Waiting on the ring ...VENT!

babygrl283 · February 2012

So my boyfriend and have been together for 5 years, and lived together for 3. I am 25 and he is 27. We're at the point where everyone keeps asking, "So did he propose yet?" "When is he going to propose?" "What's taking so long?"
Like seriously people, LAY OFF!
We talk about getting married all the time - stuff like the colors, the wedding party, the songs, etc. We've gone ring shopping a few times as well. I've told people this too, to get them to stop asking and they've replied "Well shopping isn't buying". LIke WTF!
Money is definately an issue and one of the reasons we are not engaged yet. We're trying to save and pay off debt (each of us had quite a bit) and want to have the wedding we want!
So how in the heck do I respond to these people that are asking me over and over!
Like it's nice that they want us to be engaged, but when I am, I will tell you! Stop asking me! You asking isn't going to make it happen any faster!!
I feel like it's going to take away from when we actually do get engaged. I feel like I'm going to be like "Here, we're engaged, are you happy now?"
wahhh how do I make them stopppp!

blgrout · February 2012

I was in a similar situation with my FI before he proposed. We each brought some debt to the table and then I accumulated a lot of medical debt shortly after we moved into together, so we made it a point to get that under control before we would get engaged. I really, really, REALLY wanted to get married, and I got tired of people asking too, because everyone couldn't believe how long it took (we were together just over 4 years when he proposed). I got tired of the questions too, so I used some snarky comebacks a few times, like "well, we aren't getting married because we want to stay happy" or "I'll get married when you have a baby" and the like. Of course, that only worked on a few people (friends, DEFINITELY not family), and they quit asking. For family members, I just asked a few why they cared so much, and nobody had an answer! They quit asking eventually.

I know it's hard, but try and ignore it. You guys know what's best for you, not anyone else. The waiting definitely won't take away from the specialness when you do get engaged.

redheadfsu · February 2012

Just reply, "No, why do you ask?' "Why aren't you engaged yet?" "No, but since we are asking personal questions, how is your sex life?" "Are you pregnant yet?" Or other embarrassing comments back.

rlavach · February 2012

I fielded a few questions like that too, even though we were only dating a little over 1 year when we got engaged. When people asked, I always said 'I dunno, why don't you ask him?' That usually shut them up.

I do like redhead's questions better...

jemmini6 · February 2012

It's unfortunate, but these questions will never stop. As soon as you do get engaged, then they'll ask invasive questions about the wedding. Then once you get married, they'll start to berate you about when you are having kids. Then when you have kids, they'll ask when the next one is coming. It sucks, but it's a part of life.

I've found the best way to deal with it is sarcasm (similar to responses that redhead posted). It seriously works wonders because it lets people know how rude they are being without directly saying it. One of my favorites was "well we decided that we were going to push it back 3 months everytime someone asks us that question, so we're already a few years out at this point since people don't know how to mind their own business."

babygrl283 · February 2012

Thanks guys

you all made me laugh! I love those responses, and feel better equipped on how to address these people!

Luckycharm87 · February 2012

REDHEADFSU-- I LOVE IT!!!

Sassenach1743 · February 2012

Just remember that people like this are both clueless at how invasive and rude they are acting AND have no social couth whatsoever. These people have nothing better to talk about? They have no real interest in what you or our BF's lives are about and can only fill the awkward pauses in conversation past "Hi, nice to see you" with questions about your personal life that are non of their business and were never on the table for discussion in the first place!

You are totally on point with your plans and when you're ready to share those plans with the world you will. Just take your time and don't worry what others are thinking or saying because it's their issue if they have nothing better to talk about. So either brush up on some sarcasm or give it to them straight... There really isn't anything wrong with letting someone know up front that what they're asking is not their business and makes you uncomfortable when they continue to pry.

Bottom line, don't worry. There are people like this in every corner of our lives, but it's up to us how we choose to deal with them. Don't let things that don't matter affect you or your relationship. Just love.. and live.. share what you want to share and keep the rest to yourself.

Love & Light

GunzNRoses213 · February 2012

I had that as well .. Not that bad but yes when we finally got engaged I sent out the text messages and the facebook post and I got plenty of well wishers and most of them said "About time " ... And our determent was on financial reasons /job situations... You will still have people who are happy for you, at that point just smile and nod when they mention how long it's been etc.. I just laughed along with the people who said that .

mandi921vh · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-on-the-ring-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ac9a4f3-34c7-463e-8eb5-a3ae566b119dPost:f1ef333d-aba3-48ba-b2c9-e402ca2725a3">Re: Waiting on the ring ...VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just reply, "No, why do you ask?' "Why aren't you engaged yet?" "No, but since we are asking personal questions, how is your sex life?" "Are you pregnant yet?" Or other embarrassing comments back.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>HAHA I love this! But seriously, people need to mind their own business. Change the subject when they ask.</div>

firsttimersluck · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-on-the-ring-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ac9a4f3-34c7-463e-8eb5-a3ae566b119dPost:f1ef333d-aba3-48ba-b2c9-e402ca2725a3">Re: Waiting on the ring ...VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just reply, "No, why do you ask?' "Why aren't you engaged yet?" "No, but since we are asking personal questions, how is your sex life?" "Are you pregnant yet?" Or other embarrassing comments back.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>I vote for all of these.. At once. </div><div>
</div><div>You're being smart... Clearly that bothers some people. :P </div>

cwaggoner07 · February 2012

I got this a LOT too. Especially when my younger brother got married before me, and FI (then BF) had been together 3 years at that point. I love my brother and I didn't care that he got married first at all.... it was everyone else that seemed to have the problem.
One thing I took from it is that I am NEVER intrusive in someone else's life unless I am very close with them (IE my sister).
My mom's sister was never able to conceive, and people always asked her when they were going to start having kids and she always had to make something up, all while struggling with infertility. She is an AMAZING aunt, and I'm so sad when I think about people being intrusive and her having to hide the pain.

adktd2boots · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_waiting-on-the-ring-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0ac9a4f3-34c7-463e-8eb5-a3ae566b119dPost:bc340044-d4bd-4d90-8a88-e60d0717f445">Re: Waiting on the ring ...VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>It's unfortunate, but these questions will never stop. As soon as you do get engaged, then they'll ask invasive questions about the wedding. Then once you get married, they'll start to berate you about when you are having kids. Then when you have kids, they'll ask when the next one is coming.</strong> It sucks, but it's a part of life. I've found the best way to deal with it is sarcasm (similar to responses that redhead posted). It seriously works wonders because it lets people know how rude they are being without directly saying it. One of my favorites was "well we decided that we were going to push it back 3 months everytime someone asks us that question, so we're already a few years out at this point since people don't know how to mind their own business."
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

This. My mom told me the same thing for a long time with my ex. We were together for 6 years and people kept asking me. My mom said people will always ask, people are nosey.

With my FI, whenever people would ask me "when are you getting married?" I started pointing to FI or looking at him and saying "IDK, ask him!" It got a lot of people to shut up. I think a lot of it is people trying to make conversation.

Ichino · February 2012

I totally understand what you are going through! My bf and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and have been living together for 2. Everyone around us is married and having kids already so we keep getting the same questions and comments "When are you getting married?" Had my grandmother shove her ring in my face in a church, AT A FUNERAL, and rudely ask "Where's yours?". Lets just say I'm going to hell for the comments that came out after that! Recently went on vacation and the snarky comment that came out of a coworkers mouth when I returned to work put me over the edge "Oh what, he didn't propose while you were on vacation?" The most mortifying one was when by bf's pastor opened up his date book and asked what date we wanted at my bf's sisters wedding! So I know how you feel! I've started deverting questions to my bf as well, telling people to "ask him". We've talked about marriage and kids and making a life for US. But we're also in a spot that we can't financially get to do what we want. So we wait and we work, and we save. And one day! Hopefully before we're dead, we'll get married *lol* I have to keep telling myself after some dates and events that it'll happen when it happens. We're together and love each other and that's what matters. The same goes for you and your guy! Enjoy what you have together now. It just gets better with marriage!

gottadance64 · February 2012

I think rather than get snarky, be very polite and classy and just say with a smile, "Why do you ask?" This usually makes people realize they've overstepped their bounds when they have to come up with an answer.

Waiting on the ring ...VENT!

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