Adult-only wedding

FutureMrsG2013 · August 2011

So I am having an adult's only wedding and I know it's a big no-no to put this information on the invitation itself, so I was planning on putting it onto my website which will be linked on the STD's...but, I can't think of where/how I want to phrase it. Any ideas?

Combs132 · August 2011

I just got an invitation recently for an adult-only reception. They have the invite and then a separate reception card and this is how it reads:

Reception
The celebration continues with an adult reception
Please join us at six o'clock...

I didn't find this to be rude or anything! But I also have no kids

TheBeckmeister · August 2011

Just address the invitations to the people you actually want to invite. Some people won't understand that though, so...

On the response card you could do:

____ of 2 will attend

2 seats have been reserved for you

Joe Smith _____ will attend _____ will not attend

Jane Smith _____ will attend _____ will not attend

The wording from Combs seems clear but not rude or anything, so that'd be a possibility if you didn't want to personalize the response cards.

MissOwl · August 2011

please don't actually mention 'adults only' or 'adult reception' anywhere. etiquette-wise, it is very rude. the rule accordint to emily post is that you never draw attention to what is not allowed, who is not invited.

instead, do as combs said and address invitations carefully. do not put 'and family' on the invitation or response card. if someone writes their kids' names on the invite, you simply call and explain that the invitation was only for them.

a-ingram · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-columbus_adult-only-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:112Discussion:043e079f-6857-4be2-99ec-3d11d692b74aPost:9f670084-08c5-4cd7-9685-355dd5a5ed07">Re: Adult-only wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]please don't actually mention 'adults only' or 'adult reception' anywhere. etiquette-wise, it is very rude. the rule accordint to emily post is that you never draw attention to what is not allowed, who is not invited. instead, do as combs said and address invitations carefully. do not put 'and family' on the invitation or response card. if someone writes their kids' names on the invite, you simply call and explain that the invitation was only for them.
Posted by MissOwl[/QUOTE]

This! Don't mention it, or make it obvious or rude. Are you doing inner envelopes? If not, that is another way to make it clear who is invited. I think the RSVP with actual names seems complicated (for creating them) so I personally wouldn't go to the trouble. Just call whoever might happen to write their kids name on the RSVP and explain that kids aren't invited, or have your mom or FMIL call if it's family and think it might be awkward.

Ajoyd · August 2011

I agree with the last two posts. It should not be written anywhere on the invitation. If the invitations are addressed only to Mr. and Mrs. or whoever the adults in the family are, they should "get" that their kids are not invited.

DanielleD7782 · August 2011

I had a similar predicament with my wedding. I did not put anything on the inviations about being adults only and actually ended up getting some really nasty emails from my cousins wife. The whole thing was absurd and they ended up not coming to the wedding over it. I still would say NOT to put it on the invitations. Everyone else that had kids got it...you can't please everyone!

Also, I recently got an invite in the mail where the RSVP card says "___ of 2 will attend/not attend". The 2 was handwritten. I have an 8 year old son and to me that was an ok way of saying...your kid isn't invited!

GApeachOH · August 2011

Maybe offer a babysitter for those who simply HAVE to bring their babies? And by babies, I mean children of all ages.

FutureMrsG2013 · August 2011

Thanks for all the tips ladies, it definitely helps!

jwatts2 · August 2011

Although it might be rude to put "Adult Only" reception on the invitation, I find it just as rude for my cousins children to be sticking their fingers in my cake and running through my first dance (This honestly happened at my cousin's wedding!). I love children but a wedding isn't the place for them, at least for my wedding. Everyone is different. I put "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor". The feedback I'm receving is actually really good, it's a nicer way than putting Adult Only on the reception. People don't pay any attention to the name on the envelopes. Happy planning and good luck!

csh96 · August 2011

My sister used the adult only reception wording years ago and I don't remember that causing anyone to think it was rude. I ended up going with the "__ seats have been reserved in your honor" wording though. Apparently I still had a couple people question my mom why their kids weren't invited. My poor mom wasn't even involved in that part.

Just remember you cannot please everyone so do what's best for you!

FutureMrsG2013 · August 2011

Thanks! I've definitely gotten some great ideas. I was worried people would be upset or think I was being rude. I love kids, but I just don't want them there. I don't want screaming crying babies during the ceremony, or have them running around knocking things over or like you said, running their fingers through the cake. Weddings are expensive and I just want it to be perfect.

77Angie · August 2011

I just went to a wedding where there were kids making noises during the entire ceremony and their parents didn't take them out. It was very distracting. I just received an invite and on the rsvp card it said adult only reception at the bottom. Not sure I love that but it was clear what was expected. I like the ____ seats have been reserved in your honor. Can someone PM me or send me a pic their rsvp card that used that wording?

Also, is it also bad to put adult reception on the wedding website?

SummerTwentyEleven · August 2011

I recently was told to put "Adult Reception" as the header on the reception card of my invites by the person who did them, and I was fine with it. We had made it clear that we were not having kids under 18 via word of mouth from the time we started planning, but we still had gotten so many "well can just so and so just come anyway b/c she is the same level of cousin as so and so" etc etc etc that I was just over it by the time it came to the invites (can you tell that this became a HUGE issue for us? Haha).

I have taught children for 7 years now and have babysat for many many families over the years b/c I worked for a babysitting agency during and after college. I love kids, and b/c of all of my experience with them, I know what typical "kids being kids" behavior is, and for that reason my husband and I chose not to invite any kids to our reception. I am completely 100% happy with our decision to do so, and we also had some parents say they were happy to have a night out to themselves. We had originally thought about providing babysitting, but then decided against it.

I put adult reception on the invite and as the "reception" header on our website, and we addressed the envelope to the specific invitees (and even still, several people once again asked if we could make "one" exception).

I say it's your wedding -- do that you want. "Adult reception" designates exactly who IS invited -- adults.

FutureMrsG2013 · August 2011

Thanks! I will probably end up doing the __ seats have been reserved thing on the response cards and I also put info on my wedding website saying "Adult reception to follow". I'll be doing STD's so everyone will be able to look at the website and know details.

I know not everyone will like it and some people may not come because of it, but I say that's their loss. I want our day to be perfect so this is how it's going to be.

Flexiem · August 2011

I'm facing a dilema...My future sister-in-law told me how she and my future mother-in-law over heard one of my fiances cousin's girlfriends saying how she was bringing her 5 month old baby to our wedding because she is breastfeeding and they will be traveling from out of town. My future sister in law said that they reitterated that we were having an adult only reception and that she told my fiances cousin's gf that she should talk to me about it if she still planned on bringing the baby. My invitations were addressed specifically to the couple and I also included "Adult Reception following the Ceremony". I haven't received my fiance's cousin's resonpse card yet and I don't know if I need to address it before hand. Due to financial and other reasons we decided to have an adult only reception. I come from a very large family and it was the only way we could afford to invite the family and freinds.(We are close with 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins). The guest list has been the trickiest part of the entire wedding!! My fiance' says not to worry about it but there are many people who have made arrangements for sitters or who politely declined because they knew it wasnt feasable to leave their child. I'm really not opposed to them bringing their baby other than that its not fair to all of the other people who made arrangements or who understood the siutation and told us thay they wouldnt be able to make it. Despite not having any children of my own, I am the oldest child of a large family and I understand that child care can be difficult. I also believe that If i had kids of my own, that unless i was able to make alternative arrangements i might not be able to attend an adult only affair with my children, and that I shouldnt expect that someone make an exception just for me! Basically, should I reach out the my cousin's fiance's gf or wait for her to bring it up when it is clear that no children are invited?

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