Do you HAVE to register for gifts??

[Deleted User] · January 2012

I honestly just don't feel like going to a store or registering online. I don't have the time. Is it a must? Or can we just include a "the couple is not registered" insert with the invites & they will give cards? (Hopefully not EMPTY cards. Lol.) Did anyone else not register? If so, what was the outcome? Good? Or should I prepare to make a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond or something? Blehhhh

[Deleted User] · January 2012

Sidenote: We have lived together for over 10 yrs & there are no household products that we need, so I don't see what we would gain from registering...

Wiscisbliss · January 2012

Nope you don't have to register. No need to put anything in the invitations.

trixie549 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-gifts-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:81114946-58cf-49e2-8e59-bb77853e7e46Post:e082ba4f-f1d2-43c9-abad-4b1401e8ac7d">Do you HAVE to register for gifts??</a>:
[QUOTE]Or can we just include a "the couple is not registered" insert with the invites Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]

You should never include anything about gifts in a wedding invitation - even if you are stating that you haven't registered anywhere. This type of info is best conveyed through a wedding website or word of mouth.

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

You do not have to register. No mention of gifts should go in or near wedding invitations. If you do not register, do not have a shower.

[Exception: If there are things you want that you're not terribly particular about brand/color/style. I've been invited to showers for kitchen ware that just said, "The bride's kitchen colors will be bright blue and green."]

If you don't register, yes, expect more cash gifts, but also expect random moveable property gifts. I, for one, never give cash or gift cards, and will choose some always-helpful household item, like a serving tray in basic white, if there's no registry.

bchbride062012 · January 2012

You don't have to register BUT you may end up getting some super random presents from those who want to get you a physical present and not a card.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

Ok thank you. I LOVE using those little "guns" @the stores, but the thought is dreadful sometimes. Every wedding invite I have ever gotten has always had an insert that stated where the couple was registered or that they weren't registered. I've never dealt with this before so I was just basing it off what I have seen. So is that bad? The people who did/do that have bad etiquette?

[Deleted User] · January 2012

As far as not having a shower, my MOH has already stated that she is going to throw one. It doesnt matter to me either way. So does this mean I HAVE to register?? Great points about unexpected gifts. Hmmm... decisions, decisions...

BTCarolus · January 2012

You don't *HAVE* to register. In fact, not registering usually leads to cash gifts, instead of "box" gifts, because most people will still want to give you something. However, it's a pretty good idea to put together a small-ish registry (around 15-20 items?) for those people who just *have* to give you a gift rather than a check. This is to avoid getting a vase that totally clashes with your decor, a hand-crocheted toilet paper cover, a hello-kitty toaster, etc.

So, that said: if you want to register there are two options: register for some decor things, or register for "upgrades." Go around, look at what could use replacing, or something you really want but haven't bought yet, and put it on the registry.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

@edielaura, I guess I never looked at it like that. I just saw it as the couple helping make my gift decision easier for me. So my question now becomes, if I DO register, how do I let people know where we are registered? With shower invites? What happens if I don't have a shower? How would we inform people who aren't going to the shower? (we have ALOT of out of town family & friends. I'd say the majority of our wedding guests would bt out of towners & not attend a shower). Thanks for all the info! As you can see, I know nothing!!

MyNameIsNot · January 2012

Edited b/c I posted too slow.

Registry info is spread through word of mouth. If your shower host wants to include that, fine. Other than that, people will ask if they want to know. They can even google it now.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

@BTCarolus, that makes sense.

jagore08 · January 2012

If you do have a shower thrown for you then you should register. Keep a notepad around the house and as you're cleaning, cooking, and doing other random tasks around the house write down what you could use extras of, upgrade, or things that could make these tasks easier. You'd be surprised at what you come up with.

If you really can't find anything to register for then decline all shower offers.

allisonkbye · February 2012

You don't have to but if you found the time to even put a few items one like someoen said, that'd be nice. I love it when people register so I know they really want what I'm getting them, rather than something I'll hope they use!

Hilraythebride · February 2012

If you don't register you will most likely get more cash but also some unwanted gifts. If your not picky that shouldn't be a problem.

What my FI and I are doing is we created a wedding website which has a registry page and so we are going to include this information on the invitation that we have a wedding website for more information. It does include hotel info, info about us, and the registry so its a polite indirect way to mention it.

Also word of mouth usually works aI am not sure if the bridal showers include mention of the registry.

hansa11 · February 2012

We didn't register. I reluctantly agreed to a shower to make my MIL happy and it was a kitchen theme (since I like to cook) and I think guests managed fine without the registry since they had a theme to help guide them.

As for wedding gifts, even though we were upfront when people asked us where we registered that we just wanted people to come and have a good time, just about every last guest gave us something. About half of it was cash or gift cards. Believe it or not, we didn't get anything off-the-wall/not our taste, and really did receive some unique and thoughtful gifts.

Although our wedding involved very little drama, the lack of a registry created the most drama. Even though I'd never met this one aunt of my husband, she e-mailed me (and not him) to tell me how rude it was that we weren't registering and that we were being selfish and denying everyone the opportunity to shower us with love and that if we weren't going to register, she wasn't going to get us anything. (Fine, that's what we preferred!) I made my husband respond to the e-mail.

meganb1977 · February 2012

No you don't have to register, although if you're concerned about dealing with unwanted items it can't hurt to register for a few small decorative things you like to give ideas for people who do want to give a boxed gift. Even sets of towels that you can store for future use when your current towels need to be replaced. If your fiance is willing you can take an hour or two and make a "date night" out of it. I've been with my fiance for over eight years and living on my own for several years before that and I was also concerned about registering but was surprised at how many items we found.

And if you're cool with your MOH hosting a get-together but don't want it to be a gift-giving event, that's fine too. She can call it a "luncheon" or something like that, and if people ask she can let them know they don't need to bring a gift.

hoffse · February 2012

While nobody in my circle would call you out for it like PP's aunt (that's crazy, btw), people in my circle would probably think you're rude to not have at least a small list. I'm one of those people who really hates giving cash, and I like having registries for guidance. FI and I are invited to a wedding in May, and I got an email this morning about Macy's red sale this weekend - I looked to see if the couple has registered yet on their website, and they haven't. While it's not necessarily too late, I'm starting to think they might be fishing for cash by not registering, and personally I find that very distasteful. My go-to gifts for non-registered couples are some sort of vase or platter (usually a platter) or that bride and groom cookbook set from Williams-Sonoma. The only time I've ever given even a cash equivalent was to a friend of mine who eloped and clearly had no expectation of gifts at all. She was very surprised to get my card in the mail with a gift card inside, and she sent me a nice thank you about how excited she was.

I know I'm in the minority on these boards for being all pro-physical-gift-to-the-point-where-I-won't-give-cash, but it's how my circle works. While I have been contemplating my registry before even getting engaged (I bought some of my china before we got engaged because of a crazy good deal I ran into), the cash aspect of it truly never occurred to me until reading these boards. I think you should have at least a small list in several price points. Like PP said, see if there are any upgrades you could make or fun appliances you've sort of wanted but have never been able to justify. Or maybe this is an opportunity to update the color scheme in your bedroom/bath or replace old towels that your FI has worn out or stained in the laundry (if he's anything like my FI). If you don't have formal china/crystal/flatware, this is also an opportunity to get it or maybe holiday dishes that you've always loved but have never spent your own money on.

amys325 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-gifts-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:81114946-58cf-49e2-8e59-bb77853e7e46Post:77251760-5299-4ab1-8824-2fb28ed1fd6b">Re: Do you HAVE to register for gifts??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you do have a shower thrown for you then you should register. Keep a notepad around the house and as you're cleaning, cooking, and doing other random tasks around the house write down what you could use extras of, upgrade, or things that could make these tasks easier. You'd be surprised at what you come up with. <strong>If you really can't find anything to register for then decline all shower offers.
</strong>Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

I agree that you should be able to find a few things to register for, but I disagree with the bolded.

She can have a shower if she doesn't register, but she should be prepared for a log of random stuff or even a bunch of repeat gifts.

People had showers long before registries existed.

mhogberg · February 2012

This was a very tough decision for my fiance and I as well. We, like you have lived together for awhile, lived apart by ourselves before we met, and both make a decent enough living to where if we see something that we want we just get it, well usually. Also neither one of us was raised saying "I want this or I want that." So it was also a moral issue as well. So what does this all mean, we have two of a lot of house hold items, and even more of some because as we see nicer things that we want we get. We were also very lucky, I have an older brother who is in college for his masters, and is still a bachelor. So yes he is getting alot of random odds and ends to help supply his apartment. This also means that his future girlfriend will more than likely hate me for passing all my randon crap to his kitchen. So we were not going to register but after talking to family they explained something; if we didn't, then we had a really good chance of getting things that we already had plenty of i.e. plastic utincils that come in with pot sets. UGG HATE THESE WITH A PASSION. Look at it as a fun "date" and you and your spouse are making a "wish list" of things you would like to have in your home but just can't spend the money on at this point and time.
So we registered with the intention to donate all the older things to good will, or older brother.

mhogberg · February 2012

just a thought if its considered rude then why isn't it rude saying i want i want i want...just something that has always bugged me lol

Do you HAVE to register for gifts??

Re: Do you HAVE to register for gifts??

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