Ugh! I think I hate my bm! Kinda long

quiggels219 · February 2012

so I wrote last week about my bm and my wallet - I left it at her apartment when I was in town for my bachelorette party almost 3 weeks ago now and didn't realize until I was at te airport - luckily I had a passport on me. Well I was complaining because it had been 2 weeks and she said she was "too busy" to make it to the post office - mind you she had posted fb pics of palm trees and status messages about clubbing in sobe. So the last I heard from her was Saturday. Saturday I sent her 4 messages, all of which were ignored, then the fifth said ok my moms in the car headed to your apt to get it - if your not home she's gonna wait in te cafe in your building. Immediatly she responds - I sent it yesterday. When I said great can I have tracking info she said "unpacking groceries ttyl". Um ok - I proceeded to call and text Sunday (which was my birthday and she ignored it ps) and she never answered and everyday since. Finally last night at 7 I got a text I'm busy at work ttyl - um ok I've been messaging daily since Saturday and I know she had Monday off. So all the package deliveries have come today and nothing - so I called her and got vm - fine she won't call back she hasn't returned a call in 3 weeks - so I just sent a pretty aggressive email - but god at this point I'm so angry Im wondering if she has always been this selfish and ive somehow missed it! I know maybe I'm being dramatic but I'm so upset at how she's acting and that I hve had no credit cards or debit cards or health insurance info in 3 weeks! Ah what would you guys do? Do you think she lost it? Lied about sending it cause she didn't want my mom waiting for her? Thanks ladies I know this was long.

AMYM312 · February 2012

To be honest... she probably stole whatever cash you had and "mailed" it but never did. She is going to use the excuse that it got lost in the mail because I highly doubt it will ever show up. Has she always been this wishy washy? You have every right to be upset. If the shoe was on the other foot she would be freaking out. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I would wait give it a couple more days to show up in the mail and then its time to start cancelling the cards.

mrsmustard12 · February 2012

Wow that is not a friend at all! If I were you I would have gotten fed up by now and ordered new credit cards! I definitely don't think you are overreacting by sending angry emails.

quiggels219 · February 2012

I mean she's always been the type that's late to things or looses things but not the type that lies or just ignores me. The ignoring makes it much more aggravating and makes me think something happened.

PhiSigFly · February 2012

So, I'm thinking an angry e-mail is just going to get an angry/defensive response, so probably not the best move... But at the same time, this is kinda insane. I don't understand how she doesn't understand that you're missing some really important things. I can't imagine not having a credit card, debit card, or my driver's license.

I bet she lost it...

FaithCaitlin · February 2012

Sounds like something fishy is going on....

I don't blame you for writing the email but it probably wasn't the best route to take, lol. At this point, don't worry about her and do whatever it takes to get your wallet back!

PS. this may be extreme but have you checked your bank accounts? Any money missing?

orianita3 · February 2012

I agree that there is something fishy going on BUT....

From the point of view of a bride that work and personal stuff happens to be driving her crazy just when the wedding is coming......the world does not revolve around our wedding, nor does it care.....everyone is going to go about their business and won't care that you (yeiii!) are getting married in a month. Besides, you were the one that forgot the wallet there.

If people don't return RSVPs on time, when you have provided and envelope, stamps, and all they have to do is put it in their mailbox in front of their house, I'm sure you can't expect someone to return a wallet like snap. As much as you might be missing it, that requires packaging, going to the actual post office, doing the line, dealing with them (fun!), and paying for postage (btw, did you offer to pay for that? I hate when people say, "oh! just mail it to me" Like mailing stuff is free). I'm not trying to get $3 out of you, I'm just saying is bad etiquette to assume.

Anyways, three weeks is a long time, but after having to call people to ask why they didn't send their RSVPs I really don't expect much from people....I'm sorry you forgot your wallet but I'm mostly sorry she is your BM. It seems to ruin friendships faster than lending money! LOL

quiggels219 · February 2012

No I haven't checked my accounts - I probably should - that's a good idea. I just wish shed be honest with me because it is def fishy. At this point I'm like well is she ever going to respond to me like a normal human? My wedding is in just over a month - I would like to know if one of my bm is just gonna avoid me forever or what?? And I would like for everything to be hashed out well before then too. I know the email will probably not get a good response but maybe it will be an honest one which is all I want. Ugh thanks ladies - just having people to vent to makes it slightly better.

RaquelS · February 2012

I would be so pissed off right now if my BM did this to me. I agree with a PP, that she probably is not going to mail it, she may have lost it, or is just too lazy and selfish to give a crap about getting it to you, and therefore may never send it and will probably insist that she did and that it got lost in the mail. I truly hope I'm wrong about that, because if not, she is a not a good friend at all. I would cancel all my cards, and to be honest I'd think twice about having her stand in my wedding, she's shown how reliable she is.

quiggels219 · February 2012

Orienita - I think you misunderstood - I don't care if she cares about my wedding - I have not asked one thing of one person other than my mother and I don't expect anyone to care about my wedding. This has nothing to do with my wedding - it has to do with one of my best friends not caring enough to send me my wallet - have you ever lost your wallet? It's horrendous. My point is she is a bm which implies a best friend and is just ignoring me and being awful. Yes I said she was a bm in the title but I'm not saying it's a bm duty I'm saying it's something a decent person should do. And I'm sorry but it's not a pair of shoes it's all my personal things. I don't want to be aggressive with you at all but honestly I do not want anyones life to revolve around my wedding. Also, I admit I left it but true friends are supposed to be there for you and take a minute out of their day to help you out - or honestly all she had to do was leave it with her door man for my mom to get - she could have done that on the way out to walk her dog.

Priya490 · February 2012

Wow what is the deal with this bridesmaid??? I'm so sorry that you have to go through this!!! I'm not understanding why it's taking her three weeks to mail your wallet! I feel like normally people understand that there are super important things in there and when someone loses it, they need it back ASAP! I would be reacting the same as you and would be so frustrated if one of my bestfriends was not responding. She's obviously being super inconsiderate and rude. Plus, she just threw a bachelorette for you, when you were the guest of honor, you would think if the guest of honor lost something, you would send it to her if you found it! I would see what she says to your email and wait another day. If she sent it last Friday, maybe she sent it through the slowest delivery so it might get to you by tomorrow/Saturday (you live in NY, right?) Definitely let her know how hurt you are by her lack of responsiveness, this is all so ridiculous and I would be furious if a friend was doing this to me!

anna323 · February 2012

So inconsiderate! I would honestly reconsider having her in your wedding if she's acting this way, especially not answering your calls. I think you've done all you can to get your wallet back at her convenience. If she didn't want to mail then she should of just let your mom do it. Or if she lost it then she should of told you. I understand the world does not revolve around our weddings but this is ridiculous behavior for anyone but especially a bridesmaid that's supposed to make this crazy time easier.

MrsScottGlazer · February 2012

Wow I am so sorry that you are going through this and I dont blame you for being upset at all!!! This isn't the same as sending an RSVP and even if you weren't getting married or what not, I would expect anyone to mail me back my wallett ASAP. I left my pocketbook at my best friends house and I was close to PA and she was in NY but yet she met me the next day after work to give it to me. She even had dinner and this is a woman that is super busy but she understood how important this stuff is.

Honestly, I dont blame you for assuming anything, its been 3 weeks and she has acted very shady when you've tried to get in touch with her. I really hope you get it back soon and if I was you I would have a very long conversation with her about how horrible she acted and how shady the whole thing was. I dont know if I would want someone like that in my wedding. This is a huge part of your life and later on you dont want to look back at your pictures and remember that this happened.

I hope it all works out!!

MrsFranco417 · February 2012

I am sorry you are going through this. I completely understand how you feel. I was in a similar situation where I thought a friend was a friend, but turns out that was not the case. She was ignoring my calls and texts, and I finally just showed up at her house to confront her about it.

Anyways, about your situation... I would immediately get on the phone with all your credit card companies and the bank first thing in the morning and cancel your cards and get replacements. I would not have waited three weeks to do this. That is your personal identification information...

Second, about the whole postal thing... Say she did actually mail it on Friday (sounds fishy though to me too) ... Maybe she mailed it Friday night, which in turn would not have it actually being sent out until first thing Saturday. She's in Miami, you are up north (NY right?) ... Takes a minimum of 3 days standard mail. Why anyone would send something like that standard mail, no tracking, is beyond me. Anyways, Saturday wouldnt count as it is going through the process of being shipped out from Miami. Sunday there's no mail, Monday was a holiday. Your first real day of transport would be Tuesday, today is the third day. If she really did mail it, if you dont have it tomorrow, then something is wrong.

Either way, I would call the credit card company and bank and inform them of your situation and request those cards be cancelled and new ones be sent to you. I honestly would have done that to begin with... at this point, you would have already had your new credit and debit cards. As for the bridesmaid herself, I understand this has nothing to do with the wedding itself ... but would you really want someone like that standing up for you on your special day?

I hope, for your sake, she really did mail your wallet. Maybe the message you sent her will get a truthful (and quick) response. The last thing you need to be worrying about is this type of stuff ...

JudeG20 · February 2012

I think this is fishy!! I think you should send your mom back again. If not I think its time you start ordering new cards. I am sorry this is happening. I know the feeling of what your going through. Good luck!

Ugh! I think I hate my bm! Kinda long

Re: Ugh! I think I hate my bm! Kinda long

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