When is the right time to ask BM/MOH when there is travel involved?

rockandroll322 · December 2011

Hi everyone,

I read the FAQs and it said to ask between 6 and 9 months in advance because relationships change. I understand that, except I could be looking at BMs and a MOH traveling as far as LA to NY. Is 9 months enough?

Thanks!

rockandroll322 · December 2011

Thanks for answering all of my posts

Simply Fated · December 2011

I think it depends on the situation. At least one of my friend's would need 12 months notice to take off from work for an extended period (more than 1 day).

rlavach · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_right-time-ask-bmmoh-there-travel-involved?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7eca6606-635f-48d7-9c32-3beaab9572bePost:efa4d0a6-1ab7-4b34-8f7a-508636001598">Re: When is the right time to ask BM/MOH when there is travel involved?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it depends on the situation. At least one of my friend's would need 12 months notice to take off from work for an extended period (more than 1 day).
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
Exactly, it really depends. My MOH is in NC & I'm in NJ, but her job is very flexible, so she can take off whenever she wants. You're going to have to ask her about her travel plans just to come to the wedding (nothing about MOH). If you see that she needs a long time to prep, then tell her earlier.

volleygurl0306 · December 2011

Relationships do change as do friends situations (if they get engaged themselves, get pregnant, lose a job, have a financial hardship, general girl drama/bulls***). But, if something drastic like those happen and you are that close with them (excluding maybe drama) you should be able to talk about it with them and be understanding if they would have to drop out. As far a drama goes, it happens and it could happen if you ask them a month before the wedding or a year before the wedding. If drama really gets that bad and a friendship ends, they'd probably drop off anyways. I think if these are your closest girls you should ask as soon as possible. The more time they have to know they have to save for a flight, hotel, rental car, dress, shoes, gifts, showers, etc (it is a huge financial committment). If in your head you think you may not be close to them 9 months from now, you probably should be asking if they are really the best choices.

RaptorSLH · December 2011

Relationships change...except for the ones that don't. The bridesmaids and bridesman I asked immediately were my sister, and a married pair of friends who have been supportive of us as individuals and as a couple for years, no matter how far away they moved. Honestly, if the worst drama happened, I would be far more devastated about losing such close friends, or about driving away my sister, than I would be by the loss of a wedding party member. I asked them before I came here and saw the usual advice, but I still don't regret my decision. You understand the risks. How confident are you?

ElisabethJoanne · December 2011

I agree with Raptor. My bridesmaids are just my sisters. Our relationship isn't going anywhere. I asked them as soon as I got engaged, and with the older one, it was a good thing, too. She's still not sure whether being in the US on our wedding day will mess up her chance to join the Peace Corps, but knowing 18 months out was necessary for keeping her chance at the Peace Corps and being in the wedding.

I just found out that our bestman's wedding anniversary is the day we tentatively scheduled our rehearsal (for a complex, long ceremony). We have time to reschedule, which we wouldn't under other circumstances.

kelnash89 · December 2011

The changing relationships thing is tricky, but evaluate where you are in life. A lot fo my friends cahnged because I graduated college after I got engaged. But if you don't anticipate any huge changes your relationship shouldn't change that much. It really just depends on your relationship with them. Or you could go with a strict "family-only" policy. They will be around forever

As for when to ask them, evaluate each girl's situation. My girlfriends and I are all transitioning out of college into career or graduate school. I asked about 11 months ahead of time because I was more concerned about the finanical obilagtions for each girl. Plus that gives us all the time in the world to pick a weekend to go dress shopping and plan the bachelorette party.

Because although you may be concerned about travel for the wedding, keep in mind they have to travel for other get-togethers like the shower. Maybe you could combine your shower and bacherlorette party into one weekend and do it somewhere in the middle of the country (Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City?) that is easy for everyone to get to.

RaptorSLH · December 2011

[QUOTE] keep in mind they have to travel for other get-togethers like the shower. Maybe you could combine your shower and bacherlorette party into one weekend and do it somewhere in the middle of the country (Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City?) that is easy for everyone to get to.
Posted by kelnash89[/QUOTE]

<div>No they don't. Expecting someone to fly or drive halfway across the country to give you a gift is ridiculous.</div>

[Deleted User] · December 2011

I think that if a person lives across the country from you, nine months is enough notice for them to be asked to be in your wedding party. That being said, if the person is someone really close to you like a relative or a really best friend, and you've known for a long time that if you were to get married, they would be in your wedding party, then there is no problem asking them sooner than nine months. That actually might be a good idea depending on their financial situation and flexibility.

tpender13 · December 2011

I may be a little late here, but I just wanted to add that you could always talk to this person sooner than 9 months to let them know that you set a concrete date and you want to make sure they know when it is so they can make work or travel arrangements or whatever. You can have that conversation without mentioning your wedding party.

rockandroll322 · December 2011

thanks everyone, this was great advice!

mhmz · January 2012

I'm waiting until I set a concrete date, but my MOH already knows I want her to be in the wedding. She's about to give birth (hopefully today!) and is joking about how she needed at least a few months to slim back down. My BM's I'm waiting until I set the date, which is hopefully this week.

sarahlove27 · January 2012

We are having a destination wedding in the Bahamas and are giving friends and family a little over a year due to passports, child care, jobs,and just overall saving up to travel....

When is the right time to ask BM/MOH when there is travel involved?

Re: When is the right time to ask BM/MOH when there is travel involved?

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