question about hosting a bridal shower

happyalpaca · January 2013

I've been lurking on the knot community for awhile, mostly because i like to read other people's wedding drama and see diy's that they have made, but this is my first post. I am posting on WW rather than in pre wedding parties because I feel like I will get the answers that I need to hear here, rather than just what I want to hear, and also because I like the regular posters vibes.

On to the question!

My best friend is getting married in June and I am her MOH. I am very excited to get to host her bridal shower. It is something that I have always looked forward to, and I want to make it really special for her since she has been my rock for the last 16 years. My issue is this: Her fiance's family is very wealthy and is paying for a majority of the wedding. His mother, aunt, and sister are all very involved. I know that they have talked about having the shower at a tea room or brunch place amongst themselves but not with me, the Bride has told me this. If we do the shower at a restaurant I know that his mom will pay for it, and I feel that would essentially make her the host.

I haven't spoken with them directly yet, because I want to make sure I approach the situation having considered all angles... I don't do well with confrontation. Is it selfish of me to want to host it at MY house and not do what they want? And is it such a bad thing to be selfish in this situration? The bride has not expressed that she wants it to be held any specific place.

And if I DO host it at my house, to what extent should their involvement be? I have no problem doing all the work myself, I think it is worth it. Should I just tell them "I've got it covered, sit back and relax"? I don't mind relinquishing duties, but I do have a vision for what I want. Should I back off and let them help plan it if they offer?

Thanks for any advice!

*Barbie* · January 2013

I would approach the FMIL and let her know that I was interested in planning a shower for bride, and that I heard she was also looking into it. Discuss your ideas with her and see where it goes.

I can see this going a couple of ways:

1) FMIL (and family) want to pay for and host the whole party with no involvement from you

2) FMIL is happy to work with you (even contribute financially) on throwing a nice party. You gracefully accept the offer to help pay and contribute other ways as a co-host

3) You end up planning a 2nd shower that is more low-key than FMIL's shower

4) You scrap the shower idea (let FMIL throw it) and host a kick-ass bachelorette party/lunch/weekend instead.

I'm sure your friend will appreciate whatever you do for her.

mrsconn23 · January 2013

I agree with Barbie.

If your friends FMIL really wants to do this shower her way, I'd talk to your friend about it. She may suggest you just go forward with it so as not to step on any toes/create butthurt/whatever. If it becomes FMIL's shower, I'd definitely refocus efforts on an awesome bachelorette party.

dharmabunny · January 2013

In Response to Re:question about hosting a bridal shower:[QUOTE]I agree with Barbie. If your friends FMIL really wants to do this shower her way, I'd talk to your friend about it.nbsp; She may suggest you just go forward with it so as not to step on any toes/create butthurt/whatever. If it becomes FMIL's shower, I'd definitely refocus efforts on an awesome bachelorette party. Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]

This. A killer bach would be a good idea. You wouldn't be stretched so thin either.

happyalpaca · January 2013

Thank you all for your input!

I guess the next step would be to talk to them in person and try to get a better understanding of what exactly his family wants to do, then go from there.

An awesome bachelorette party would be great to plan! However, this last weekend I was informed that the MOB and her BFF are planning a lingerie party (is that really weird to anyone else??) that will be held before the bachelorette party. So... I am going to try to roll with that, but it might be a little tricky.

*Barbie* · January 2013

one more suggestion if the bachelorette doesn't work either - treat your friend (and yourself) to a spa day and lunch/dinner sometime before her wedding. My SILs did this for me, and it was really sweet of them.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_question-about-hosting-a-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5accb916-75f1-4c45-8519-df518685fac0Post:06ab253b-e9be-4c4a-895d-d533fd337dbf">Re: question about hosting a bridal shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your input! I guess the next step would be to talk to them in person and try to get a better understanding of what exactly his family wants to do, then go from there. An awesome bachelorette party would be great to plan! However, this last weekend I was informed that the <strong>MOB and her BFF are planning a lingerie party (is that really weird to anyone else??) that will be held before the bachelorette party</strong>. So... I am going to try to roll with that, but it might be a little tricky.
Posted by happyalpaca[/QUOTE]

Out of curiosity are you saying lingere parties are weird or that the mom and the mom's friend hosting it is weird? Personally, I'm a fan of lingere parties, they're fun. But the mom being involved is super weird. I remember my BFF got some nice silk nighties from her MIL at her bridal shower. Although they were gorgeous and she loved them, she wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond ("Thank you I'll wear them all the time... while I'm in bed with your son" :p) and she didn't feel like she could be like "Look honey, your mom gave me these." lol

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