Stock the Bar?

Re: Stock the Bar?

• cebrady89 member

  

  January 2012

  I think you need to tell them that you don't drink, and would not be comfortable having this kind of shower.

  
  

  If they want to throw a party for you and your fiance, they might be willing to host a more traditional shower, or even just a cocktail party where no one is bringing alcohol for you.

  
  

  Is this something traditional in their family? I'm a little confused as to why his family wants to host a shower to give you alcohol if you don't drink. What does your fiance say about this? Definitely talk to him before doing any of what I mentioned above

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• slaketahoebride member

  

  January 2012

  I would have your fiance talk to them about having something that fits your personalities a little more.

  

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• Avion22 member

  

  January 2012

  #1:   I would talk to them about it and see if they are willing to adjust the theme of the shower (or even turn it into an engagement party).  Your fiance could help start the discussion.

  
  

  #2:   I don't think people will ask questions about why your Dad isn't there.  I mean, if he lived in town maybe, but I don't think people would expect a father to be at a shower anyway, certainly not from out-of-town.  If your Mom is going to be there, and you think people will ask about your Dad, then you can always say something like "He couldn't make it" and leave it at that.  You don't have to mention his health if you don't feel comfortable discussing it.   If people press the issue, you could use my favorite response (a la Dear Abbey): "Why do you want to know?"   

  
  

  #3:  They don't HAVE to ask you who you would like to invite.  I mean, it's good form, but if they are hosting then they can invite who they want.  Maybe they can't afford to host both their side of the family AND yours.  I agree it would be nice for them to ask if there are a few people you would like to invite....but it's not necessary.

  
  

  Overall, if the whole thing just isn't working for you, you CAN just decline their offer of a shower.   But since this is his family (and soon will be YOUR family) I think it's worth it to try to talk through some of your concerns first before you turn it down.

  

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• meganb1977 member

  

  January 2012

  Does your fiance feel the same way you do (i.e. that he doesn't drink and doesn't want alcohol in the house)?  If so, I agree with pps that you or you and your fiance should let his family know in a kind and gentle way that you appreciate the gesture but stocking the bar is not something that would be useful for you and perhaps just a get-together or a more traditional registry gift couples shower would be better, and that if they don't mind you would like to suggest some people you would like to be there (so long as you're understanding if it's not practical to add to the guest list).
  
  If this is something your fiance's family does as a tradition and/or it's something your fiance wants to do, perhaps you could compromise and go along with it and then you could re-gift the alcohol to co-workers or friends outside that circle.

  Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.

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• Ali092011 member

  

  January 2012

  I think your best course of action would be to graciously accept the shower.
  
  1. Megan is right, you could probably find use for the alcohol as something to bring when you're invited to someone else's house, or a last-minute gift for a friend who does drink.
  2. If you say "My father wasn't feeling well and we thought it would be best for him not to travel," no one with any manners would pry. They'll just say, "I'm sorry to hear that." (By the way, I'm sorry. I have family members with MS as well and I know it's never easy.)
  3. That's kind of rude of them, but do you have another shower to look forward to? Maybe your BMs will think of something that's a bit more "you."
  
  It sounds like there are a lot of reasons you wouldn't want to accept this, but it may not be worth ruffling feathers on your FI's side of the family. It sounds like it means a lot to them to do this.
  
  I have nothing else to add except laketahoebride, your siggy pic is AMAZING! And so is your dress (Vera Wang?)!

  

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• jessicabessica member

  

  January 2012

  If your FI would like to have it and likes the idea of the couples shower, I would go along with it.  If he doesn't want it or doesn't care, I would have him talk to the hosts about scaling back on the theme or declining the shower.  

  
  

  I agree that the hosts don't need to consult the couple on who to invite, but I think it's strange that they did not ask for anyone that you'd particularly like to be invited.  I think it would be reasonable for your FI to politely ask them if there is room for your bridesmaids or grandmothers, since they'd really love to be part of the festivities--but if the hosts say no, that's the answer.  

  
  

  And ditto Ali, slaketahoebride, that photo is beyond gorgeous.  

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• melntaitt member

  

  January 2012

  I totally agree with you; I couldn't imagine people offering me a party where people stocked my kitchen with baking supplies. It would take up space, be annoying to look at and be wasted over time. Go with your gut.

  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  January 2012

  Does your fiancé want that type of shower? That's important to know. Because if neither if you are big drinkers or could care less, then it seems like a pointless "theme" As for your dad, regardless of why he isn't there, he isn't there. You don't need to say why. Are you upset he can't come, is that it? Are your bridesmaids and grandmothers invited? If not, you can speak up. You don't have to DEMAND it, but you can definitely let them know that your grandmother is an important guest. Worse comes to worse, you can decline and this shower can be for you fiancé.

  
  

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• kekr0202 member

  

  January 2012

  My best advice: have the shower and send us the booze.  We'll pay the shipping!  Ha!
  
  I have never heard of this but wish it were tradition in my fam!

  

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