Interesting Situation

MsSWalsh713 · February 2013

I'm having a very interesting wedding, and I seem to be having trouble finding the correct wording to use for the invitations.

See, my husband and I are already married. We eloped last July on a beach in Mexico. The wedding itself was just a civil ceremony. After we had found out that we were expecting a baby in December, we pushed up our wedding date so that we were married before the big arrival. Now, this year on our first anniversary we are having a traditional church blessing ceremony along with a reception for our family and friends. I wouldn't consider this a vow renewal since we are planning a more traditional "wedding" with the bridesmaids, groomsmen, gown, flowers, etc. but I also wouldn't consider it a traditional wedding either. I am so confused! Help!!

Thanks, Sara

itzMS · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:27c2d986-3812-488a-b097-b1d2112217f8">Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a very interesting wedding, and I seem to be having trouble finding the correct wording to use for the invitations. See, my husband and I are already married. We eloped last July on a beach in Mexico. The wedding itself was just a civil ceremony. After we had found out that we were expecting a baby in December, we pushed up our wedding date so that we were married before the big arrival. Now, this year on our first anniversary we are having a traditional church blessing ceremony along with a reception for our family and friends. I<strong> wouldn't consider this a vow renewal since we are planning a more traditional "wedding" with the bridesmaids, groomsmen, gown</strong>, flowers, etc. but I also wouldn't consider it a traditional wedding either. I am so confused! Help!! Thanks, Sara
Posted by MsSWalsh713[/QUOTE]

You are already married, so having these things is very very AW'ish and inappropriate. Have a party following your church blessing, but it is not a wedding.

<div align="left">
Mr and Mrs Alreadymarried

Request the honour of your presence
at the blessing of their marriage
Saturday, the sixteenth of February
Two thousand and thirteen
at 11 O'clock

XYZ Church
Anytown, USA

Reception to follow

If it is a Catholic church, you would use the wording "at their convalidation ceremony"</div>

SlothGoals · February 2013

I would go ahead with the blessing and party afterwards but this is not a wedding. You are already married.

You made the adult decision to get married before the birth of your child and with that choice comes the forfeiture of certain things at your celebration. This means no big white dress, no bridal party (you are not a bride, you're a married woman), etc.

itzMS gave you excellent advice and invitation wording to use. There are many women on these boards who had a civil ceremony and would be insulted that you don't consider that a wedding. There are people on these boards who are not afforded the luxury of even a civil ceremony that would also be insulted that you don't consider your wedding "real".

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:82bca4c7-33b8-419f-baa6-92f7f1a14d2b">Re: Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]There are many women on these boards who had a civil ceremony and would be insulted that you don't consider that a wedding. There are people on these boards who are not afforded the luxury of even a civil ceremony that would also be insulted that you don't consider your wedding "real".
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. To say that wedding was "just" a civil ceremony is insulting. There are people out there who would give up their pretty princess day any day of the week to be able to "just" have a civil ceremony. Please be careful how you phrase things.

</div>

Peavy · February 2013

Of course it's a vow renewal, which I find rather silly after just one year. You're already married, so what else could it be? If you really feel you need a church blessing, I think it's more appropriate done privately. As PPs have said, big white dress, wedding party, showers, etc are all inappropriate. itzMS has the correct wording for your invitation.

beardownbchs · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:ad316bd7-5909-4710-88ff-e4b549be2083">Re: Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this a Catholic convalidation, or a religious ceremony? Or is it a simple vow renewal. It is NOT a wedding, since you are already married. If it is any of the above, you should not wear a big white wedding dress or have any bridesmaids or groomsmen. Those are for weddings. This is not a wedding. Here is a great site for vow renewal etiquette: <a href="http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html</a> If you insist on having the big white dress and bridesmaids, you are not having a proper vow renewal - you are having a PPD (Pretty Princess Day) which is totally selfish and rude. It also disrespects you real wedding day, as if that weren't enough. You will be criticized by many people for doing this. Don't misunderstand me. It is OK for you to have a party to celebrate your marriage. It can be as fancy as you like. You can have dinner, open bar, toasting (but not, "To the bride and groom"), dancing (not a "first dance"), and have a wonderful time with your friends and family. You could call it an anniversary party, and incorporate a religious blessing into it. If you parade around in a white bridal gown, you will look really foolish, though. Since you asked, here would be a good wording for an invitation: Mr. and Mrs. John Already Married request the pleasure of your company as they reaffirm their marriage vows Date time Venue City, State If you are having a convalidation in the Catholic Church, it might be this: Mr. and Mrs. John Already Married request the honour of your presence at their convalidation ceremony (etc.) Most priests will not allow a big re-do wedding as a convalidation. These ceremonies are usually limited to close family members, and are not large celebrations.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Can we make this post a sticky? It's perfect.

</div>

Kristin789 · February 2013

>>since we are planning a more traditional "wedding" with the bridesmaids, groomsmen, gown, flowers, etc.

Stop this plan immediately. Get new plan.

MyNameIsNot · February 2013

This is not a wedding. A wedding is where you get married. Since you are already married, pretending that this event will be a wedding is nothing short of delusional.

This is either a church blessing of your recent marriage or a vow renewal. (Or a convalidation if you are catholic, but you would have already known that.) Bridesmaids, big white dresses, and all the other things you talk about are completely inappropriate at vow renewals and church blessings. You need to rethink your plans now, before you make a fool of yourself.

You are a grown adult with a child no less. Part of being an adult is realizing that life doesn't always work out the way you plan, and that decisions come with consequences. Deciding to get married before the baby means that you gave up the traditional church wedding. You are an adult and a parent. Behave like one.

Adults don't go around pretending and having do over events.

Sassenach1743 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:27c2d986-3812-488a-b097-b1d2112217f8">Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a very interesting wedding, and I seem to be having trouble finding the correct wording to use for the invitations. See, my husband and I are already married. <strong>We eloped last July on a beach in Mexico. The wedding itself was just a civil ceremony.</strong> After we had found out that we were expecting a baby in December, we pushed up our wedding date so that we were married before the big arrival. Now, this year on our first anniversary we are having a traditional church blessing ceremony along with a reception for our family and friends. I wouldn't consider this a vow renewal since we are planning a more traditional "wedding" with the bridesmaids, groomsmen, gown, flowers, etc. but I also wouldn't consider it a traditional wedding either. I am so confused! Help!! Thanks, Sara
Posted by MsSWalsh713[/QUOTE]

<div>That sounds like a great wedding to me! Not only did you get to elope but you were on a beach in Mexico??? Wow, must have been rough! </div><div>
</div><div>Let's see, You + Loving Husband exchanging vows on the beach and becoming a family in the presence of God (because God is everywhere, even if it was a civil ceremony and not in a church, do you really think God missed that moment??)</div><div>
</div><div>It's too bad that wasn't enough to satisfy you. </div>

jrwisniewski · February 2013

Wow, why are people so judgmental now a days? I am pretty sure she wasnt asking for anyones opinions on the plans for the "blessing" of her marriage. If she wants to wear a white gown and have bridesmaids and groomsmen, then there is nothing wrong with that.

At least the first comment gave her a little insight into the question she was asking. I think the above wording for the invitation is perfect.

Please dont let anyone scare you away from the wedding that you want!

MsSWalsh713 · February 2013

Thank you very much for being kind! I had already asked the girls to be bridesmaids and had deposits on their dresses I already had my gown for a few years now! before we knew we were expecting! The only reason we pushed it up and did the civil ceremony was because I am a teacher and my husband is a vice principal.. Both jrsr high school level and we wanted to make sure we were setting the appropriate example for the kids. Coming from a small town we didn't want to be "immoral" in the eyes of the public. I don't think we will be looked at as fools whatsoever since both of our families are very excited to be part of it! Some women are very opinionated I guess!! Thanks again!!

beardownbchs · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:274236cf-f25e-4e3c-9d9c-9889bf99ea5f">Re:Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you very much for being kind! I had already asked the girls to be bridesmaids and had deposits on their dresses I already had my gown for a few years now! before we knew we were expecting! The only reason we pushed it up and did the civil ceremony was because I am a teacher and my husband is a vice principal.. Both jrsr high school level and we wanted to make sure we were setting the appropriate example for the kids. Coming from a small town we didn't want to be "immoral" in the eyes of the public.<strong> I don't think we will be looked at as fools whatsoever </strong>since both of our families are very excited to be part of it! Some women are very opinionated I guess!! Thanks again!!
Posted by MsSWalsh713[/QUOTE]

<div>Even if other people don't look at you as a fool (which trust me, they will. Some of my best friends have done this and I pretended to be excited and rolled the hell out of my eyes at them later), you seriously, honestly wouldn't feel ridiculous wearing a wedding dress? Think about it. You. are. not. a. bride. You are a wife. BRIDESmaids are part of the BRIDAL party for the BRIDE. You, again, are not a bride. </div><div>
</div><div>You can and should have a lovely party in celebration of your marriage, but I don't understand how one can think it's okay to pretend that it's a wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>Think of this as a different occasion in your life. Graduation, for example. My family could not afford to throw me a party when I graduated high school. So I didn't have one. You honestly wouldn't find it odd if you were invited to my graduation party now? Would you look at me funny for wearing the cap and gown? I would hope so!</div><div>
</div><div> I'm having a destination wedding with a party at home to celebrate and my mom mentioned having to buy two dresses. I thought, "No effing way! I'm not wearing a wedding dress after I am already a wife - I will look and feel like a giant ass!". I've never had big boobs and sometimes I think it might be fun to have them. Should I stuff my bra? </div><div>
</div><div>Your reasons for getting married are fine and I think you should leave it at that. Having a pretty princess day now will only show your kids that they don't have to live with the effects of their actions and that they are entitied to do whatever the hell they want. I don't understand how you were so worried that people would think negatively of you before, but don't care about what they think now. I think people will judge you waaaay more for having a pretend wedding than having a baby outside of marriage. </div>

NYCMercedes · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:b6d1e40c-12b4-4a49-b1e1-f8d1f026fef5">Re: Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, why are people so judgmental now a days? I am pretty sure she wasnt asking for anyones opinions on the plans for the "blessing" of her marriage. If she wants to wear a white gown and have bridesmaids and groomsmen, then there is nothing wrong with that. At least the first comment gave her a little insight into the question she was asking. I think the above wording for the invitation is perfect. Please dont let anyone scare you away from the wedding that you want!
Posted by jrwisniewski[/QUOTE]

She had the wedding she wanted. smh

jrwisniewski · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:274236cf-f25e-4e3c-9d9c-9889bf99ea5f">Re:Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you very much for being kind! I had already asked the girls to be bridesmaids and had deposits on their dresses I already had my gown for a few years now! before we knew we were expecting! The only reason we pushed it up and did the civil ceremony was because I am a teacher and my husband is a vice principal.. Both jrsr high school level and we wanted to make sure we were setting the appropriate example for the kids. Coming from a small town we didn't want to be "immoral" in the eyes of the public. I don't think we will be looked at as fools whatsoever since both of our families are very excited to be part of it! Some women are very opinionated I guess!! Thanks again!!
Posted by MsSWalsh713[/QUOTE]

You're welcome!! Congratulation on your marriage and I hope you have a wonderful celebration with supportive family and friends!

jrwisniewski · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:2889075b-7620-48ba-be9d-c7abcb7a3393">Re: Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Interesting Situation : She had the wedding she wanted. smh
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

Why?? Because YOU say so.

Sierra524 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_interesting-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9d92181d-5f79-4090-821a-bdf47da55675Post:bd6e5e85-ecc6-4ac8-9922-8233c03eb0ee">Re: Interesting Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Interesting Situation : Why?? Because YOU say so.
Posted by jrwisniewski[/QUOTE]

Im pretty sure her marriage license says so. She made the decision to get married on the beach in Mexico a year ago. If she wanted to have a more traditional wedding, she should have done so then. What she is planning is not a wedding. Its a PPD. Shes already married. You cant have a wedding when you're already married.

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