this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Second Weddings
Second Weddings
New Discussion

NWR or Is It?

MikesAngieMikesAngie member
1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Second Weddings
Make sure you have a Living Will and a Will  - update it after any changes.

To avoid any unsettling, upsetting or nasty surprises for those you leave - make sure you have those documents and that they are up to date. 

I could regale you with the horror story we are facing because my DH's X-W didn't have a Will, or a Duraable Power of Attorney or anything.  I also could share with you the nightmare that were her last few days because the X-W's "boyfriend" was making her medical decisions and he too is an alcoholic. My DSD is the X-W's only living relative and she still has no voice due to a lack of documents.

Suffice to say this is way more stressful.than it should be and way more stressful than planning a Second Wedding. 

So please ladies make sure you have  a Will. a Living Will or a Durable Power of Attorney.
Report Reply to Post

Re: NWR or Is It?

  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Most states have an official order of next of kin, and adult children always come before "friends" which is what a boyfriend is qualified as, unless they meet common law marriage rules in states with that law. 
    That being said, I wholeheartedly endorse that every couple married or not needs an advance directive and a will. 
    First thing after separating from xH I filled out a advance directive, since we were still married at that point, I wanted to make dang sure he wasn't making any pull-the-plug decisions on my behalf!  ~Donna
    Report Reply
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its

    Done.  It took me a LOT of nagging to get Mr. Hand to sit down and talk about it, but he finally agreed.  And, like Donna above, as soon as I was divorced I put my sisters in charge (my daughter wasn't old enough at the time) and then when I re-married, now he's got the responsibility.   

    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
    Report Reply
  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    If anyone needs help with the conversation, there is a great publication regarding health care decision making written in layman's language.  It's called 5 Wishes, and single copies cost just $5.  http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php/
    We handed them out this year on National Healthcare Decisions Day in April. 
    ~Donna
    Report Reply
  • debbiem56debbiem56
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    Let me add that you also need a Health Care Power of Attorney.  One of my sorority sisters had open heart surgery on Tuesday.  The surgeon called the waiting room from the operating room because they found more damage than they thought and needed to do an additional procedure which doubled the operating time.  Decisions sometimes do have to be made while you are under which are not just whether or not to pull the plug.  Decide now who you want to make those decisions, not when you are being admitted to the hospital and are under a lot of stress.  A very sad ending... she died last night.
    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers image
    Report Reply
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    We still need to do this, and it's so weird that you posted this Ang because I was just thinking about getting this done last night while I was watching Criminal Intent.  I know it's a fictional show but it really hit home about wills etc.
    Report Reply
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Even as next of kin my DSD has been fighting an uphill battle getting that respected, because the "boyfriend" had the X-W make him beneficiary on everything he knew about and he's trying to tell companies that he is the executor of the estate.  
    Report Reply
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    MIkesAng, I suggest you get your DSD an attorney, like yesterday.  A good lawyer can put everything on hold, until it's decided by a judge if this is what she truly wanted, or if she was under duress when signing. 

    Even then, it is the judge's interpretation, but she'd have a fighting chance.  My ex-h's family had an issue in that an aunt had a small vacation home--her first husband died, and although they weren't married, she wanted the boyfriend to live there until he died or decided to move out.  After their mom's death, her kids protested the will.  The judge upheld the will, but went one further, and GAVE the house to him--kids then had no rights to the propeerty.  He remarried, and now it's her house.  What a cluster. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
    Report Reply
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    The DSD has an attorney, and they have a conference call set up for Monday - this was done the same day she found out about the "boyfriend" being the beneficiary. 

    The X-W changed beneficiaries back in 12/2011 so it would be difficult to dispute. 

    OAN: The "boyfriend" and the X-W hadn't left the house for months when she started to decline and they had a booze runner - so the "boyfriend" aided in her demise.  They were also on the outs he was living in his own room and she was waiting to get better so she could kick him out.  Now he's a squatter there is no will so the title cannot be transfered to the DSD, and rent cannot be collected.  

    My DH is on the loan and the bank will come after him for payment when the money runs out of the X-W's account.  She titled the property in her name but refused to assume the loan...  This is a HUGE cluster. 

    On a positive note the DSD is the sole beneficiary on the X-W's life insurance it's not huge but it will cover some of her college costs. 
    Report Reply
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_nwr-or-is-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:0d1f72cb-fa91-4828-8328-f2691546c3d8Post:63527c16-a1b2-4b8f-a0a5-250e54fd4c78">Re: NWR or Is It?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If anyone needs help with the conversation, there is a great publication regarding health care decision making written in layman's language.  It's called 5 Wishes, and single copies cost just $5.  <a href="http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php/" rel="nofollow">http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php/</a> We handed them out this year on National Healthcare Decisions Day in April.  ~Donna  Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

    Let me heartily agree, the 5 Wishes is a <strong>wonderful</strong> tool.  It helped with the conversations I needed to have last year with my dad during the last few months of his life. 

    Having borne the burden of signing my sister's DNR over 18 years ago with just 3 days from the time her bf called us about her hospitalization to the time I signed it (she died less than 8 hours later), I am a big fan of being prepared.  I am convinced there is nothing worse than staring at an unconscious loved one and having the responsibility to make a truly life-ending decision on her behalf without having had a conversation about it. I know I made the right decision for her; I carried deep, deep guilt about it for almost 10 years. Ten years is a long, long time to feel like sh*t.

    Yup ... have the conversations.  Practice with friends.  Talk about different scenarios.  Do it.

    Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your post, Angie, but this is such an important topic you've brought up that I just wanted to re-emphasize the great points you made.
    Report Reply
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Lisa, you didn't hijack the post!  Thank you for re-emphasizing the importance of being prepared. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards