Registry and Gift Forum

Thank you note etiquette

Do I need to write thank you note for those who didn't bring any gifts or cards? I had quite a few of those, or should I still send one and just thank them for coming to the wedding?

Re: Thank you note etiquette

  • I would send a note just to thank them for coming to the wedding and let them know you enjoyed seeing them. Some people genuinely might not be able to afford a gift, especially if they came from out of town and had to pay travel and hotel expenses. There's also the possibility that they did get a card or gift and it was stolen or misplaced at the reception, or lost in the mail.
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    The reception is the thank you for coming, so a thank you note is not necessary.  If the gift was stolen/misplaced/lost in the mail, they will contact you when the check isn't cashed or the thank you never arrives.  I would only send the thank you for coming if I remembered them walking in with a card or gift that I didn't get, otherwise it appears you're fishing to make sure they didn't send a gift.
  • Sbelle85, ah........you read my mind, the thought that something being misplaced or stolen had crossed my mind, I don't expect everyone to bring gifts, and understand there are travel expanses. I felt if I send it anyways and if they did brought a gift, then at least I send it out and acknowledge their physical presence!

  • If anyone came from OOT, I would still send them a TY for coming. 
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  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thank-you-note-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bc46bfca-a52b-43aa-b6a9-74d6b0e7b194Post:821f561a-0055-446d-ac17-2da037d2fc9e">Re: Thank you note etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank you note etiquette : I cannot possibly imagine contacting someone to make sure the got my gift just because I didn't receive a thank you note.  But that's just me.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Perhaps it's an area thing, in New Orleans everyone knows someone who has had packages stolen, no matter where you live.  I like to buy online and have gifts sent to the bride and groom, so if I haven't heard and I forgot to give them a heads up to expect a package, I try to make sure they received it.</div>
  • I am going to thank people at the wedding for coming (any oot guests will be thanked at the RD as well), so I am not sending thank you notes too to thank them for coming if I have already done so in person (which is so much better).
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  • SCogs18SCogs18 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    [QUOTE]The reception is the thank you for coming, so a thank you note is not necessary.  If the gift was stolen/misplaced/lost in the mail, they will contact you when the check isn't cashed or the thank you never arrives.  I would only send the thank you for coming if I remembered them walking in with a card or gift that I didn't get, otherwise it appears you're fishing to make sure they didn't send a gift.
    Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

    I 100% agree with this.  Your reception is the thank you.  I don't think you need to send a note unless they gave you a gift of some kind.
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  • SCogs18SCogs18 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    Also, I don't think it's a bad thing to make sure a gift arrived, especially if you had it shipped directly.  I sent a gift to a good friend of mine (I couldn't attend her wedding) and I hadn't heard anything about it 6 months later.  The shipment had been separted in half (I got her two travel suitcases) and Target didn't attach my note saying who it was from.  She was really worried that she was being rude because she hadn't thanked someone for their gift and was totally relieved when I asked about it.  You can do it nicely: "Hey Friend'sName, I just want to make sure you got my wedding gift because I never got a shipping confirmation e-mail and I am going to have a chat with customer service if you didn't get the X I sent you."
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  • I was just wondering this!  I have decided to do what other posters have said- just send a heartfelt note to say thank you for coming.  Of course, still try to include personal details about the event or the next time you'll see them or include a little reminiscense of a memory you have shared with that person and what made having them there with you on your wedding day so special.  Or, if it's a friend or family member of your husband, have him write the note and include how much you (his new bride!) look forward to getting to know them even better over the years.  Also remember that traditional etiquette says it's okay to send a gift up to a year following the wedding.  So keep a few extra notes in case more gifts come in.

    You most likely purchased your TY's already anyway- so you might as well.  Do you HAVE to in order to meet these crazy "etiquette guidelines"?  No.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thank-you-note-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bc46bfca-a52b-43aa-b6a9-74d6b0e7b194Post:9ff9069a-bd23-44bc-94bc-6ae83c8f09a3">Re: Thank you note etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]The reception is the thank you for coming, so a thank you note is not necessary.  If the gift was stolen/misplaced/lost in the mail, they will contact you when the check isn't cashed or the thank you never arrives.  I would only send the thank you for coming if I remembered them walking in with a card or gift that I didn't get, otherwise it appears you're fishing to make sure they didn't send a gift.
    Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]<div>
     I disagree.  I think it's a matter of how you phrase the thank you note. If you just say "Thank you for coming to our wedding" the recipient of said thank you note may feel guilty.  And you wouldn't want that, of course, because they are not obligated to send anything.  BUT, if you go into a little bit of detail to say <em>why</em> their precense meant so much (e.g. they're an old childhood friend you don't get to connect with very often, or a family member who has traveled, or even just someone who has been a rock in your life) I don't think it would come off that way.  </div><div>\</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thank-you-note-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bc46bfca-a52b-43aa-b6a9-74d6b0e7b194Post:85f482d4-293f-4d19-9c4e-b33424f9df02">Re: Thank you note etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank you note etiquette : Perhaps it's an area thing, in New Orleans everyone knows someone who has had packages stolen, no matter where you live.  I like to buy online and have gifts sent to the bride and groom, so if I haven't heard and I forgot to give them a heads up to expect a package, I try to make sure they received it.
    Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I usually write it in my card that I give at the reception.  For example, a wedding I am attending this weekend, the card says something like:</div><div>
    </div><div> "Dear M &J-  It is truly an honor to be a part of your special day.  You and J make such a lovely couple.  I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness. I hope you enjoy the bowl that we sent to your home- your china pattern is just beautiful.  Love- L&G"   </div><div>
    </div><div>Because I too cannot imagine calling (or remembering to call, for that matter) someone 6 months from now to say I haven't recieved a ty note, did you not get our gift?  Even though I suppose I should!!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thank-you-note-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bc46bfca-a52b-43aa-b6a9-74d6b0e7b194Post:471c0d5a-f4c7-4d0a-b14c-7a0ecc8a6e71">Re: Thank you note etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am going to thank people at the wedding for coming (any oot guests will be thanked at the RD as well), so I am not sending thank you notes too to thank them for coming if I have already done so in person (which is so much better).
    Posted by librababy[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>You're not obligated to send a TY for coming.  In person is fine.  However, thanking someone in person for their gift is not proper.  Of course you can and should say thank you in person, but a follow up handwritten thank you note is required.</div>
  • Wow, so much to think about, thanks for all your input! I feel like I should write you ladies a thank you note now, hahaha

    PS. One guest did send a gift after the reception, it does happens!
     
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thank-you-note-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bc46bfca-a52b-43aa-b6a9-74d6b0e7b194Post:b7db2c65-f1f0-40b5-9d5d-a1a056bceb5e">Re: Thank you note etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]One doesn't send more correspondence (the TY note) in return for correspondence.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thank you for saying thank you for saying thank you? lol... after i sent ty notes after my shower I received a handful of facebook messages and emails that said "thank you for the thank you note"  It was a little funny... cause that dialogue could go on for.ever.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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