Tacky or Sweet? Opinions?

x3Harmony534 · May 2010

FI & I were talking about favors for the wedding. I think they're nice, but half of them usually get left & they're not super important. I thought it would be nice to give a donation to a charity that is meaningful to us, and put a note out for our guests to see. He thinks it's a tacky/cheap idea to not give them something to come home with. I understand his logic, so now I'm confused. What do you ladies think?

x3Harmony534 · May 2010

I was also thinking if we do chose to do it we could give them something to go home with related to the charity. For instance I work at a nonprofit center for children with motor disabilities. If we donated to them we could put out little cards with bios about each of the kids & the charity for them to go home with. At least that way they have something to go home with, even if it's not particularly useful. LOL I also think it makes the donation a little more meaningful to the guests. Thoughts?

Pretty Parula · May 2010

I don't think you need to give them something related to the charity... if you want to, cool, but not necessary. I hate taking favours home from weddings. A lot.

We did a gelato bar instead of favours for ours, so maybe something that folks can eat so they don't have some little trinkety stuff sitting around after your wedding is over and gone.

AileeneG · May 2010

I think that while some people like them, a lot of people don't really care if they don't get a take-home gift. Half of them get left, like you mentioned, and a lot get thrown away after the fact, even if people take them home. I personally, am not going to decorate my home with little tchotchke's with other people's names and wedding dates on them. If it's an edible favor, then maybe more people will actually eat them, but I think that giving to the charity and putting out bio cards would is fine, too.

AlexiaANDRobert · May 2010

I think giving to charity in lieu of favors is AWish.

If you want to give to charity, fine. But don't do it instead of the favor.

IMO, you can give to charity and not do favors, but one has nothing to do with the other. You can even take whatever money you would spend on favors and donate to a charity, but again, not connect it to the wedding, KWIM?

AileeneG · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_tacky-sweet-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:92780a6d-62f1-4e9b-9fd3-081eeb429edfPost:b555c37e-48eb-492c-84d5-3beed8ccd9aa">Re: Tacky or Sweet? Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think giving to charity in lieu of favors is AWish. If you want to give to charity, fine. But don't do it instead of the favor. IMO, you can give to charity and not do favors, but one has nothing to do with the other. You can even take whatever money you would spend on favors and donate to a charity, but again, not connect it to the wedding, KWIM?
Posted by AlexiaANDRobert[/QUOTE]

I don't know, If the donation is given in the guests' name, I think it's nice to let them know. But I do see how it could be seen as unrelated...

AlexiaANDRobert · May 2010

I've always viewed donations and giving to charity as private.

And there are a lot of people that don't necessarily support certain charities or foundations.

For example (seriously, just a random example), a dog hater would not appreciate you giving money to the Humane Society in "their" name.

x3Harmony534 · May 2010

I also considered the possibility of giving to a charity that some people may not support. We will have to be cautious of that when choosing if that's the route we decide to go. Like I said I work at a non profit center for kids with motor disabilities. (I won't be working there when we get married so it won't look like a bribe to my boss, lol) Very little to hate about that IMHO, so we may choose that if we go with this idea. I don't know. *shrug* we'll figure something out. Just wanted to test the waters & get others opinions. Thanks ladies!

mlharbis · May 2010

I agree with Alexia- donations are a private matter. If you want to use the favor money to give a donation do it but dont connect it with the guests or whatever. I feel like I read something about it not being "proper wedding ettiquette" (whatever that means) but I don't remember where I read it and what exactly it said.

Favors are unnecessary. I am having fortune cookies for guests to grab when they leave but thats as close to a favor as they are getting.

AileeneG · May 2010

That's a very valid point, and I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, BTW. I just never thought of it as tacky

therockisblinding05 · May 2010

I may be in the minority but for some reason I really like having something to take home from a wedding. I dunno why but I just do. But I do agree that if you are worried about ppl not taking them or using them, use something edible.

jln555 · May 2010

I have to Agree .

I always enjoyed recieving a favor.

I'm not sure how I would feel if I went to a wedding left a $100-$200 dollar check and they didn't even have a favor for their guests. (Then again I guess it depends on the caliber of the wedding.

The favor isn't only thanking them for Attending but also for the Gift they will most likely be leaving. Many people almost break even at weddings (that is if your the ones paying for your own wedding.) The favor doesn't have to be expensive I think you could even bake stuff yourself and wrap it in a baggie with a bow and it's more of the "thought that counts".

Theresa626 · May 2010

jln555, I couldn't disagree with you more. The thank you for attending is called a hand written thank you note sent after the event. Also, they are getting a very gourmet meal, dancing and five hours of free alcohol. I don't know why they also need a free themed chotcke to thank them in eating a meal paid for by me.

Also, I really really disagree that most people break even at weddings. Are you serious? There is no way in hell that i'm going to get enough cash to cover the cost of my wedding and I honestly don't know how anyone would. Even if you had a really budget wedding, people would probably bring less expensive gifts so it still wouldn't cover the cost.

I've never been to a wedding with favors and I have never missed them. I have been to other events with favors though and most of the favors were left there. What is the point?

Theresa626 · May 2010

I think it's sad when giving to charity is seen as tacky. Are people that self centered that they see a couple has given to charity in lieu of a favor and they think "oh, how tacky"? I'm pretty sure the charity has put that money to far better use than you ever will to your themed wine bottle stopper or whatever...

AlexiaANDRobert · May 2010

To clarify, I don't think 'tacky' is the correct word.

I just think charity has NOTHING to do with a wedding and it's AW-ish to announce at a wedding that you're giving money to charity.

Give to charity Just do it.

And have your wedding.

Don't connect the two.

Everytime you send a check to your supported charity, do you send an email out to all your family and friends? Do you post it on facebook? No? Because donations are, generally speaking, private.

jmucheech21 · May 2010

I totally support this. My fiance and I both teach children with autism. We met at our jobs and these kids are our life's work. We love our chosen careers and doing what we do is a HUGE part of who we are.

We have discussed donating to a charity for individuals with autism in lieu of giving traditional favors. I do not find this to be at all an issue of "tacky" to "announce" that we are giving to an organization. Sure, I don't typically announce when I donate, but this is telling people, "hey, this is something important to us and to our world at large. We saved money for our wedding and with that money that was dedicated to favors, we were able to do something special." Anyone that knows us will not "judge" our announcement. Its much less "hey, look at what good people we are for donating" and much more of "hey, here's a cause that is near and dear to our hearts and we want to honor it today." We choose bridesmaids and readers and ushers to honor all of our friends.. we announce them and have them stand up in front of everyone. Why not honor a cause that is equally as important to us? Why not announce it and tell everyone just how special that cause is to us.

Anyway, I think it is very beautiful to use money that you have set aside for your wedding day to support something you believe in. A friend of ours gave to Susan G Komen because her mother was a breast cancer survivor and I thought it was a classic way to honor and support her mother and her cause.

Bottom Line: Its your wedding!!! Do what makes you happy and if people disagree with it, then so be it. They are there for your special day and those who truly matter will realize that and not miss the bag of M&Ms.

andee1353 · May 2010

Go Jennifer! I totally agree. Everything you are doing at your wedding is a refection of you and your husband. People at your wedding know you well enough to know you are not announcing your donation saying "hey look at us, aren't we great" but to say "we honor you dear guests, we have made a donation to an organization that is special to us just as you are."

Go Theresa! " The thank you for attending is called a hand written thank you note sent after the event. Also, they are getting a very gourmet meal, dancing and five hours of free alcohol. I don't know why they also need a free themed chotcke to thank them...." Your are so right! And guess what, most of them don't want it anyway.

One thing everyone here agrees on is true as well....it's your day, your $$, do what feels right for you.

AlexiaANDRobert · May 2010

Aye dios mio.

Skip the favors. They're not necessary.

Give to charity. Go ahead, no one is stopping you. Giving to charity is awesome.

DO NOT announce donation at wedding. It's AW-ish, and really pretentious.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2010

FAQ link in my siggy has a pretty common response about favors vs. donations from the national boards.

The big problems:
- it's rude to tell someone what they're not getting
-many people have ethical issues with certain charities and are uncomfortable with having their names attached to a charity chosen "in their honor" that they normally would not support.

mlharbis · May 2010

I agree 100% with Alexia and Mrs. B!!!!!

umcollegegrl · May 2010

I also agree with Alexia and Mrs. B

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