm registries dont usually give many choices, and I'd rather give the cash.
Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

But honestly most gift registries don't give that many options outside of home appliances and housewares, and those registries also tell people how they should spend their money on the bride and groom. Not to mention that cash is just as tangible as any gift off a registry, as is a bottle of wine or a ticket for a dolphin show or whatever on a honeymoon registry.

I really feel like the main reason people are against cash/honeymoon registries is because it's outright asking for cash instead of doing so in a somewhat "sneaky" way like gift registries do. Because a gift from a gift registry is not in the form of cash, the couple can feel better about themselves and pretend they didn't just ask people to give them money. (Even though that's exactly what they did.)

I can understand if gifts are your personal preference, but it doesn't make sense to force that preference on other people when logically both types of registries essentially serve the same purpose.

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