Snarky Brides

WWSBD? Family finances.

My mom told me earlier this week that my niece (almost 19, going to CC, no job) came into some money, not a lot but a decent chunk recently and my mom had her put the majority of it into savings for when she transfers to the state university next year.  Because my mom is the co-signer on her bank accounts, she can see all of the transactions and my niece has already blown through over 3/4 of the money in less than 2 weeks.  My mom doesn't want to bring it up because she thinks my niece will feel like she's being spied on and my H thinks I should talk to my niece about what's going on - which would obviously rat my mom out for checking her accounts.  Our biggest concern is that my sister has manipulated my niece into buying her things but we can't know that unless we ask...  So what would you do? 
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Re: WWSBD? Family finances.

  • How much money are you talking?

    If it was like 10K and she went through 8K in 2 weeks, I would say something.  But if it was a few grand and she spent it, whatever. 
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  • This might be an UO, but it's her money. If she wants to spend it willy nilly, I think she will be the one to regret it later. I wouldn't say anything and let her learn from her own mistakes. If you think your sister has a hand in the spending, I would ask her, not your niece.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwsbd-family-finances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1f1f12fd-2db8-4b95-8d78-2b9b6ac8e61dPost:00a35623-4aea-460b-812e-3736bf32e42c">Re: WWSBD? Family finances.</a>:
    [QUOTE]How much money are you talking? If it was like 10K and she went through 8K in 2 weeks, I would say something.  But if it was a few grand and she spent it, whatever. 
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.

    Also, depending on how much we are talking about, I think a young person like that blowing the money is to be expected.
    You and she are pretty close aren't you? Maybe you could go to lunch or something and you can ask her what her plans are and see if she brings it up.
    image
  • I just mean, like at this point its almost gone so saying something might just piss her off.
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  • Your neice knows that your mom is the cosigner? Then I think it would be fair just to ask the question "what are your plans?" and see if she will have an open conversation with where the money is going before you tell her your mom has been monitoring the account.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwsbd-family-finances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1f1f12fd-2db8-4b95-8d78-2b9b6ac8e61dPost:5fb4d0e8-18fd-46d3-ad31-c3942ab609bc">Re: WWSBD? Family finances.</a>:
    [QUOTE]This might be an UO, but it's her money. <strong>If she wants to spend it willy nilly, I think she will be the one to regret it later. I wouldn't say anything and let her learn from her own mistakes</strong>. If you think your sister has a hand in the spending, I would ask her, not your niece.
    Posted by ErinG93[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.
    Down the road if she shows signs of regretting it there can be a discussion on responsible money management. But since the money has already been spent, there's not much you can do right now.
  • I agree it depends on how much it is.  And what she blew it on.  If it was something slighly practical (i.e. a newer car if hers was breaking down) or something like that, I wouldn't worry about it.  The only way I'd personally make sure she's talked to is if there are tax implications she hasn't realized that could wind her in the negative.  Idk the tax rules on the money she got, but there's a chance that other 1/4 needs to go to taxes so she shouldn't touch it.
  • The question that comes to my mind is why is it that your mom is the co-signer for your neice? Does she have a certain relationship with her?  I think that it would have probably been an appropriate time to have the conversation when the account was opened, but at this point I'm not sure what all can be done.  What kinds of things is she spending it on, or do you know?

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  • Koda - good point (about people talking behind her back). 

    No, it's not $10k but for her family it's still a significant amount.  And I don't know if she's aware that anyone knows about it besides my mom and her parents. 

    TBH, I'm the LAST person who should talk to her about responsible spending so if it's really her that blew through it on random crap she doesn't need, I'd get it.   But it's a very distinct possibility it's my sister taking advantage and that just pisses me off. 

    I think I'll leave this up to my mom. 

    Thanks ladies.
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  • reilsreils member
    First Comment
    I agree with Blue and Erin. It depends on how much money. If it's just a couple of grand or so then it's her fault for spending it and I am sure she'll regret it later. If it's a lot more than that then something needs to be said. 

    Can you (or someone) talk to your sister to see what's going on on her end of things? 
  • Brandi, my mom is a huge part of both my nieces lives...  My sister is pretty messed up so a good part of their raising has been done by Grandma.  They opened the account when she was a minor and required a co-signer and my sister can't be trusted. 

    jcb - we have no idea what she's purchased, other than a $300 ebay charge everything else has been cash withdrawals. 
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  • That's gotta be so frustrating Girlie to not know if your sister took advantage of your niece. 
  • It is Chels.  We can't even give the girls gift cards or cash anymore because their mom will take them so for birthdays & Christmas I just take them shopping myself. 

    Reils, no point really in asking my sister because she'll either not remember it or deny it. 
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  • Girlie, I think your mom should have a "what are your plans for this cash" talk with your neice.  Even if she acts like she thinks it's all still there and available.  Your neice needs to start thinking long term about money, even if she's not thinking long term about THIS money.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwsbd-family-finances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1f1f12fd-2db8-4b95-8d78-2b9b6ac8e61dPost:42aefe64-766a-4f68-bfeb-85342bfd3347">Re: WWSBD? Family finances.</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is Chels.  <strong>We can't even give the girls gift cards or cash anymore because their mom will take them </strong>so for birthdays & Christmas I just take them shopping myself.  Reils, no point really in asking my sister because she'll either not remember it or deny it. 
    Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

    What?! 
    What happens when you confront her on that?  That is so messed up.
  • Sadly Chels, we don't confront her.  It's a really effed up situation. 

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  • I personally would stay out of it. This is a good way to start a family fight. Stay out of her finances.
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