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Will they ever get along??

jessicahinesjessicahines
First Comment
in Moms and Maids

A few weekends ago I had my 7 bridesmaids (five are my sisters) and my mom and my FI's mom go with me to try on wedding dresses for the first time... the day was terrible. My mom and his mom don't get along. His mom insisted she knew what I liked and wanted to get and kept saying that I need to get a dress that day... I'm not getting married until May 2013 I'm just trying to figure out what style I like. It was terrible my mom felt like she couldn't say anything with out his mom saying something. I had previously told my mom that I would love to see her in a knee length sexy dress....WELLLLLL that caused issues because his mom said that they both have to wear the same thing and she wouldn't wear a short dress blah blah blah... Do they really have to match?? I think that would look silly... How can I make this get better, make them get along?? I also had an issue with his sisters making wedding plans without me...and his mom telling me I have to get all this stuff done when my wedding is over a year away. I want the color dark purple, she thinks its ugly..the list could go on forever..... I NEED HELP :( I want to enjoy my planning not dread every time I have to be with both familes...

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Re: Will they ever get along??

  • shadowkat08shadowkat08 member
    100 Comments
    First off, take a deep breath. You're right, the wedding is far off, you've got time.

    Second, who is paying for the wedding? If FI's parents are, then I'm afraid you're gonna need to have to compromise on some things. 

    But if they're not contributing (or you haven't discussed that yet), kindly tell FMIL that you appreciate her advice, but that's not what you were thinking about for y'all's wedding. And if that doesn't work, stop talking to her about the wedding.

    Oh, and the mothers don't have to match, but I believe some like to have the two coordinate with each other and/or the bridal party to make them stand out. 

    Good luck! 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Note to self - stop telling FMIL the details.  Next time you go dress shopping leave her home.  You don't have to invite her.

    Find an area of your wedding you can maybe give her control of - some thing small that you don't care about like the favors.  You can't just cut her out completely without doing some damage but you sure don't have to take her dress shopping again.


    I'm a MOB - the moms don't have to match or coordinate.  I hope your mom gets the sexy dress!


    If your FIL's are contributing to the cost of the wedding you need to figure out right now what strings are/aren't attached to that money.  Sometimes parents want a say in things if they are paying and sometimes they stay out of it.


    If she is helping to pay, your dress choice, your colors are not anything she gets a vote on unless she is directly paying for that.

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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    Your FI needs to step in here and tell HIS mother and sisters to back the hell off.  If he can't understand that they are ruining this experience for you (and your mother) then you have bigger problems.  Then, leave them out of any future dress shopping.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Each mom should choose a dress ( or even pants ) that suits her own style. They don't have to match or complement each other, the bridesmaids or the wedding decor.

    You don't have to consult your FMIL on the bm dresses or yours. She's not paying for them or wearing them.  I would recommend that you not invite the whole entourage on shopping trips.

    Unless your FMIL is helping with the cost of the wedding, you don't have to discuss the details with her. Just give her information on a 'needs to know' basis.


                       
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Your mom & FMIL don't have to get along.  Sometimes in life people just can't get along for a multitude of reasons.  Hopefully it will come to a point where they can be together in the same room and not try to compete with each other.

    You should stop sharing plans with your FMIL.  If she asks questions, just give her a generic "we haven't decided on anything yet" and then change the subject.  Eventually she will get the hint that you don't want to talk wedding with her.

    The next time you go dress shopping, take only the girls who's opinions you value most. 

    The mothers do not have to match.  Your mom should just buy the dress that she wants to wear.  If your FMIL will honestly want to wear the exact same thing as your mom, that sounds a bit crazy pants.  Just don't tell FMIL what your mom got.  The chances they get the exact same dress or color will be slim.

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  • firechick83firechick83 member
    100 Comments
    1) Sorry your trip was ruined by bad attitudes!  That is suppose to be a fun day for you!!
    2) Leave FI to tell his mother about the wedding plans..his family, his issue.  Like one PP said, if she gets pushy, give her a project.  Or you could just tell her thank you but we will ask for your help if we need it.
    3) Your mom & FMIL do not have to get along but they do need to be adult & civil (sounds more like a problem on your FMIL's part than your mom's) 
    4) The moms do NOT have to match!!  My mom is wearing a long navy dress & FMIL is wearing a very short/revealing platinum, almost white dress. 
      Good luck with the next year of planning!
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  • jessicahinesjessicahines
    First Comment
    Thanks for the feedback, I hope things start to get a little better!!
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