My worst nightmare is happening.

erinachan · September 2012

So as excited as I am to get married, the whole process has been rather stressful to the point where now I have terrible vocal and physical tics that I can't control and occurs every few seconds.

I had these tics all throughout high school but to a lesser degree and it took YEARS to get rid of them but I was essentially free from them for most of my 20's. It only started up again about 3 weeks ago when I bought my wedding dress. The whole wedding dress incident was traumatic for me because it was the first time seeing really how much weight I have gained and it must have terrified me to have everyone see me that way. Everyone is convinced that the wedding dress incident is the catalyst for reigniting my tics to an epic proportion.

Now I am beyond terrified of standing in front of my family and friends as well as my fiance's family and friends trying to say a few simple words and doing involuntary movement every few moments. I was already dreading things because of my weight but now I have exactly one month till my wedding and I can't even get control over my own body. I'm not really sure if this a rant or desperate plea for any ideas on how to overcome this but I am just at a total loss of what to do without feeeling humiliated on what is supposed to be one of the most important days of a persons life.

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

I'm so sorry! I have no advice because I'm not familiar with tics, but try to remain optimistic. There is time to get the dress modified, and you will look beautiful. Try to eliminate stress (which is tough), but deligate and figure out things that really just don't matter if they get done. If you can get married with all that you have planned thus far, then try to take the next few weeks to relax and regain composure of your body. Good luck!

hllokttygirl · September 2012

I have anxiety and panic attacks, so while its not the same, I feel for you. I am trying meditation to keep me calm during the planning as I choose not to take meds. Try to eliminate as much stress as you can. As far as the dress and weight, you will look beautiful on your day. Your FI will only see the beautiful woman he wants to marry. I have gained 40 pounds in the past 3 years, but I have learned to move past that and, even though its cliche, love myself. I try to see myself like FI sees me. Remember to breathe and focus on the positives

erinachan · September 2012

Thank you guys! I know I need to relax to have any chance of coming off normal, i just still have so much to do, i might just have to give up on some things and focus on remaining calm or figure a way to delegate. Thank you so much again for the kind words, this has just been the worst timing, they are so painful and humiliating I just can't fathom having everyone see me like this.

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_my-worst-nightmare-is-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:b005010a-5d5e-4e0b-b1a6-ec446b4543baPost:1f91e0a8-39ab-4f36-b226-84af457963e5">Re: My worst nightmare is happening.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you guys! I know I need to relax to have any chance of coming off normal, i just still have so much to do, i might just have to give up on some things and focus on remaining calm or figure a way to delegate. Thank you so much again for the kind words, this has just been the worst timing, they are so painful and humiliating I just can't fathom having everyone see me like this.
Posted by erinachan[/QUOTE]

Delegate! Ask your friends and family. And again, if you don't <em>need </em>it on your day to get married, then scrape it! Your health is more important than the bows you need to tie or having every song picked out for the reception!

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Ok, I have no idea what I'm talking about but do you have a wii or xbox and if you do, do you have like rock band or guitar hero? Perhaps a little fun with some singing where you are just relaxed and singing would help? Also remember that the people who are at your wedding love you and are excited to celebrate with you. Your FI loves you the way you are and at this point you just have to accept yourself and be ok with it. Also, or perhaps or whatever you could change your ceremony a bit so it is not as long or you are not doing as much in front of people I went to a Greek orthodox ceremony and the bride and groom literally did not say a thing! If you are writing your own vows you could shorten them or have the officiant read them. Here is the last thing I'm going to say, could you secretly get married before hand and just skip to the reception part? Perhaps a bit extreme but whatever would help!

mmmendi · September 2012

What's wrong with the dress? What's wrong with some weight gain? I believe oh so strongly in health, not numbers on a scale. Your FI loves you! He is marrying you at whatever number that might be. That might not be what you thought you wanted to hear, but if he loves you then you should feel free to love you first and foremost. Love yourself, love that dress and take whatever steps you need to to feel you are striving to be a healthy bride. I believe that you will be phenomenal!

AllieHysh19 · September 2012

Honestly, as hard as it is now, just think about what life will be like AFTER the wedding - that's the goal, right? married bliss? so trust me, forget about all of the details - all of them. You are getting married.... your FI and your future life is all that really matters

The decor, the flowers, the dress, none of it truly matters. try to focus on that, and I'm sure it's mostly mind over matter.

Hope that helps....

violakat03 · September 2012

What Allie posted is exactly what got me through a panic attack a few weeks ago. I haven't had a panic attack in 3 years, but the wedding stress triggered one. My MOH got me through it by calming me down and reminding me that in the end, all that matters is that FI and I will be husband and wife. No one's going to remember the little details (not even you) and ten years from now, none of it will matter. All that will matter is how much you and your FI love each other.

Simply_Caitlin · September 2012

I hate to say it, but freaking out about freaking out is only going to make you freak out!
The more you worry about having these tics, the more you're going to have them.

You need to take a day away from wedding planning altogether and do something you find relaxing. Mani-pedi? Yoga? Stop being so hard on yourself. Weight gain is not something you should feel shame about. Focus on the purpose of the day, starting your life with the man you love, who loves you, exactly as you are. Don't worry about anything else. It's hard, I know it is. Just try, try to focus on the important things.

And remember, the dress, the party, the audience, none of that is what is important.

Simply_Caitlin · September 2012

I hope that didn't come across harsh. I'm struggling to take my own advice as I have terrible anxiety attacks and I'm very worried about having one that day. It's going to be ok though. Nothing is going to ruin it. Your worst nightmare should be not making it to the altar, not potentially having an awkward tic.

My worst nightmare is happening.

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