Married Ladies COME HERE

ewhiteman06 · April 2011

Sorry for being such a PW the last couple days, I've been home sick and bored out of my mind.

A good friend of mine has been married for 3 years and is always telling me (especially since I got engaged) that married life is just different. She can't ever put it in words and I'm curious. Granted, when she got married it was the first time she and her H had sex, lived together, lived with anyone other than parents, paid bills etc. Having lived with FI for over a year, I'm curious how things are going to be different.

Blueyed228 · April 2011

Things are not different for me. We lived together for 2 years and owned a house for a year and a half of that.

All that is different for me is my new last name.

SarahPLiz · April 2011

Well, we can have babies now without threat of ridcule from my mother's family or me losing my job, but that's about it. We lived together over 3 years and owned a house for 18 months before we got married.

number55 · April 2011

Nothing is new for me either. We lived together before too. We are best friends. We still like spending time together. We still have the very rare blow-up (I blow, he doesn't - wow, that sounds worse than I thought it would...). I haven't even gotten around to officially changing my name so not even that has changed. We are just as we were before we married.

jasmineh7777 · April 2011

I don't think there's really much difference. We'd been living in sin for a while.

I think there might be more of a feeling of security.

ewhiteman06 · April 2011

Haha I love the term living in sin. It just sounds so much more exotic and exciting than it really is

ewhiteman06 · April 2011

Thanks MilkDuds. Now that I'm reading it I realized I actually read that thread 2 weeks ago when it was posted. That just reaffirms my belief that I'm losing my mind

laurenclaire1386 · April 2011

Day to day life is still pretty much the same for us. We lived together for almost 2 years before we were married. It feels different though. I can't put my finger on what, specifically, makes me feel different than before, but I do. It's a good different.

arwo · April 2011

I'm another that feels like it's different. We were together for more than 5 years by the time we married, and had lived together for more almost 4, so I don't really know WHY it feels different.

The only explanation I can come up with is that we never make promises to each other. I mean never--so much so that it's almost like a superstition at this point. Both of us are scared to make a promise that won't be fulfiulled, so we just don't do it at all. But we did make promises when we got married (that whole "vows" thing) and we take that really seriously, I guess.

It's silly, honestly. I think the promises were there before, but unspoken--but now that we've said them out loud, we both work really hard to keep them. Which makes it different. I guess I feel (weirdly) like we love each other more now that we're married. Ugh, it doesn't make any sense! I hate it when I don't make any sense.

Ciaram22 · April 2011

There was no difference for us. We went back to life as it was before the wedding.

Kristin789 · April 2011

Well, I read all the responses and I totally disagree.
Being married is completely different for us.

Before, the plan was to connect for one date night per week, like Friday night or Saturday night. Now we try to have several evenings together to work on stuff or eat together or play together.

Before, I was comfortable to be out of the dating scene and have a guaranteed boyfriend/fiance to do stuff with. Now I'm far more serious about building a good foundation as we go through the beginning years of our marriage.

Before, I had a slippery way of spending money. Now, I know when all the due dates are and I'm very careful about taking care of finances.

Before, I would work after work for a while, to make the next day easier to everyone. Now, I leave after my shift.

Before, I wouldn't care a whole lot about gaining some weight and losing some weight. Now, I feel like I have to be more careful so I look like our wedding portrait.

Before, I wouldn't care about FI's parents being weird. Now, I'm trying to find ways to get along with them and disregard their weirdness.

Before, I would only suggest romantic comedies and comedies at the movies. Now I understand that DH would prefer to mix it up with some spy movies or adventure movies, so we see some of those too.

Before, I wouldn't care if FI had some very late gigs (like weddings) with his band, because that was all his business - literally. But now that I'm married to him, I ask him to call me when he's heading home, because I'm thinking about him and concerned about him coming home very late.

And I'm sure there's 1000000000000 million more ways that being married is WAY different from being NOT married.

Blueyed228 · April 2011

Kristin- It sounds like you did an awful lot of changing. Did your H make the same changes as well or was it just you?

arwo · April 2011

Kristin: like I said, being married for me has been different than not being married--but not at all for the reasons you stated. The types of things you mention are things that I did WAY before I ever got married to my husband.

number55 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_married-ladies-come-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b1668fd-4a27-49bd-bf45-91af7590e71cPost:9cc9bbfe-2092-42f7-97be-f05df1cdcf2b">Re: Married Ladies COME HERE</a>:
[QUOTE] Before, I wouldn't care a whole lot about gaining some weight and losing some weight. Now, I feel like I have to be more careful so I look like our wedding portrait.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>No offense Kristin, but this is ridiculous and vain and well, ridiculous. And just so you know, 25 years into marriage, you won't look like your wedding portrait and neither will he. Nor should it matter if you do. </div>

Steph0871 · April 2011

Yet another eye-rolling post from Kristin.

Anyway. OP- I probably answered in that other thread (I didn't open it)... but if it makes you feel better, I don't remember if I did

We were together 6 years when we got married, and lived together for almost 2 of them. Day-to-day nothing is really different (except my last name.)

I do feel like I'm taken more seriously at work. I work at the University where I also attended, for the same department that I worked for as a student. I think most of my coworkers still saw me as a student, not a professional. As sad as it is, I feel like getting married (and changing my name) helped changed that preception.

I will admit, though, that I love being able to call him my husband (and hearing him call me his wife.) It seems more serious. I can't really explain it- but it just feels more "US in this together" than 'him and I." I don't know if that makes sense...

bsn1752 · April 2011

Married life is the same for us too. We've been living together for 5 1/2 years and have a 4 year old...

Marrin713 · April 2011

OP - agree with your friend and Lauren...... It's nothing overt that you can actually name; it's more like everything has just been taken to another level.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

I think there's a subtle difference. Our day to day lives haven't changed, but I almost take my role in our relationship more seriously. And I know society takes our relationship more seriously.

But your friend could just be saying that because it was completely different for her. She wouldn't necessarily notice a subtle difference if so much changed at the same time.

aprovencher21 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_married-ladies-come-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b1668fd-4a27-49bd-bf45-91af7590e71cPost:9cc9bbfe-2092-42f7-97be-f05df1cdcf2b">Re: Married Ladies COME HERE</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I read all the responses and I totally disagree. Being married is completely different for us. Before, the plan was to connect for one date night per week, like Friday night or Saturday night. Now we try to have several evenings together to work on stuff or eat together or play together. Before, I was comfortable to be out of the dating scene and have a guaranteed boyfriend/fiance to do stuff with. Now I'm far more serious about building a good foundation as we go through the beginning years of our marriage. Before, I had a slippery way of spending money. Now, I know when all the due dates are and I'm very careful about taking care of finances. Before, I would work after work for a while, to make the next day easier to everyone. Now, I leave after my shift. Before, I wouldn't care a whole lot about gaining some weight and losing some weight. Now, I feel like I have to be more careful so I look like our wedding portrait. Before, I wouldn't care about FI's parents being weird. Now, I'm trying to find ways to get along with them and disregard their weirdness. Before, I would only suggest romantic comedies and comedies at the movies. Now I understand that DH would prefer to mix it up with some spy movies or adventure movies, so we see some of those too. Before, I wouldn't care if FI had some very late gigs (like weddings) with his band, because that was all his business - literally. But now that I'm married to him, I ask him to call me when he's heading home, because I'm thinking about him and concerned about him coming home very late. And I'm sure there's 1000000000000 million more ways that being married is WAY different from being NOT married.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

See most of that stuff....paying bills on time, compromising with my significant other, being concerned about him, etc. was all stuff I was already doing cause ya know I was an adult in a serious relationship. Sounds like you just used marriage as an excuse to make yourself mature.

Also, the idea of making yourself look like your wedding portrait is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. You better hope you don't age, get wrinkles, change your hair color, get shorter, get glasses, etc. or ZOMG you won't match your photo.

lolomilly · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_married-ladies-come-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b1668fd-4a27-49bd-bf45-91af7590e71cPost:24c7efe4-6cdd-46b4-aaa1-73fba588f69f">Re: Married Ladies COME HERE</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Married Ladies COME HERE : See most of that stuff....paying bills on time, compromising with my significant other, being concerned about him, etc. was all stuff I was already doing cause ya know I was an adult in a serious relationship. Sounds like you just used marriage as an excuse to make yourself mature. Also, the idea of making yourself look like your wedding portrait is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.
Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]

Yes. Ditto.

I'm not married yet, but we've lived together for nearly a year, so I can't see things changing much.

ewhiteman06 · April 2011

All very interesting responses. I think one of the big changes for us will be financially. Currently we both have separate accounts and split everything 50/50 ( rent, groceries, utilities). When we get married we plan to have a joint account for most of our expenses and then our own separate accounts "fun money" as my parents call it.

I too am really looking forward to calling him my husband and he calling me his wife. And in regards to the post about trying to look like her wedding portrait, how about you be more interested in staying healthy for yourself/spouse than trying to freeze time.

Married Ladies COME HERE

Re: Married Ladies COME HERE

Choose Another Board

Search Boards