is it proper to upgrade the engagement ring?

Britt1893 · December 2011

My cousin has been married for 5 years now, and the ring company has informed her she can upgrade. She was debating on doing it, and asked me what I would do. I didn't know, so is it wrong to upgrade the ring even though you've been married a while?

DramaGeek · December 2011

There's nothing wrong with it. I'd just make sure the H is on board with it. Some men are very sentimental about the ring they proposed with and would be upset if a wife chose to upgrade.

cebrady89 · December 2011

I plan on having a second band added for a future anniversary, just something to match my wedding band but go on the other side of my engagement ring.

Nothing wrong with it, but I'd tell your friend to make sure that her husband is okay with it. If it totally changes the look of the ring, I wouldn't be for it, if I were her husband.

kmmssg · December 2011

That is nothing but a ploy by the jeweler to get more money by playing on the emotions of husband as well as the wife. I find this approach nothing but offensive. It is one thing if a guy comes to his wife and says he wants to upgrade her ring. It is entirely another for a jeweler to do this and put the husband in such an awkward position. Personally, I would seriously side-eye any woman who would approach her husband with the jeweler's "upgrade offer." Nothing like telling a guy his ring isn't good enough.

AdeleDazeem · December 2011

There's nothing wrong with upgrading an engagement ring, however I would *never* do it. To me, there's nothing to upgrade. The ring isn't about the size of the diamond or the metal used to make it, it's about a man I love buying it and using it to ask me to marry him. They don't sell that kind of meaning in stores.

tldh · December 2011

Did she want to upgrade it before she was contacted? Also, I seriously doubt that the jeweler is just going to give her a larger stone or two - this was a sales pitch that she heard. I also would never dream of upgrading my ring. It was perfect the day I got it and it is still perfect today.

redheadfsu · December 2011

There is nothing wrong with upgrading (I upgraded my setting); however the husband needs to be ok with it.

AurorasEnvy · December 2011

Yeah, I would never do it for sentimental reasons. I might add another band to the set, but I'd never get rid of something original that my FI picked out for me. I definitely think the H has to be on board, I know if my pretend-wife asked me to upgrade her ring I'd feel a bit hurt/think the ring I bought was inadequate for her.

Amanda1443994 · December 2011

I don't see anything wrong with upgrading rings. A lot of people who do it keep their original stone and make a necklace out of it or something else so that they still have the original for sentimental value. However, I don't think she should ask her husband for an upgrade because he might be hurt by this. All of the people I've known that upgraded their rings had their husbands offer it to their wives and then they accepted.

ElleB87 · December 2011

I think upgrading a ring should be a decision that a couple makes and I think the jeweler is incredibly rude for contacting your cousin. I don't see anything wrong with upgrading a ring...but I do see something wrong with a jeweler suggesting it...it just gives me a creeps for some reason.

rlavach · December 2011

I agree that the jeweler is just looking to make money on this one. My FI is the one who suggested that I upgrade to a larger center stone at our 1 year & then get an enhancer on another anniversary. I have no problem with the way my ring is, but who could say no to more!

I would feel weird bringing it up to my FI, though. I'd probably try to beat around the bush at first by saying, 'hey, I heard so-and-so is upgrading her ring for their 5 year anniv." and see what he says. Some guys have no clue that this is even a possibility.

Avion22 · December 2011

I could see taking a solitaire ring and re-setting it as a three-stone ring (representing past, present, and future), with the original either as the center stone, or one of the side stones. Or, as some people mentioned, getting another band to put on the other side opposite the wedding band. But again, this is something that she and her husband should discuss, and the jeweler should butt out. Obviously he is trying to make money with his "upgrade" sales-pitch.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

Wow, that's a pretty pushy sales tactic! That said, I know lots of women who got "anniversary sets" for their fifth or tenth anniversaries, to replace their original engagement ring/wedding band combo - as long as both your cousin and her husband are comfortable with it and it fits into their budget, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

ETA clarity and spelling.

WildMagelet · January 2012

Personally, the only way I'd consider upgrading would be to purchase an anniversary band to wear on the outside of my engagement ring.

KatePlusNate04 · January 2012

I would never upgrade unless H said he wanted to upgrade it for me for an anniversary or something. I love my ring, but as PPs have said, it's about more than just the actual ring, but the sentiment behind it. I think my H would be hurt and offended if I upgraded it on my own, like saying the ring isn't good enough or doesn't mean anything. It sounds like just another ploy from the jeweler to make some money.

gsg717 · January 2012

FI and I went e-ring shopping with the mindset that the ring would be upgraded at a later time, when he/we had more money. Well, when the opportunity to upgrade came along, I didn't want to do it. He was fine with the idea, but I love my e-ring. It has a very special meaning for me, and a bigger diamond or more elaborate design is not worth as much as what I have now. So instead, he plans to get me another ring for our 10-yr anniversary, when we plan to renew our vows. It'll be a larger version of what I have now for my e-ring. He says he even wants to get down on one knee and ask again. Whatever floats his boat.

Like PP's said, if she wasn't thinking about upgrading before the jeweler called, then why do it now? Ultimately, she should talk to her H about it. He's the one that bought her the ring in the first place, so he should decide.

littleshrink · January 2012

No, no no! The ring he GAVE her when he asked her to marry him is the most precious gift. I personally never would "upgrade" my ring. I haven't even seen the wedding band yet, but I know my fiancee made sure HE could add a anniversary band to it later.
Jewlers are not tactful individuals usually. I think this is just another excuse to try to get more money out of people. If her husband would want to upgrade or add or give her another ring on their 5th, 10th or whichever, then that is his choice. She should just love her ring and everything it represents.

kimiandgary · January 2012

I agree with the previous poster. Check with the husband and have an open conversation about it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing it. My parents upgraded their rings at the 25 year mark and it almost made it vow renewal like as they had a little fun with their new ring exchange.

is it proper to upgrade the engagement ring?

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