Flower Girl Invited but not sibling

Re: Flower Girl Invited but not sibling

• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2013

  I think you force yourself to go to the wedding or you don't.
  
  But your cousin was not obligated to ask your son along with your daughter.  Siblings are not "social units" the way spouses, fiance/es, and SOs are that all have to be invited together. 
  
  Still, it does seem odd that she wanted your daughter to be a flower girl at an adults-only event.  It would have made sense not to invite her either.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2013

  Assuming your kids are similar in age, I would probably pull my daughter out and explain to the bride that I just didn't feel comfortable splitting my kids up like that.  It would be different if they were widely split in age, and thus weren't usually invited to the same things, or if he were invited as a guest and you had to explain that his sister was playing a special role.  True, she's not being rude or doing anything wrong, but I would feel really uncomfortable with that situation.  

  
  

  Then I would get a sitter and attend with my husband.  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  Your cousin was rude. One is not supposed to split families. One does not use children as props. I think it is probably too late to pull her as the invitations are out. Assuming your daughter is invited to the reception as well, I would write the bride a heartfelt letter and sympathize with her wishes to have only adults at the reception. Then explain how splitting the family has put you in quite the awkward position of truly hurting your son's feelings, especially, and add anything else of note, such as traveling or babysitting arrangements. If she says no way, then I would go and leave early. Let your little one enjoy the spotlight/party for a little while and just leave after a drink or two. If your husband doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to. That's too bad. It could have been a nice family get-together.

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• SmallenForever member

  

  January 2013

  Your cousin is rude. I'd not go.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_flower-girl-invited-but-not-sibling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f0305514-ab01-402b-a4fd-51fbc7d2ece7Post:578b48b0-8cab-4d61-9870-cd9c55ffa518">Flower Girl Invited but not sibling</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hi, my cousin asked my daughter to be flower girl but did not tell me that she's having an adults only event.  When we received the invitation, I was hurt to find out about this.  My husband does not want to go anymore so that he can be with our son.  It put us in awkward position of splitting the family.  I respect my cousin's decision to have an adults only event.  I'm not even sure if there will really be no kids except for flower girl and ring bearer because she mentioned that they decided not to invite small children and babies.  Anyway, I am just hurt that she did not tell me way ahead of time that my son will not be invited, only my daughter (because she's the FG).  If that was the case, I will not have committed my daughter to be flower girl. <strong> I just feel that you should not exclude one kid and invite another when they're siblings.</strong>  Do i force myself to go to the wedding or do i just pull my daughter out of it?
  Posted by JuliaM2013a[/QUOTE]<div>I disagree. </div><div>Personally, I think it's a little strange to have just a ring bearer and a floer girl at an adults only wedding. I mean, it makes them seem like they're even more like props. But i dunno, maybe I'm just feeling extra judgey today. </div><div>
  </div><div>Anyway, does your son even care? Your husband doesn't want to go to the wedding now and you've stated that you're hurt a couple of times. What about your son? Is he psyched to get to stay up late with a baby sitter watching tv until he passes out from an ice cream overload? Or does he feel left out of a family event? How old is he? I know as a kid I preferred family events, but I was also a very strange kid. But I also understood I couldn't go everywhere everyone else went, so i wasn't too butthurt when I wasn't invited to some functions. </div><div>
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• JuliaM2013a

  

  January 2013

  Thank you everyone for your insights. My daughter's 4 and my son's turning 2. I know my son's too young to understand but i just feel bad not taking him when my daughter's going with us. I also think that there will bigger kids there. She might just be excluding small kids. In our extended family, there are only 2 small kids. It is her wedding and she has right to invite whoever she wants but i just don't feel right about what happened. It would have been more acceptable if she told me in advance.

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• jjtauber member

  

  January 2013

  Don't feel sorry for your son, but excited for your daughter. She gets to wear a Fancy Dress, have people tell her she looks pretty, and spend some time with her parents without her brother. As an oldest sibling, I know I always enjoyed the times when my parents took me some place and my sister wasn't there. Was she upset? Of course, but she lived through it. My parents told her that they were spending some special time with Big Sister and they would take her out later. When they took her out, I had our wonderful babysitter all to myself!
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_flower-girl-invited-but-not-sibling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f0305514-ab01-402b-a4fd-51fbc7d2ece7Post:ef67c4e5-3484-407f-ae3a-a18232fdfbc4">Re: Flower Girl Invited but not sibling</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thank you everyone for your insights. My daughter's 4 and my son's turning 2. I know my son's too young to understand but i just feel bad not taking him when my daughter's going with us. I also think that there will bigger kids there. She might just be excluding small kids. In our extended family, there are only 2 small kids. It is her wedding and she has right to invite whoever she wants but i just don't feel right about what happened. It would have been more acceptable if she told me in advance.
  Posted by JuliaM2013a[/QUOTE]

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  January 2013

  OP, I agree that she should have told you in advance, can you call her up to confirm your son isn't invited? It'll help you to make your decision.

   

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• mlg78 member

  

  January 2013

  This is a big special day for your daughter and something she'll be excited about.  Is it a perfect situation? No. I've been to weddings where only the flower girl/ring bearer were the only kids at the reception...  Just get a sitter and let your daughter enjoy her day in a pretty dress and celebrate the wedding of your cousin.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  I do think it is wrong that the bride left your son off the inviation without giving you a heads up, however, I do not think that just because you have two kids that they both need to be invited to each and every event.  Your son is two.  He probably will careless that he missed out on going to a wedding.  Heck he probably doesn't even know what a wedding is.
  
  As for having the flower girl and ring bearer attend the reception.  Well that is just proper etiquette.  It would have been more rude of the bride to only use the kids in the wedding and then send them home before the reception.
  
  I think this is a great opportuinty teach kids that just because little suzie gets to do something that doesn't mean little johnnie gets to do it too.
  
  I think your main issue is that you are pissed because she didn't tell you in advance.  Well it is too late for her to fix that but I also think that you shouldn't assume something and then get upset when things don't go as you assume.  I think you need to let this go.

  
  

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• HobokensFury member

  

  January 2013

  Inviting only the FG and RB to an adult only reception is pretty common in my area.  FWIW I invited my RB but not is 1 year old sister.  She's just a baby as is your 2 year old son.  IMO you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

   
   

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  January 2013

  I also agree with those saying that while a heads up would have been nice, I don't think the bride is fully in the wrong.  In all honesty, a lot of this has to do with the fact that your son is 2.  He will not care about or remember missing this wedding; if he were older (and older than your daughter), I would say that you might want to either decline as a family or see if he could be included.  But because he is two, I think this is a good opportunity to have special day with your husband and daughter.  You can always make plans to have a special and more age-appropriate outing with just your husband and your son separately.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• JuliaM2013a

  

  January 2013

  thank you everyone!  your opinions make sense and gives me a different perspective of the situation. 

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• MsYeck member

  

  January 2013

  We are doing an adults only event with the exception of 2 flower girls and a ring bearer. The ring bearer does have a younger brother and another on the way. Only the one is invited but we told the parents this right away to avoid this issue down the road. The bride/groom should have done the same.

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• MoxieMickie member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to Re:Flower Girl Invited but not sibling:[QUOTE]Telling someone outright that their kid won't be invited isn't a good idea.nbsp; It usually comes out sounding harsh regardless of how it's phrased.nbsp; It's better to explain later that you thought it was too late for a wee one, or had a limited guest list....... Posted by RetreadBride[/
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  I agree "can't accommodate" sounds better than "don't want." Sometimes this doesnt work because some parents try to solve the problem that prevents their child from being invited used to staying up late, won't need their own plate or chair etc.

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• JuliaM2013a

  

  January 2013

  On her invite she put "Adults Only" but i just found out that there will be big kids there (over 5 yrs old).  We only have a small extended family and only my son is not invited because of his age.  Yes, it is her wedding and she can invite who she wants and I respect that decision but i still feel it is very inconsiderate of her to exclude my son. 

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