Bachelor Party vent...

manda311 · April 2010

As the day is getting closer so is the bachelor party. At first I was against any form of strippers, but his best man talked me into letting them go to an actual strip club(I said no to hiring any private strippers- I know how those can end up). But now that the day is getting closer, I can't make myself feel comfortable with any type of strippers. It's not becuz I don't trust FI, it's just that I don't think it's okay to go out 2 weeks before the wedding and have naked women rubbing all over FI. I guess I let is slip my mind until now, and now it's all that I can think about. I just really don't like the idea and I think it's only going to cause problems. I've already expressed this to the best man, but he is trying to convince me that I am just overthinking and overreacting. So, how have you ladies dealt with this issue???

ToBeMrs.O2011 · April 2010

What does your FI want? Can you talk to him about your feelings regarding strippers then maybe he will tell the best man that he'd rather do something else? I'm sure FI wouldn't want you upset and stressing over this! I would talk to him about it.

manda311 · April 2010

I have talked to him about it, he tells me that he wishes I wouldn't worry about it. That it's "normal" for people to go to strip clubs for bachelor parties and that he's been to a few and the worst that happens is a lap dance. That he doesn't frequent strip clubs, it's just for this one night, etc. Basically all things that should make me feel better, and for the moment they do, but then I start getting into thinking about it deeper and I feel uncomfortable about it all over again. Yeah, a lap dance may be the worst thing to happen but they are still nude and are still about a stange naked woman rubbing her naked body all over him =/ I just don't see how I should ever feel okay with that???

CraziStarr · April 2010

Kudos on barring a private stripper. I would be very uncomforttable with that too!

For some reason, I wouldn't be all that worried about a strip club. My FI has only been to one in his life, and he has expressed several times that they just don't do anything for him. If they end up at a strip club next month for his bachelor party (which they probably will), it would be more funny than anything.

I agree with PP, talk with your FI and see his thoughts on it. Has he been to many before, does he see it as a major turn-on? Are his friends the type to peer pressure him or just have a good ol' time? I guess it's a case by case basis - you'll have to feel it out.

CraziStarr · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_bachelor-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:66b0830a-9d22-414c-bd9a-c9684f71f0fdPost:7efae75a-fbc4-4af3-b248-1739290c4473">Re: Bachelor Party vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have talked to him about it, he tells me that he wishes I wouldn't worry about it. That it's "normal" for people to go to strip clubs for bachelor parties and that he's been to a few and the worst that happens is a lap dance. That he doesn't frequent strip clubs, it's just for this one night, etc. Basically all things that should make me feel better, and for the moment they do, but then I start getting into thinking about it deeper and I feel uncomfortable about it all over again. Yeah, a lap dance may be the worst thing to happen but they are still nude and are still about a stange naked woman rubbing her naked body all over him =/ I just don't see how I should ever feel okay with that???
Posted by manda311[/QUOTE]

I must have been typing as you were posting. You answered a lot of the questions I posed to you. If you are strongly and truly against this, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your FI. I'm afraid the best man isn't going to be much help. Maybe you can come up with some sort of compromise :/ Sort of a sticky situation, sorry you are so upset about this.

JenJune3 · April 2010

I am with you on this! I'm totally against it! FI isn't even having a bachelor party because he doesn't want me to have a bachelorette party! But, if FI were to have a bachelor party I would definitely say no to a strip club! I agree that if you are getting married then why do you need one last night to see other naked women? Also I have heard very bad stories from my FI about things that went on with some of his friends at strip clubs and the things he has told me are definitely, in my book, cheating!

akhunter1 · April 2010

It makes me uncomfortable thinking about it too! My FI is going to be the first of his friends to get married, so I know they are going to want to go crazy at a strip club. He already knows how I feel about the topic. I think it is disrespectful for him to want to be put in the position that a mostly naked TRASHY chick could be all over my man. (Honestly even thinking about it right now is making me angry). Like people said just talk to him about it let him know your concerns and that its not that you don't want him having a good time but strippers make you uneasy.

gabi829 · April 2010

I'm sorry you're stressed!

If he wants to go, unfortunatley, you just have to let him. If anything, strip club bachelor parties are more humiliating for the bachelor than anything else. I think it's a bit silly.

manda311 · April 2010

Thanks girls. It really makes me feel better to talk to people who have been through this or are going through this too.

I guess I just think that if I X the strip club idea, his friends will give him a really hard time & maybe even will try to go behind his back and mine and order him a stripper anyway. Or take him to the club anyway. If they are getting a limo for the night and they take him there, what is he supposed to do? I have so many different scenarios running through my head. A couple of his friends are single and not really people I am that fond of. They are going to a baseball game first, but the strip club was to end the night. Would it be ridiculous to ask if they can just do the game only?

gabi829 · April 2010

I really think that you can't ask his friends; it makes you look bad. It's going to turn into a his friends vs. you thing, and you don't want that. Your feelings are perfectly justified, but they won't see it that way.

The only person you can ask is your fi. If you explain that it really, really, really bothers you, then he should respect your wishes and not go. If he's immature enough to give in later because his friends are giving him a hard time, that should raise a red flag.

nubiannqween · April 2010

That’s rough. I don’t like it either, but I don’t know what I’d say if Kevin wanted to see strippers for his bach party. I guess I’m lucky because Kevin isn’t into that, so I would hope his friends would not try to take him to a club when that’s not really what he wants to do…but if he did want to go, I think we’d have to have a “come to Jesus” meeting. What I mean by that is we’d have to sit down and talk about what will and won’t happen during this excursion to see strippers. Then I’d have to suck it up and trust that he’d stick to the agreement. I mean, in my opinion, I feel that if I can’t trust him not to do something he’d regret…we probably shouldn’t get married.

End the end, if he knows you don’t like it and it makes you uncomfortable, hopefully, he will consider your feelings and not go. Last but not least, don’t let your mind run wild with thinking about what “could” happen…just don’t let yourself go there. Because believe me, our imaginations can run away with us, and make things worse than they really are.

MrsLukePayne · April 2010

I may be the exception to this rule. I don't mind my FI having a little fun at the X club once in a while. In fact, I called him last week when I was getting off work and he was at one for bike week with some co-workers. I personally don't like strippers rubbing on me but to each their own.

But I also know FI's not going because he's into lap dances. He goes to hang out with the guys and be guys.

X clubs are rather silly really. Have you ever been? They're harmless. As the person mentioned above me, if you're strongly against it, it may turn into a friends vs. you thing and right before the wedding, let it fly and know you're the one who's going to end up with him. If you trust and let your FI know you trust him and love him, he'll be thinking about you the whole time anyways.

JenJune3 · April 2010

Gabi has a good point! They are really humiliating for the bachelors... beating them with their belts and what not!

*tinkertoy* · April 2010

I would not be comfortable either...sometimes I think the bachelor parties are more for the friends than the groom, you know?

Talk to him, it's all you can do.

suzannepdc · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_bachelor-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:66b0830a-9d22-414c-bd9a-c9684f71f0fdPost:aac826db-b26e-4163-9d77-30e498db4273">Re: Bachelor Party vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]I may be the exception to this rule. I don't mind my FI having a little fun at the X club once in a while. In fact, I called him last week when I was getting off work and he was at one for bike week with some co-workers. I personally don't like strippers rubbing on me but to each their own. But I also know FI's not going because he's into lap dances. He goes to hang out with the guys and be guys. X clubs are rather silly really. Have you ever been? They're harmless. As the person mentioned above me, if you're strongly against it, it may turn into a friends vs. you thing and right before the wedding, let it fly and know you're the one who's going to end up with him. If you trust and let your FI know you trust him and love him, he'll be thinking about you the whole time anyways.
Posted by MrsLukePayne[/QUOTE]

This. 100%. I honestly don't see it as a big deal and as tinkertoy said, it's usually for the friends anyway.

FutureMrs.McC · April 2010

[QUOTE]I may be the exception to this rule. I don't mind my FI having a little fun at the X club once in a while. In fact, I called him last week when I was getting off work and he was at one for bike week with some co-workers. I personally don't like strippers rubbing on me but to each their own. But I also know FI's not going because he's into lap dances. He goes to hang out with the guys and be guys. X clubs are rather silly really. Have you ever been? They're harmless. As the person mentioned above me, if you're strongly against it, it may turn into a friends vs. you thing and right before the wedding, let it fly and know you're the one who's going to end up with him. If you trust and let your FI know you trust him and love him, he'll be thinking about you the whole time anyways.
Posted by MrsLukePayne

In Response to Re: Bachelor Party vent... : This. 100%. I honestly don't see it as a big deal and as tinkertoy said, it's usually for the friends anyway.
Posted by suzannepdc[/QUOTE]

This for me too. I really wouldn't worry about it. Maybe you should go and check it out so you understand what goes on. To me, it's funny and kind of gross. Personally, I have no problem with DH going to a strip club every now and then. Sometimes, I go too. It's not really my favorite place but if everyone else is going, I'm down. Now if he started going for lunch on Tuesday afternoons, we would have a problem. Plus I would not let him dictate what I did for my bparty.

hibiscus118 · April 2010

Me and FI were just talking about this a couple weeks ago. FI has 2 best men, his brother and my brother. His brother is single and parties all the time. I have a feeling he'll want to hire a stripper to come to his house. I told FI my feelings on it that I was not at all comfortable with this. I told him I would rather them go to a strip club since I already know they're gonna do one or the other. I guess in my mind its a little more controlled and less can go wrong there. I would be much happier if they just rented a limo and went to different bars all night. I think I'm going to talk to my brother about it and tell him my feelings on it so he knows and can also be my extra eye.

sarlah · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_bachelor-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:66b0830a-9d22-414c-bd9a-c9684f71f0fdPost:89074c80-10c1-4836-8db1-9b95cecd102e">Re: Bachelor Party vent...</a>:
[QUOTE] Plus I would not let him dictate what I did for my bparty.
Posted by FutureMrs.McC[/QUOTE]

This is basically how I feel. My husband & I did completely different things for our BP's. He wanted to go to CO to visit his best friend, drink beer, & go shooting (not at the same time <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />) I had a girls weekend in Palm Springs. I didn't tell him what he could do, & he didn't tell me what I could do. We both trust each other & know each other well enough to not worry. His best friend even tried to kind of "taunt" me by saying they were going to a strip club & told them to have fun. They didn't even go. <strong>The ONLY time I put my foot down & said they couldn't go to a strip club was when we were in Cancun.</strong> The night before the wedding his BM wanted to take him out for a night out with the guys & said they wanted to go to a strip club there... I was totally against that because I had no idea what the deal was with those clubs in MX. I wasn't worried about what my husband would do there, I was worried about what could happen in another country with them being tourists.

I don't really have a problem with strip clubs, I've been to them & had fun with everyone else. It's not my favorite thing, and like Jenni said - if he were to start going once a week for their lunch buffets I would take issue with that quickly.

Don't let your imagination run wild. I know all women have insecurities & that's not your fault. Just remember that right now your imagination could be your own worst enemy. There's a reason you guys are getting married, you love each other & respect one another. Tell him how you feel about it, but then you need to let him do his own thing for his BP. It really is more for the friends than the groom.

FutureMrs.McC · April 2010

Just one more thing. It is unreasonable for you to ask they only go to the baseball game. Think about how this would make you feel. Say, you decide to go to the spa for your bparty and then out for drinks. Would you be ok with your FI telling you to only go to the spa? I would certainly hope not.

caymans_christy · April 2010

I agree with Jenni. If my FI told me I couldn't do something, we would not be getting married. Telling his friends what they should do for the party that they are hosting is also not right. I just don't understand what you think is going to happen at a strip club... in my experience more crap can and does go down at a bar than a strip club. Around here, guys can't touch... but theycertainly can an do at bars...

Kahtie41 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_bachelor-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:66b0830a-9d22-414c-bd9a-c9684f71f0fdPost:aac826db-b26e-4163-9d77-30e498db4273">Re: Bachelor Party vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]I may be the exception to this rule. I don't mind my FI having a little fun at the X club once in a while. In fact, I called him last week when I was getting off work and he was at one for bike week with some co-workers. I personally don't like strippers rubbing on me but to each their own. But I also know FI's not going because he's into lap dances. He goes to hang out with the guys and be guys. X clubs are rather silly really. Have you ever been? They're harmless. As the person mentioned above me, if you're strongly against it, it may turn into a friends vs. you thing and right before the wedding, let it fly and know you're the one who's going to end up with him. If you trust and let your FI know you trust him and love him, he'll be thinking about you the whole time anyways.
Posted by MrsLukePayne[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This for me too. DH used to go a lot with his friends, but it mostly tapered off before we met. I've actually been a couple of times with DH and a group of friends, and it's really funny, and yeah, kinda gross at times, but mostly I just found the situation hilarious. Like someone else said, they tease the bachelor a lot, and the friends seem to have more fun anyway.</div><div>
</div><div>I do understand the lap dance thing though. If this is still on the table for him, maybe you could do a little investigating into the strip club they plan on visiting. I know some of them make the guys sit on their hands while the girl is doing the lap dance. You could also tell your FI that policy or no, he sits on his hands and doesn't get the lap dance in a VIP room. </div><div>
</div><div>Just remember, you wouldn't be marrying him if you didn't trust him. He's coming home to YOU, and as his wife, you'll be able to turn him on way more than some gross, sweaty, cigarette smoke saturated stripper. :)

</div>

bean0408 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_bachelor-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:66b0830a-9d22-414c-bd9a-c9684f71f0fdPost:aac826db-b26e-4163-9d77-30e498db4273">Re: Bachelor Party vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]I may be the exception to this rule. I don't mind my FI having a little fun at the X club once in a while. In fact, I called him last week when I was getting off work and he was at one for bike week with some co-workers. I personally don't like strippers rubbing on me but to each their own. But I also know FI's not going because he's into lap dances. He goes to hang out with the guys and be guys. X clubs are rather silly really. Have you ever been? They're harmless. As the person mentioned above me, if you're strongly against it, it may turn into a friends vs. you thing and right before the wedding, let it fly and know you're the one who's going to end up with him. If you trust and let your FI know you trust him and love him, he'll be thinking about you the whole time anyways.
Posted by MrsLukePayne[/QUOTE]

I also ditto this also. I grew up with guys and have been in my share of strip clubs with them. I found they can be fun in a group, but silly and harmless. Also pp is correct, it is a humiliation session for the bachelor.

LolaPizzy · April 2010

This is a toughie. I agree with the others that you should let him do what his friends are planning and don't stress about it. Know that at the end of the night, he will be coming home to you. You love and trust him and that's why you are marrying him! I've been to strip clubs as well and they are really more amusing than anything. I think it is a good idea for the bach. and bach.ette parties to take place on the same night so you are focusing on yourself and having fun, not wondering what he is doing. It is only one night, and if you are at all concerned about it going too far, in my opinion, a man that crosses the line with a stripper will cross the line elsewhere in life. Obviously you aren't worried about his faithfulness and judgment since you are marrying him, so why worry now?

drm6285 · April 2010

I also wouldn't mind if FI went to a Xclub for his b-party. It's all in good fun and I agree he will be humiliated most of the time by his friends anyways. Just remember you're #1 and you wouldn't be marrying him if you didn't trust that completley.

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