Thoughts?

TKzilla · September 2012

My mother does not have a Facebook account and she is not technologically savvy. There is not a computer in my parents' home yet.

I have a Facebook account and use it regularly. I'm 24, after all. I talk about all kinds of things on there, including my job. I'm a nanny and care for two girls ages 2 years and 2 months. Lately, my job has been increasingly difficult because of a colicky baby, a tantrum-y toddler and a mother who is addicted to reading parenting books that she is convinced will solve all her problems.

So sometimes I complain about my job on Facebook. Mostly I say something about the baby crying for an hour or two at a time, or the toddler's potty training regression.

Someone on my Facebook friend list felt it necessary to tell my mother I am "saying negative things about my job and the kids I care for" on Facebook. So my mother confronts me today and says I need to stop talking about "negative" things on there.

She could not quote what was said to her, nor provide me with any examples of the negative things I said. I got a little annoyed since this is not the first time someone has told my mom about things I put on Facebook. So I asked her who told her this, and she refused to tell me.

Should I be angry that she won't tell me who is saying these things? Is she right to say I should stop complaining about work on fb?

Note: I am not friends with my boss on Facebook and we do not have any mutual friends. My account is set to private.

dharmabunny · September 2012

And this little incident taught you NOTHING about how easily things can get around in FB, regardless of your privacy status? I'll go one step further than your mom. You really should keep mum on the job related stuff on FB. HIGHLY unprofessional. Especially being a nanny being subjected to who knows what kind of background checks, future opportunities can live and die based on the crap you post in your FB and your friends list whether it's locked down or not.

ElleB87 · September 2012

Your mother is right. There have been countless scenarios where people have been fired for bad mouthing their employers on facebook. If the mother ever sees those comments (and it's very possible she will, even if your account is set to private) you can bet your ass she'll can you. As a general rule, work stuff should be kept off of social media. it will always come back to bite you. Future employers can also see your profile and it will not look good if you have b*tched about past employers. Don't be so naive. And delete EVERYTHING you have posted so far about your current employer right now.

ElleB87 · September 2012

I also think it's wierd that someone is running to your mother about this stuff. Are you not a grown adult? Do you have your mothers friends on fb? That's just strange to me. Also, if that person has the balls to go to your mom with this info, you can bet your ass she would also go to your employer with it if she had that information.

6fsn · September 2012

Sure it sucks that someone is tattling to your mom, but your mom has a very valid point. Lsten to her.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Your mother is right, although your "friend" who ratted you out, should have come to you directly.

As a general rule of thumb, I never post anything on FB that I wouldn't mind my managers, director, or VP at work saying.

If I have a bad day, I keep it vague and put a positive spin and say stuff like:

"Tomorrow is another day."

"Monday certainly behaved like Monday."

"Some days are just a total waste of makeup."

This way it doesn't pinpoint a specific situation work related or not that made the day rough. You never know who might access a FB account and print your info (since they are your friend) and share with a boss. It can happen.

kmmssg · September 2012

I also vote that your mom is right on this. Regardless of your settings, people talk when you post things that are inappropriate. Seems to be happening for you, doesn't it?

thejucheidea · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_thoughts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8066171c-d730-42a0-9b80-be4c4e3da87dPost:874caecd-ec2d-4044-b98a-dd524da6aca0">Re:Thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE] You really should keep mum on the job related stuff on FB. HIGHLY unprofessional.
Posted by dharmabunny[/QUOTE]

This. If I have any complaints about my job, they're never put on Facebook, not even with filters to avoid coworkers seeing them. If I want to complaint about something job-related, it's said to friends, family, coworkers and boyfriend in person, not somewhere where there is written proof. That's just a bad idea all together. Your Facebook friends are not all close friends who will keep your secrets -- you have to expect this sort of thing.

Heffalump · September 2012

I agree with everyone else--no doubt you need to vent given what's going on at work, but keep it off FB. Because honestly, if I ever found out that DD's caregiver was saying things about her/us on FB, I'd fire her. Even if they were true, even if they were things I'd said to DH a dozen times, if a nanny/teacher/occasional babysitter was putting them out there on FB, that would be the end of our relationship.

Whether or not this is rational or hypocritical, that's what I would do.

FLANYTATOOGURL · September 2012

Please tell us what daycare you work at, so people on this site looking for a DCP know which one to avoid.

LnR70707 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_thoughts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8066171c-d730-42a0-9b80-be4c4e3da87dPost:685df8bd-1c59-4b03-8273-1d5138eb08a9">Re: Thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with everyone else--no doubt you need to vent given what's going on at work, but keep it off FB. <strong> Because honestly, if I ever found out that DD's caregiver was saying things about her/us on FB, I'd fire her.</strong> Even if they were true, even if they were things I'd said to DH a dozen times, if a nanny/teacher/occasional babysitter was putting them out there on FB, that would be the end of our relationship. Whether or not this is rational or hypocritical, that's what I would do.
Posted by Heffalump[/QUOTE]

This. It is always a bad idea to put work complaints on the internet, no matter how private you think it is.

TKzilla · September 2012

I'm not in any way negating that my mom is right. It's really just become a bad habit. There have been instances though, where I've found some advice via friends on Facebook. But there is no question that if I put anything on Facebook, it should be vague at the most, and more likely just not posted.

What I'm asking is: should my mother tell me who it is that told her? I would like to ask that person why they find it necessary to relay to my mother what I put on Facebook.

This is not the first time someone has told my mom what I've said on Facebook, and previously it was not work related.

TKzilla · September 2012

I mean, I don't have any coworkers and I have no mutual friends with my boss. In my mind, I never thought of how it could get from my "friends" to my boss. But I see where you guys are coming from. Who's to say they won't meet at some other unrelated time and place?

I've been going through and deleting any complaints I've posted about my job. I'm keeping the funny anecdotes though. Or is that also inappropriate?

This is where I get confused.

tawillers · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_thoughts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8066171c-d730-42a0-9b80-be4c4e3da87dPost:746d2e9c-965f-48ce-909e-e04b8766cff8">Re: Thoughts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I mean, I don't have any coworkers and I have no mutual friends with my boss. In my mind, I never thought of how it could get from my "friends" to my boss. But I see where you guys are coming from. Who's to say they won't meet at some other unrelated time and place? I've been going through and deleting any complaints I've posted about my job. I'm keeping the funny anecdotes though. <strong>Or is that also inappropriate?</strong> This is where I get confused.
Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

Are you using their names or posting pictures of them? If so, yes, delete them. I wouldn't post pics or use their names online without their parents' permission.

Wzz · September 2012

some of us can be fired for talking about work on FB.

i'm not so sure what is confusing about it. go through your updates and just take note of how much personal information people feel they need to share.

now consider the fact that your posts got back to someone who doesn't even have an account. do you really not see how you never know what information is going to start getting around, and who it wil get to?

you might be confused, but maybe that is because you just don't agree with the advice you've been given.

6fsn · September 2012

Becaus you are caring for kids, I would play it on the safe side and delete the comments. If you need advice email the people that have helped you in the past. As for your mom, she doesn't really need to tell you who said it. What will that solve? Sure you may be curious, but it really isn't necessary to know.

VarunaTT · September 2012

If you're not sure you should post it, don't. If you're confused if it's appropriate, don't. It's that easy.

If you do want some advice, I'd go to your employer, not your friends. *I* don't think you posting that is a big deal, but your employer might and you don't want to be fired over a FB comment, right?

I also like to type something out and then delete it on Notepad. It gets it out of me w/out telling anyone really and getting myself into trouble.

I also agree with the person above who said they post something vague. One of my things is to post a video that sums up my day. I'll post "Die Another Day" from Madonna a lot sometimes.

TKzilla · September 2012

I like the Notepad idea, Varuna. I think I've just used fb as a quick-fix to say "this is happening, someone help me figure this out" or "this is frustrating, I need some support". I think my new rule will be not to post anything I wouldn't say directly to my employer. So will I put up there "Today Bean (nickname, not real name) said this really funny thing: _______" - probably. Will I say "Good Lord these kids make me reconsider procreation!" - probably not

I think if this was the first time someone told my mom about my fb account, it wouldn't be a huge deal. But someone thought they needed to tell her about me going to the pub, someone else told her I -gasp- support a certain political candidate on fb. I just want this person to know that it's getting a little tiring having someone tattle to my mommy about my Facebook account. Especially since this is the first time it was anything that actually concerned her.

I'm also a little peeved that whoever it was, told my mother and not me. Seriously?

VarunaTT · September 2012

Time to do some cleaning out of friends.

Or post on your FB page, "Hey, whoever feels the need to tell my mother the doings of my FB page, get a life." I think someone telling your mom is dumb and your mom not telling you is dumb too.

This is one of my major complaints on FB. I unsubscribe to all of my friends likes and comments, b/c it makes me feel like a stalker. I've asked other people to do that for me, but I don't have a guarantee they have. So, I just try and remember, is this a comment I would want everyone to see? I delete a lot of things I type out before posting. I also have everything locked down as much as I can to protect my friends (only I can see Wall postings, my posts/photos are locked down to only me and my friends, etc).

tawillers · September 2012

Does your mom appreciate the play-by-play of your life? Doe she enjoy keeping tabs on you?

It seems like if she didn't want to hear every detail, she'd have told this person to quit reporting to her. Maybe your mom needs a boundaries/none of your business talk.

Wzz · September 2012

or you could just NOT post anything on FB about the kids or anything they did. it would solve the problem of having to determine appropriateness. i don't see why it's so difficult to figure this out.

VarunaTT · September 2012

Wz, she did say that whoever this person is (unless it's multiple), it's been more than just her job too. That's why I say a cleaning job is necessary.

TKzilla · September 2012

It's been more than about work stuff.

The problem I had with this is that it's most likely a grown woman gossiping about me to my mom about things she already knows. Unfortunately, my mom isn't in a position to tell this woman to eff off. My mom thinks she does this "in my best interest" but frankly, it's annoying as hell and if I knew who it was, I'd tell her to stop. But I don't.

What really upset me last night was that she just said I was saying negative things about my job and the kids. That led my dad to think I was venting on fb the way I vent to him - overexaggerating and swearing a lot and being in general a... um... fiery passionate person. That's simply not the case. I offered to show my mom my fb page so she could see for herself what I said, but she refused. Not a huge deal. But I'm bothered that she won't tell me who is saying this.

6fsn · September 2012

She doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want you to tell them to eff off . She has her reasons so either clean house on facebook or stop posting things you don't want your mom to read.

To be fair people are going to gossip. Whether it's something you post on fb, something you say outloud, or something you do in public people will talk about it.

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