venue change = food change and ticked off FI...what a mess!

enchantedonyx · April 2012

I just need to vent, mostly, because I know it will all work out.

We orginally planned to hold our ceremony at a small park and have the reception in my parent's backyard, with his dad and stepmom doing the food (only thing fiance was really into was them catering for us).

Well, a month ago, my dad had to have SIX bypasses, so he's still recovering from open heart surgery (he's doing well, actually). We decided that week that we would move our reception to the backup venue at a local college. It's beautiful, inexpensive, and took all the stress of landscaping and preparing their house off of my parents. Everyone (including fiance and his family) was happy with this decision. We knew a few days later that they might make us use their caterer instead of doing the food ourselves. Despite the added expense, I was okay with it but fiance was unhappy.

FI's stepmom has terminal cancer and although she looks well, she is not at all. just traveling and participating in the wedding is going to be really hard for her and I was worried about the additional stress of doing the food and that it might make her even sicker. I don't think FI always realizes how sick she is and how this might impact her health.

So...today we find out definitely- we have to use the college's caterer. It'll stretch our budget but we can swing it (I offered to give up my ipad wedding gift to help cover the costs). I've already been on their website and looked at their menu and I'm certain we can be pleased with the food (they can do the same stuff his parents were going to do) and they are happy to work with us to keep our costs down and get what we want.

I'm happy, mom is happy, I think his parents will be relieved (my mom is talking to them now). FI is furious. He's demanding we change our reception venue. We CAN"T change again! We've already paid for the venue and signed a contract and honestly, I'm in LOVE with our venue. It's beyond gorgeous. and our wedding is in 31 days. everyone is invited and it's all settled.

I'm sure we'll work it all out but honestly, I don't even want to go home after work tonight because I don't want to fight with FI about it. We never fight. ever. except about wedding food details.

Can't we just serve them cake and be done with it? I'm so tired of fighting about the stupid food and it's giving me a migraine...

littleshrink · April 2012

I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now. Sounds to me like your FI and you are both just tired and stressed out not only with wedding issues, but also family/health issues. Completely understandable. I think the campus sounds like a brilliant idea and I would be 100% supportive of you. It takes all the stress off your in-laws and lets them also enjoy the wedding and preparations. Also the stress for your parents and having to "spruce up" their house for the reception. I think it is the best plan for you guys.
I think your arguing over the food stuff is typical of bride/grooms this close to the wedding. I bet your FI will calm down once he sees how great this will works out for EVERYONE in your families.

enchantedonyx · April 2012

Thank you for responding. I just heard from my mom (who is amazing) and she called FI's mom and stepmom to tell them what was going on. They are both happy about the decision and stepmom said she'd have FFIL call FI and talk to him about what a good decision this is.

I'll pick up some of his favorite beer (which he never buys for himself- we aren't big drinkers) on my way home and see if we can't look at the catering menu and get stuff sorted out.

I just want everyone to be happy and to enjoy our wedding day as much as possible. We are so lucky that we've found each other and make each other happy and have NO family drama (other than individual health issues).

I'm definitely reaching the point where as much as I'm looking forward to it and I'm counting the days to the wedding, I'm also counting the days until it's over and we're relaxing on the beach!

COSmitty · April 2012

He might just be mad to be mad because he has to pick something and there is no way he could admit to being mad at a person in this situation. When so much is going on sometimes it's just that last little thing you relied on that you stubbornly cling to despite logic, reason, or the fact that in the long run the change is fine.

Let him be mad for 10 minutes and ask him why. Let him vent and sympathize... and then bring some logic into it and continue on the course you have outlined which takes into account the reality of where everyone is in life. Good luck- you are on the right path.

mandi921vh · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_venue-change-food-change-and-ticked-off-fiwhat-a-mess?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:82c2159b-2467-4df1-8656-605a21d253adPost:d53598d0-a9f4-4ff2-bad5-c40d0f70827f">Re: venue change = food change and ticked off FI...what a mess!</a>:
[QUOTE]He might just be mad to be mad because he has to pick something and there is no way he could admit to being mad at a person in this situation. When so much is going on sometimes it's just that last little thing you relied on that you stubbornly cling to despite logic, reason, or the fact that in the long run the change is fine. Let him be mad for 10 minutes and ask him why. <strong>Let him vent and sympathize... and then bring some logic into it and continue on the course you have outlined which takes into account the reality of where everyone is in life. Good luck- you are on the right path.</strong>
Posted by COSmitty[/QUOTE]

<div>This!</div>

enchantedonyx · April 2012

thanks guys.

he just went to bed with a "no, I'm not in the mood for sex. yes, I'm still a little mad but not that much. yes, I'll get over it and it'll all be fine"

he is refusing to do any more planning (which is fine) and he says he's not eating at the wedding, to which I just shrugged and said, "okay, you'll be hungry..."

comeongetdown · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_venue-change-food-change-and-ticked-off-fiwhat-a-mess?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:82c2159b-2467-4df1-8656-605a21d253adPost:d50551e6-f7ec-4624-91f7-0dd0e77becf1">Re: venue change = food change and ticked off FI...what a mess!</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks guys. he just went to bed with a "no, I'm not in the mood for sex. yes, I'm still a little mad but not that much. yes, I'll get over it and it'll all be fine" he is refusing to do any more planning (which is fine) <strong>and he says he's not eating at the wedding, to which I just shrugged and said, "okay, you'll be hungry..."
</strong>Posted by enchantedonyx[/QUOTE]

hahaha

i think you're doing the best thing for everyone involved. your FI will get over it in a day or so, and your wedding will be gorgeous :)

venue change = food change and ticked off FI...what a mess!

Re: venue change = food change and ticked off FI...what a mess!

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