AHHHHHHH! Ok, got that out there.
I want to be married, and I want my FI living with me, and I want all family drama to cease immediately. And apparently I need to make/be a better friend?? I don't know. O, and I have a six page paper to write by this evening at 11:59 pm.... about China. I do not care about China right now.
I am so tired of being alone, and doing everything alone, and sleeping alone. I hate being in this apartment all by myself, especially at night. I never ever see FI because of our schedules, but also since this is not his primary place of residence and he's got ridiculous parents who will not get off his back about being over here "too much."
My shower is tomorrow and I am so nervous about it. I hope everything goes well, but from what I have heard I am just worried. I feel like I am making people's lives difficult. My MOH wants nothing to do with my wedding anymore apparently (if you remember, I was supposed to be her MOH in her wedding in June but it got called off, so now she is anti-wedding period, mine included). I really just didn't want a shower period because from the vibes I am getting it seems like things are being done out of obligation and not because they want to. Which makes me feel awful. I am a weepy mess, I bawled my eyes out in the bathroom at a friend of the family's bridal shower last weekend because I was stressing out so much about mine and how I feel like none of my "friends" barring my sister, who normally hates me, really seems to even want to do this bridal shower. And I don't want to say anything or let on that I am feeling bad because I am afraid it will be taken the wrong way and the last thing I want to do is come across as a pushy bride.
There is so much more in my head right now but this portion is long enough, I don't want to kill you girls with a wall of text. I just hope I do not become a crying mess at this shower tomorrow... at which I believe there are going to be like a million people.
On a more positive note, every single one of my table numbers are done and I could not be happier with them!