The Loss...

Re: The Loss...

• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  I know it is hard. While my my Mom is still living, she is just going thru the motions (hard to explain) but, long story short, we don't get along. She is very mentally sick woman who refuses to get help for things. I won't go into details, but it is very depressing and sad. She is very controlling and bitter, says very mean and damaging things to people. Honestly, I am not sure if she even loves me bc I think she is unable to feel or know what emotion is. She is very empty, almost like a ghost. This is the reason and many more why we don't get along.
  
  It was and still is very hard to see other girls having their moms there and them participating with everything, mine is not. Esp when people ask, well didn't your mom do this and that, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes when I answer no. FI has helped me too including getting myself away from her. I pray and think about her everyday but she refuses to listen to anybody and get help. It is was a tug-o-war bc while I wanted her to be my mom and be with her, it was killing me. I was really close to a nervous breakdown until FI got me out of the house and into my own place. Now my poor sister is going thru it and we live out of state or I would have her live with us to get away from her. I went home this weekend for my shower, she was late for it, and it is just so weird being around her, that I can't  bear it. It hurts so much.
  
  I don't mean to bore you with my issues, bc trust me that is only a little bit, but my point is that you will make it thru. God didn't put you thru this if He didn't know you couldn't get thru it. Things will get better, while they never will be the same, I would try to grow closer to FMIL. There are plenty of people who have done this and over time, she will get to know you better. Nothing ever replaces your Mom, but at least she is in Heaven looking down at you and I am sure she would want you to be happy and carry on. Focus on your future with you new husband and the life that you will be starting. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.
  

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• eav2c

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_loss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a3755a8c-b0a6-4365-9838-dc64554774e3Post:0f451db8-b236-45e6-9338-88d19a869ee4">Re: The Loss...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I know it is hard. While my my Mom is still living, she is just going thru the motions (hard to explain) but, long story short, we don't get along. She is very mentally sick woman who refuses to get help for things. I won't go into details, but it is very depressing and sad. She is very controlling and bitter, says very mean and damaging things to people. Honestly, I am not sure if she even loves me bc I think she is unable to feel or know what emotion is. She is very empty, almost like a ghost. This is the reason and many more why we don't get along. It was and still is very hard to see other girls having their moms there and them participating with everything, mine is not. Esp when people ask, well didn't your mom do this and that, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes when I answer no. FI has helped me too including getting myself away from her. I pray and think about her everyday but she refuses to listen to anybody and get help. It is was a tug-o-war bc while I wanted her to be my mom and be with her, it was killing me. I was really close to a nervous breakdown until FI got me out of the house and into my own place. Now my poor sister is going thru it and we live out of state or I would have her live with us to get away from her. I went home this weekend for my shower, she was late for it, and it is just so weird being around her, that I can't  bear it. It hurts so much. I don't mean to bore you with my issues, bc trust me that is only a little bit, but my point is that you will make it thru. God didn't put you thru this if He didn't know you couldn't get thru it. Things will get better, while they never will be the same, I would try to grow closer to FMIL. There are plenty of people who have done this and over time, she will get to know you better. Nothing ever replaces your Mom, but at least she is in Heaven looking down at you and I am sure she would want you to be happy and carry on. Focus on your future with you new husband and the life that you will be starting. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.
  Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]
  
  MissySue... thanks for sharing. I am really sorry to hear about your mom and will say a prayer that she will come around.
  
  We met with a photographer a couple of weeks back... He didn't know about my mom. He told me one of the best shots to get is one of the mom putting the veil on her daughter... I cried... it wasnt his fault, he didn't know. But sometimes I feel robbed of so many opportunities that I should have had with my mom. I really can't imagine my wedding day without her or having children without her... I just need to take each day as they come. I just so badly yearn for her--not just because of my wedding, but just because I feel that I need her. I didn't realize just how badly I needed her until I didn't have her.
  
  God works in mysterious ways though--and since her passing, I feel a stronger spirtually and know that he has a plan... So, I try to think positive. I see my moms blessing daily, but, I just want to see her, talk to her, and tell her how much I love her.
  
  I sometimes feel that planning my wedding makes me seem selfish. I feel like I should sit and cry everyday, but I don't. I just try to keep going... Planning my wedding has been great in many aspects as it has gotten me out and doing things. But at the end of the day, I so badly want to call her and tell her about my wedding plans.
  
  Again, I really appreciate that you shared your story. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

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• Cant_wait!

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm very sorry for your loss.

  

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• outdoors710

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm sorry, I can understand how hard it is to lose a parent, especially one that is close to you. My dad had a heart attack my senior year of HS and they were saying that he wasn't going to make it. Luckily he did, he saw me graduate, and now he is going to see my wedding. I want to wish you luck, and I know that your mom is watching over you, and I know its hard. You have a new guardian angel that loves you. If you need help in any way you have a great group of brides that are here to help. At the end of the day your mom is always going to know what you got done, and accomplished. Much love hun!
  
  Yasmin

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• 6fsn member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I have no idea what you are going through, but I am sorry you are going through it.

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• Butter Cookie member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be sad, you're in a very difficult place. But try to remember your mom is always with you. She's such a part of you. I'm betting you look a lot like her, think a lot like her, have a heart a lot like hers, and that means she'll forever be a part of you. It's ok to feel sad, but it's also ok to feel happy.
  
  ((hug))
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  eav2c: Your welcome. It helps me know that there are others out there who are going thru similar situations. I know what you are going through even though it may not seem like it. I am so sorry her life was cut short and definitely you are still grieving. Grieving is a process and while time will ease the pain, it will never go away. You could try seeking out some grief couseling or help from a pastor or priest if needed as well. Life is too short and that is why I live each day to the fullest. I am sure you do the same as well. Hang in there girl. I am thinking about you. Lean on those who support you and are there for you. I am sure you will have a wonderful future with your FI. Focus on the positives and the future and what great things it will bring. And always remember, talk to God about this, He will help you through these tough times. Gosh, this is bringing tears to my eyes writing this. Take care and I wish you all the best!

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• *Candi* member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  I am so sorry for your loss.
  
  My mom died when I was almost 12, so I thought all of those things when I was wedding planning, though the feelings weren't nearly as fresh as yours are.
  
  Something you may consider- I set aside one chair in the front on my side where my mom would have sat and put 2 roses in the chair for her. I also attached her wedding band to my bouquet. It ws a nice way to honor her and I know that my sister appreciated it too.
  

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• Heffalump member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  Unfortunately, I don't have any advice, but I am really sorry for your loss.

  �

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  eav2c: if you need to talk to someone, just send me a private message or page me on the June 2010 boards

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