FI stressed out!

feliswilderi · April 2012

I was calm about the wedding until my FI freaked out one day about the stress! Has anyone else's FI done that? He is a manly man type, so I knew he wouldn't help me with a ton he has helped though He wants me to tell him if I need help with anything. I still have tried not to talk to him too much about it so I don't overwhelm him with it.One day he just blew up about how every time I talk to him it's about how we need to spend money on something or how something went wrong with the plans. I had no idea he was so stressed about this! I know we are trying to buy a house pretty much as soon as we get back from the Honeymoon and this wedding business is not his thing. But I have done almost all the planning and buying things for the wedding so I don't understand where this is coming from! Can anyone offer some insight? Other fiances acting weird? We are 3 weeks out now and the one person I want to share my excitement with has just pretty much closed the door on sharing wedding excitement with. I just don't want to remember my Prewedding days as ones where I was walking on pins and needles...

lebast · April 2012

Maybe you should have talked to him more? Maybe you've just "vented" the bad stuff and finances and not told him about all the things that are going well. My FI gets stressed out too, but it's not that bad. He's in the "loop," though. He has done almost everything fort he church, DJ, flowers, and cupcakes.

You could have a date night where you don't talk at all about the wedding. That might help, too.

em01092 · April 2012

My FI is very whatever about the whole thing. He is not easily excited or stressed. Truthfully, he did not care what kind of wedding we had, or if we even got married at all. I mean he proposed, but he did that because he knew marriage was important to me. He has several family members who have been together 20+years and are not married.

The only time he was frustrated was when we were having issues with his mom.

JAPetela · April 2012

My fiance has been stressed lately too and he doesn't typically show stress. We did the house buying thing at the same time as the wedding and I think that is what stressed him out. We just settled on our house and we are 2 weeks out from our wedding. It might be that he is thinking about the money that it will take to buy a house and worrying about that, along with all of the expenses of a wedding. I know my fiance bottles up his stress inside and then it finally comes out when he's too overwhelmed. Maybe he's been feeling stressed but not expressing it and something small set him off. We did a date night where we window shopped and grabbed a burger (so as not to spend too much more money) without talking about the wedding or house hunting and it was perfect. We focused on us and it helped us both put things back into perspective. I would definitely recommend it! Good luck!! But know that you're not alone.

blgrout · April 2012

We went through that earlier in the planning process, where we got in a huge fight (ok, a couple of fights) over the fact that everytime we talked, it was about the wedding. I don't think he realized how much planning goes into pulling off a wedding, especially sans coordinator. Once we were able to really talk about why we have to talk so much about the wedding (I wanted his opinion, since it's OUR wedding, and we are the ones planning it), he was more understanding.
Or he could just be nervous about how close you are to the wedding date. Getting married is kind of a big deal

. It'll pass though. I'd talk to him when you guys are in a more neutral position (ie not in the heat of a blowup/freakout), or do as PP suggested and just have a non wedding date night.

feliswilderi · April 2012

Thanks for the advice. BTW, I LOVE your zumba signature. Its perfect and so true! I have been blowing off steam at zumba lately too!

I talked to him after he cooled down. He is stressed about the money for the house and thinks the wedding is getting in the way. He also had no idea how much goes into a even a understated wedding like we are having. His feeling is that we will be married no matter how we do it and no matter how much we try to make it about us we still end up trying to please everybody else. So it is never REALLY about us. That is upsetting him too.

Nice to know I'm not alone in this issue...

rlavach · April 2012

I can understand your FI's feelings. It's the opposite for us. Since I'm the one that makes more, I've been contributing more, so it feels more painful to let all that money go for a one day event. I've been trying to be conservative & save as much as possible b/c FI knows how paranoid I am of something bad happening later that will put us in a tight financial spot.

Of course, my worst nightmare happened & my car completely died 2 days ago. So, we're now carless. Of course, a car payment was the last thing we needed. I'd show him how much you've saved by doing certain things & what the common prices of things are, that way he sees that it's not you going crazy, but just the way things are. It will get better.

FI stressed out!

Re: FI stressed out!

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