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Moms and Maids

Help! Im having a hard time choosing a MOH

I am having the most difficult time choosing the MOH. Its between my cousin and my fiance's cousin. I pretty much think I have it in my head who I want and who would be perfect but I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings... My cousin is who I first thought of before I was even engaged, who I have mentioned to her in the past of picking her, Im having doubts now. I dont want to hurt her feelings because I feel like she is thinking Im going to choose her. but I feel like she has not been there for me, and maybe its too soon I dont know. (Im getting married next oct). My fiance's cousin, who knew I was getting engaged before anyone has been there alot. She took a whole day from school to drive down a half hour away to come dress shopping with me, while my cousin who only lives 10 mins away was half hour late. My fiance's cousin stood there taking pics of me and asking questions while my cousin just sat there. My fiance's cousin, sends me links to websites all the time, txts me all the time seeing if I've done anything knew and always insists that I keep her posted on it all. I dont want to hurt anyone, my fiance's cousin already thinks I'm going to ask my cousin so her feelings wouldnt be hurt, but I feel like she would be honored and appreciated. I feel like she would be my go to girl, my venting girl and ect. So what do I do? I need some imput! If I choose his cousin, what do I say to mine who alreqdy possibly might have it in her head she may be it!

Re: Help! Im having a hard time choosing a MOH

  • You should not base your decision on who should be your MOH by who has done the most in regards to your wedding planning.  Some women just aren't into the whole wedding process.

    Your MOH should be your nearest and dearest, not just the person who will plan the most or who will be the best person to vent to.

    There is also nothing that says that you can't have two MOH's.  If you feel that both of these women are extremely close to you and that you can't imagine picking between them then ask them both.

    I would, however, wait another two or 3 months before asking anyone to be in your wedding because things can change and people can change.  What happens if you decide to go with your FI cousin who is all excited now about your wedding but then gets a bit wedding'd out with 5 months to go?  What will you do then?  This is why you should always pick you nearest and dearest because all you want is for them to stand up next to you on your big day and their presence at your wedding is enough.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-im-having-a-hard-time-choosing-a-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:331458e3-44c6-41f9-943a-d5274930f30cPost:bebee1b8-8e2f-45d0-a84c-567c0456d50f">Re: Help! Im having a hard time choosing a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I didnt mean to come across as she did this and she didnt, I guess Im just figuring out who would be there and who cares with me. I am close with both of these ppl but I feel like I hear more from my FI's cousin. These girls are both young, my cousin is a little bit more immature then his, and I feel like she will just have a lot going on...Plus <strong>she is in a wedding 2 weeks before mine so I feel like she will busy with that</strong> also which is fine cuz its more her age group. I do plan on waiting to ask them both, im sitting back and just observing. Never thought it was going to be this hard. I dont want 2 MOH, I just dont want to do that.
    Posted by tonyadombrowski[/QUOTE]

    What are you expecting your MOH and your BMs to do?  All that they are required to do is buy the dress and show up looking presentable and sober on your wedding day.  Anything else they do is completely voluntary.

    Honestly it sounds like you want someone to be there for you all the time and to support you through any stress that you may have when planning the wedding.  Well I have news for you, you already have that person and that is your FI.

    Also, I think calling your cousin immature is a bit rude.  Think about her behavior prior to getting engaged.  Was she constantly calling you and wanting to know about what you had going on?  If the answer is no do not expect her to change just because you are getting married.

    I am sure both of these girls care about your wedding equally it is just that one is more into the wedding planning then the other.  There is nothing wrong with that at all and one should not be punished just because she doesn't want to look at flowers or gush over dresses.

    And what is your issue with having two MOHs?  A lot of people have multiple MOHs because they have multiple people in their lives that fill the bill of an MOH.

    Honestly, you sound really needy and more concerned about what people can do for you rather then how close you are to them.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-im-having-a-hard-time-choosing-a-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:331458e3-44c6-41f9-943a-d5274930f30cPost:20024399-4db0-47e9-9315-7dc2278f8187">Re: Help! Im having a hard time choosing a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow I think  its hilarious that this site is to vent and here people get on here to be BITCHES!! I honestly could give 2 shits what you think and yes to me a MOH should be there, I've been a maid of honor thank you, and I was there every step of the way for that person. And I have no issues with having 2 MOH's but personally for me I would only like one! Thanks for your great advice that was not helpful what so ever.. What the hell are you doing on ths website anyways still, your married. Hopefully you give better advice to your husband! Thanks!!
    Posted by tonyadombrowski[/QUOTE]

    Well aren't you a peach.

    That is great that as a MOH yourself you were there every step of the way but that was YOUR choice.  I doubt the bride held a gun to your head demanding you to be there for her.

    And as for you giving "2 sh$ts" with what I think, well welcome to the world of public forum.  You don't get to dictate how people respond.  I have an opinion and seeing as this is a public forum I can give that opinion.  If you don't like what I have to say then ignore it, but just do a quick search and see what other posters have told brides on how to pick their MOH and what "duites" those MOHs have.  You will see a lot of similarities between what I wrote and what the others have said.

    The MOH position is an honor you bestow on your nearest and dearest.  And just because you bestow that honor does not mean that they are required to do anything in return.  Plan your own wedding and if you need support then turn to your FI because he is the one you are marrying NOT your MOH.

    And wouldn't you rather get advice from brides who have "been there, done that" then brides-to-be that have no clue what they are doing?  That is why I am still here.  I love weddings, I love talking about weddings, and I love to give advice to brides-to-be so that their wedding day and months leading up to it are fun and enjoyable instead of one big stress ball.

    Oh, and I love how you got that "I pity your husband" line in there.  Laughable.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-im-having-a-hard-time-choosing-a-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:331458e3-44c6-41f9-943a-d5274930f30cPost:dcd94894-ff96-44b1-9c58-a768f259cd9e">Re: Help! Im having a hard time choosing a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Im having a hard time choosing a MOH : Honestly, you sound really needy and <strong>more concerned about what people can do for you rather then how close you are to them.</strong>
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    This. My MOH is my sister. She lives across the country and has a 4 month old baby. Actually, she's doing an astonishingly amount of stuff for me, for which I am both surprised and so grateful and lucky. But, had she not been able to do anything, she'd still be my MOH. She's my sister and has been my best friend pretty much since birth. People on here often say "who would you go to for help hiding a dead body?" The answer would be my sister every time.

    FWIW, I have another bridesmaid who's my best friend since third grade and was the second person I asked to be in my wedding. She's like a sister to me and I love her. She will be in a wedding the day before mine. Did I have a moment of "oh man, will she be there for the rehearsal? that sucks!"? Sure, I did. In the end, does even that matter? nope, not a bit. I still can't imagine getting married without this girl by my side and that's all that matters. Anything else is bonus.
  • Yeah, add me in as having a MOH who is 3,000 miles away. My best friend from high school lives in CA, I am in DC. For that reason she can't do pretty much anything wedding wise since she's only coming in for the wedding itself (I doubt I'm having a shower and one of the other nearby bridesmaids is planning a bachelorette party). Does that means she shouldn't get to be MOH, no, she's one of my oldest, closest friends. If I wanted a MOH who could also play wedding planner I would have picked one of my 2 BMs in DC...
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  • Whoa, wouldnt want to get banned off knot! My life would be so over! Get over it!
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  • Your obviously a fan, you keep coming back for more!!! lmfao! I do have fans, if I didnt, they would leave this board alone. Its ok though, I do not mind one bit! Love this sooooo much! Whats funny is that it takes more energy to type out everything you just did then to hit the ignore button, so apparently you have alot of energy to be on here and write on my "message board aka a message forum!"
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