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I'm so frustrated- I can barely concentrate (please feel free to skip this post)

Arg...

I have a friend who has PPD (who has really actually probably battled depression for most or her life)- who is really stuggling. I'm friends with her H too...and he's SUPER defensive about the possbility of anti-depressants or "drugs", as he likes to call them. ::sigh::

It seems like he doesn't believe in depression, PPD...or the fact that it's chemical. He told me point blank, "My wife doesn't have a chemical imablances..." that it's just the stress of running a household. I told him that MANY new mothers are able to run a household without having suicidal thoughts. 

I absolutely think she needs to go to the doctor. What do you ladies think?

Also- do you know of other treatments for PPD that work well- other then "drugs?"

P.S. I freaking love my "drugs"- they have changed my life and I don't think there is any shame in taking them.

I'm so bummed and frustrated....and why is there such a stigma on "drugs"...they are life saving people...life saving. ::sigh:: If they don't LITERALLY save people's lives (which they do)- they certainly give people back a happy and functioning life.
 


Even one suicidal thought is enough... even one. Please love yourself to get help...or let us love you enough to get you help.


::sigh::

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Re: I'm so frustrated- I can barely concentrate (please feel free to skip this post)

  • What an a-hole. Ask him where he got his medical degree, if he knows so damn much about it.

    What does she think about getting help?
  • I'm so sad and frustrated that I'm in TEARS. I'm so scared for her. She depends on her H sooo much...to even make decisions for her (yes...I've been there- thank God Andrew believes in "drugs.")...but he's never been depressed...never been pregnant..never gone to MEDICAL SCHOOL.

    I've BEGGED her to consult someone else in her "community"...her parents, her priest, her friends.

    I'm feeling like this will drive a wedge between me and her H, because I feel VERY passionately about this topic. In fact- I had someone 5150'd in high school after he wrote me a suicide note.
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  • PPD is no effing joke.  I did not have it but DH and I talked about it extensively before I gave birth so that he would know the warning signs.  We'll be talking about it again shortly. 

    Has she talked to her OB about it?  That is what I would encourage her to do, WITHOUT her effing husband.  Her OB will point her in the right direction.  There could also be local support groups in her area.  

    Maybe try this resource:  http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx

    I will be thinking good thoughts for your friend. 
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  • I definitely believe that the body and brain can have chemical imbalances.  Sounds like your friend's Hubby is closed minded.  Your friend needs to get herself checked out and help.  Support her the best you can and gently remind her there is help if she wants it.  Ultimately the decision comes from her and if she wants to get help then support her when she stands up to her hubby to get it.  FI's mother refused to admit that she needed some medicine for her mood swings.  But she finally relented and went to her doctor and he prescribed her some pills. Now I haven't witnessed her mood swings and to me she has always been the nicest and sweetest person.  But from the stories that his siblings tell me that she needs them.  So after she started taking them everyone in this family are happier, especially FI's step dad.  FI's mom has always been a believer of holistic and natural medicines such as herbs.  Sometimes modern medicine is just needed. 
  • I hate people like that! It sets the rest of so far back! URGH!

    I'd maybe recommend her seeing a therapist for the ":stress" as he put it and then the therapist will help her deal with her thoughts and refer her either to her OBGYN or a Physiatrist to get the drugs she may need.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-frustrated-can-barely-concentrate-please-feel-skip-this-post?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:96cc0da7-5f79-44a7-b5d2-602347cdc106Post:96bdf084-6f6d-4df4-a582-94f8ff5a99ce">Re: I'm so frustrated- I can barely concentrate (please feel free to skip this post)</a>:
    [QUOTE]PPD is no effing joke.  I did not have it but DH and I talked about it extensively before I gave birth so that he would know the warning signs.  We'll be talking about it again shortly.  Has she talked to her OB about it?  That is what I would encourage her to do, WITHOUT her effing husband.  Her OB will point her in the right direction.  There could also be local support groups in her area.   Maybe try this resource:  <a href="http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx</a> I will be thinking good thoughts for your friend. 
    Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

    Mutley- this is a good idea. Thank you. They just moved- so she doesn't have a OB and they are uberly "crunchy"- but this made me think that maybe we can call local midwives and get advice...maybe they can point us to a good doctor.

    Thanks, Mutley. I know you and I have our differences, but I really appreciate this advice.
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  • And I'm really frustrated that I can't edit my OP so that it has paragraphs. Gr. What's the deal TK?
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  • If they are crunchy, I would suggest for her to also reach out to her local La Leche League.  I know that it is geared towards breastfeeding but it can be a great place for support.   

    I do think that if they recently moved, it will also be helpful for her to find local moms groups.  Local hospitals generally have new mom support groups and you don't have to have given birth there.  Ours is run by a crunchy lactation consultant. 

    It IS exceedingly overwhelming to have a new baby and if you add moving to a new area on top of that, it is almost like a perfect storm for a lack of support and feeling like you are all alone. 

    How many months post-partum is she?  When did they move? 

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  • Thanks, Mutley.

    They moved about two-three months ago- and she's about 5 months post-partum, but she's been depressed before. She keeps telling me she "dealt with it on her own" when she was younger...but I don't think anyone should try to handle it on their own- and she's not on her own anymore. She was a 21 month old and a 5 month old...

    and I guess a big issue is that...she's afraid she might be pregnant again.
    (They are super religious and don't believe in birth control- and the rhythm method isn't really working because she's post-partum.)

    I asked her if I could research for her.

    She's terrified of doctor's and "drugs"- if I was her H...I would go to the doctors alone until I found one that I thought my wife would tolerate, but I guess I just have very different opinions.

    I think that even if I came in and cleaned and cooked...and took care of her babies- I still think she would feel down. I think it's total PPD...

    And what's worse- is because she's battled depression in the past- I'm afraid she doesn't think she's good enough to get the best care possible. Does that make sense?

    I've tried to tell her that depending so heavily on her H isn't fair...I'm trying any reasoning for her to seek care outside of her H.
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  • I think that while medication can be helpful, it's not the only choice out there.

    I ditto CCO on finding a therapist. Even without medication, therapy can be helpful.


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  • Thanks, Desert-
    I've been calling some midwives and they have given me great leads on alternative supplements and they even found me a counselor that used to be a minister- which would be perfect for them!

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  • P.S. This thread is yet another reasons I love you ladies...Thank you SO much for the advice.
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  • Okay- Just to update you gals. I called 6 midwives in our area. I left messages with 4- and spoke with two (both named Dana..LOL).
    They had some awesome advice- and one of them has been to over 700 births!

    I'm really hoping that she'll speak to this midwife so that she can get the support she needs.

    Thanks for helping me come up with what to do!
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  • Success! She has an appointment with one of the Dana's on Monday!
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  • Lunar I don't have anything to contribute other than you are one awesome lady and friend! I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you on her side! Good karma coming your way :)


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  • lunar, you are a really great friend to do all this for her. I hope that when the fog of her depression lifts she realizes how lucky she is to have her. It's too bad her H sounds like an @ss...

    Some kind of therapy is probably her best bet right now, especially if she doesn't believe in "drugs." Perhaps the therapist can not only give her some kind of tools to help her get through the day but also may steer her to *some* kind of chemical fix as well.

    I'm really happy she has an appointment, that;s a great step in the right direction. 
    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • edited December 2011
    Lunar, you are such a wonderful friend and "patient" advocate! Your friend should be very thankful that she has SOMEONE in her life who cares. I have the same "passionate" views about depression, PPD, and the mix. I wish there was more education about PPD, especially for soon-to-be parents. When I first met FI he was kind of naive to the fact that depression is real, and it really bothered me. After explaining it all to him though, he definitely understands. I think there is just such a lack of education about depression in general..that some people think it is a made up thing. Sigh. Also, I'm guessing each state has different terms for involuntary admittance? Ours is 302.
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  • Lunar, I am constantly amazed at how kind, thoughtful, understanding, and caring you are. Your friend it truly lucky to have you as a friend. I am so glad to see that she is going to speak to one of the midwives. Hopefully that will be the first step in getting the help she needs.
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