Down

Re: Down

• StephBeanWed61502 member

  

  January 2012

  Here's the thing - your MOH is supposed to be your best friend, not your free wedding planner.  The only "job" the MOH has is to buy the right dress and show up sober on the right day.  As far as wedding planning goes, the only person who is obligated to help you plan your wedding is your fiance.  If you love this girl and couldn't imagine your wedding without her beside you, ask her to be your MOH anyway, and stop thinking of your bridal party as free labor.  If someone offers to help in some way, it's totally fine to accept their help, but don't expect them to do anything other than help you pick the bridesmaids' dress and to show up in it on the right day.

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• calindi member

  

  January 2012

  You don't need "help" planning a wedding.  Trust me.  I live 2000 miles away from family and friends, and the location where we're getting married, and it only took 2 months to plan everything. 
  
  The only thing you'd want people with you would be to dress shop and bridesmaid's dress shopping, which presumably she'd still have to do if she was a bridesmaid and not MOH.  You don't WANT a ton of people to go with you wedding dress shopping - have you ever seen Say Yes to the Dress?  Where there are way too many people with way too many opinions?  Yeah, bring 1-2, maybe 3 people max, and only if you value their opinion and like their fashion sense (not just want them to tell you how beautiful you are - that's for after you buy it, you can bring them for a fitting if you want, because then they won't criticize the dress you love).
  
  Anyway, moral of the story is if she is indeed your best friend, then invite her to be your MOH.  It's not about having a wedding planner, it's about having your person stand next to you on your wedding day in order to say they support this marriage for their friend.  There's no tasks or jobs to do.  Even showers and bachelorette parties, which are by no means required tasks for bridal party, don't have to happen until shortly before the wedding, so she should still be able to do them even if she's getting married with the help of your other bridesmaids.
  
  Seriously, I don't get these people who want to not commit to anything in the months before their wedding.  It's a glorified party - a really fun awesome party where you get to marry a really awesome person, but still it's just a party.  You hire vendors, you buy an outfit, you show up.  Done.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• Ajoyd member

  

  January 2012

  I agree with PPs, if she is your very best friend you should ask her, although it sounds as if she may not be. If you are as close or closer with your other friend, then choose whoever you want.
  
  Based on your post I assume you have not asked anyone. If you have already asked someone then she is your MOH, period, unless she chooses to step down.

  Married my love 8-25-12 TTC #1 since September 2012. BFP 2-2-13. My BFP Chart

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• kthowell

  

  January 2012

  I agree with Steph

  

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• mercy4

  

  January 2012

  She is not your wedding planner.  If she's your best friend, make her your MOH.  If you need help planning your wedding, come here or hire a consultant.

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• LittleMissCutiePie

  

  January 2012

  Just let it go. Different girls have different ideas of what a Bm or MOH does. It was rude of her to assume, but that ship has sailed. Just let it be.

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• owengirl996 member

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  I agree with others here...if you want her as your MOH, don't NOT make her one because she can't help you. My cousin did that to me and it hurt...but I'm sure it hurt the MOH just as much if she ever figured it out, since she was chosen because she lived closer than me and could help. (But in the end, I ended up helping more from a distance because I wanted to!)
  
  There's nothing that says if you're her MOH that you have to help her plan her wedding either. It's great to offer, and great to have help, but as others said, it is not required. If you don't want her to be your MOH and haven't already asked, that's fine too. If her wedding is in April, that still gives about 4 months before your wedding...plenty of time for help with some of the details if she really does want to help.

  

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