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NWR- was I being snarky?

michelleseanmichellesean
100 Comments First Anniversary
in Snarky Brides
FI and I just moved accross the country and his fam wanted to visit.  Totally fine and I was really looking forward to it.  When we try to find a good week we discovered that FI would probably be working the whole week they would come and can't ask for time off since he will be covering for other people.  My schedule is a little more flexible and I have a couple half days along with free weekends.  FMIL said that they can only come on a specific week and it's only Mon-Fri, so I wont be able to show them around town or entertain them since I'll be working as well.  She said they dont have to come visit since FI will be tied up at work the whole time and they wanted to come sometime after xmas anyway NBD, everything was fine after that.  A week or so later my BFF from preschool told me she wanted to come visit around the same time.  I told her I'd love to see her and shared our schedule conflicts.  I told her weekends are better for me so she said great I'll come anyway and meet up with some other people I know while you're working.  She said she was going to book airfare last weekend.  Well yesterday I talk to FI and he says his mom booked their flights for the same week.  WHATT??  I thought they werent coming and now my friend is going to be here and she wanted to make sure that she wasn't visiting when anyone else would be.  I never get to see her that much anymore so it was important that she spend time w FI and myself. 

I tried calling FMIL, no answer.  I texted her and simply said that I wished she had talked to us before booking flights because now my friend was visitng the same time.  Well she flipped and said I was inconsiderate and mean and that if she cancels her flight it'll be a long time before they ever come visit us, if they even come at all.  I said I wasn't trying to be mean or inconsiderate that I still think she should have said something because both FI and I were very surprised.  Nothing was said from the moment we were told they werent coming anymore until FI got the call that airfare had been purchased. 

I'm trying to just go with the flow and hope that everything will work out.  FMIL says she is disgusted and extremely hurt and that she will talk to FI and figure it out.  Now when/if she comes she'll be all pissed off and I'll be walking on eggshells the whole time. 
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Re: NWR- was I being snarky?

  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Please no.
    panther
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  • Matty143Matty143
    500 Comments
    As long as they aren't planning on staying in your house, I don't see what the big deal is.
    They can get a hotel room, and there are plenty of things they can do to entertain themselves while you or FI are unavailable.
    Sorry, but I don't see the issue. ??
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  • Smash AdamsSmash Adams member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I wouldn't have sent a text with a message like that.  I probably wouldn't have called and talked to her, either, honestly, and would've just let your FI deal with his parents.

    And pleeeeease don't ever use the word "snarky" ever again.
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    "Smash's balls are the biggest balls of them all." -AATB

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  • michelleseanmichellesean
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    I guess I shouldn't have said anything to her at all?  She got all hurt and offended when I told her that since I thought their plans to visit were off I gave the go ahead for my friend.  She said I was extremely rude.  Now they will be here too so I'll be running around trying to do stuff w my friend and FI will spend every second he's not working with his fam.  Not a huge issue but I know they will try to get him to take a day or 2 off so they can do touristy stuff and we really can't afford that.  I guess I feel that as soon as FMIL has her mind made up it's her way or the highway.  Usually I just go with it, but now this is interfering with our plans.  They are going to stay at a hotel, not enough room for his whole fam, but if they was to go to dinner or something then do I bring my friend or have separate dinners out with her?  It seems silly to do that if they wanted to come see the both of us.  Also FI has flown back to visit his family twice already and we literally moved out here a couple months ago.  Both times he flew out he had to take time off work.
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  • Smash AdamsSmash Adams member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    All of that stuff is stuff that I would let FI figure out with his parents, honestly.  He's a big boy, he can tell his parents if he can't afford to take the time off work.

    And not to be a diiick, but even if they say they're coming out to see both of you, I imagine the main focus is to visit with FI.  I would do some dinners with just your friend, and maybe invite her to a few with his family too.  Just play it by ear.  Or at least, that's what I'd do.
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    "Smash's balls are the biggest balls of them all." -AATB

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  • Matty143Matty143
    500 Comments
    Just let it blow over. She wont be mad forever.
    I would let your FI tell his family that he cant take any time off.
    Then just do your best to split your time.
    GL
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  • Matty143Matty143
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_nwr-was-i-being-snarky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:481d0d84-d963-4c13-824c-e429078d29e0Post:652028b6-3936-4e49-a8ba-1ef6e5fc357d">Re: NWR- was I being snarky?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR- was I being snarky? : This! Also, Matty...I love your dog.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! :)
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  • michelleseanmichellesean
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Thanks guys.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't completely out of line.  I realize I probably shouldnt have said anything, but I wasn't trying to be mean at all.  She also tends to go bezerk when anybody says anything she doesn't agree with.  I dont know how many times she has read emails to me from work that she says are unbelievable and 'how dare they say something like that' when it's really not a big deal at all.  I never understand the issue.  I usually just agree with her and leave the room.  I hope this blows over by next month.
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  • michelleseanmichellesean
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Thanks Dot.  I'll remember that.  She never calls me unless she cant get a hold of FI and usually when she texts me she sends a group message to FI and myself.  Weird. 
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  • RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Let your FI deal with his family and explain the situation. If I were in that situation and my FI had a friend coming out when my family had purchased airfair to come visit us I would be horrified if he texted my mother upset. Work it out, YOU can spend time with your friend and your FMIL. You dont have to be glued to either one for the whole weekend.
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  • michelleseanmichellesean
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_nwr-was-i-being-snarky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:481d0d84-d963-4c13-824c-e429078d29e0Post:4c891818-df0a-47c7-92bd-0982c2416068">Re: NWR- was I being snarky?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let your FI deal with his family and explain the situation. If I were in that situation and my FI had a friend coming out when my family had purchased airfair to come visit us I would be horrified if he texted my mother upset. Work it out, YOU can spend time with your friend and your FMIL. You dont have to be glued to either one for the whole weekend.
    Posted by RailWayWife[/QUOTE]

    Let me clarify, he told me to call his mother and talk to her about it.  He was at work when she called him so he couldn't talk.  He called me and told me what she said.  We were both very surprised at their decision to come when they originally said they weren't going to.  So I called and when I didn't hear from her I texted her.  In hindsight, I should have just waited till he got home so he could talk to her, but with the time different it was already 1 in the morning.
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  • futuremrsbrunofuturemrsbruno member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think you need to tell your FI he needs to deal with this issue from now on. If FMIL says anything else to you refer her to her son. I would not make any concrete plans with anyone so when the family and the friend are here, you can figure things out in the moment, rather than trying to plan it now and having things change and backfire.

    Also, you live in L.A. so I wouldn't worry about your work schedule. I believe they will all find plenty of things to do while you and FI are working.
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  • michelleseanmichellesean
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Thanks for the advice guys.  I found out later that when FI went to visit fam they mentioned that they still wanted to visit, but FI took this as a general comment.  They were serious about visiting and expected FI to know they meant they were buying airfare.  Big ol Mis-communication.
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  • krose83013krose83013
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Don't combine dinners. Also, just roll with it. It was just a miscommunication. But I wouldn't have sent a text, I would have spoken to her on the phone. Texts give can send mixed signals and she may have read it the wrong way.

    And I would let the future hubby deal with the MIL. That way you don't have to watch every word you say.
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  • krose83013krose83013
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_nwr-was-i-being-snarky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:481d0d84-d963-4c13-824c-e429078d29e0Post:49912909-3b30-44d0-aa9b-40fbc824e8e8">Re: NWR- was I being snarky?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks Dot.  I'll remember that.  She never calls me unless she cant get a hold of FI and usually when she texts me she sends a group message to FI and myself.  Weird. 
    Posted by michellesean[/QUOTE]

    What? Does she think you two don't talk?
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