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trouble with my soon to be mother in law

mfornal3709mfornal3709
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
my fiance and I have been together for three and a half years. Me and his mother have never gotten along. He doesnt even like her! Shes a witch and was a terrible mother during his childhood. We have two years untill we start serious planning, seeing as I am starting my associates degree this fall. The real question is, how do we go after this situation, neither of us like her, so do we have to include her in the planning, and do we have to allow her to walk down the isle with my parents and the bridesmaids and groomsmen? I'd rather she wasn't there but its the only way his younger brother will be allowed to attend.
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Re: trouble with my soon to be mother in law

  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    An above all, let your FI handle any conversations with her.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    You don't have to include your FMIL in the wedding planning if she is not contributing to the budget. If you don't want her input, turn down any money that she offers.

    The details of the procession do not have be worked out until right before the wedding.Usually, the mothers are seated before the procession starts, with the MOB being the last person seated before the wedding party starts down the aisle. The MOG is seated before the MOB.

    Your fi should be the one to decide whether or not he will have a relationship with his mother. You should follow his lead.
                       
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2012
    Agree with the others that this should all be our FI's call and you need to follow his lead.  don't accept any money, and then she won't have any say in your plans.

    Something to remember - think she is a witch now?  Try inviting her to the wedding and then not having her in the parent's processional.  You will give her enough ammunition to use against you guys for years and you will publicly embarrass her.  Your guests WILL talk about this at the reception, I promise.  That is a public snub.

    If you do choose to invite her, throw her a corsage, let her walk down the aisle ahead of your mom, and be done with it.  It won't affect the beauty or quality of your wedding and will add a tiny bit of peace because you didn't start a war about a flower and when she was seated.

    I wish you luck.  Toxic people are an unfortunate lot to be stuck with.
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  • mfornal3709mfornal3709
    First Comment
    i appreciate all the suggestions, my fiance and i have talked about it and although we have time to make final decisions, i am a planner and like to have the fundementals done asap so i can worry about location and such without other problems being unsolved, so we are going to include her in the actual wedding and thats it. he would rather i handle her then him. unless something major happens with her and us in the next year she will be in our wedding just to eliminate possible problems. :)
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trouble-with-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:17b19871-b752-4ce7-b8de-8895c60921caPost:aa03ace3-bed6-422e-a87e-0a7e23a7e7c4">Re: trouble with my soon to be mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]i appreciate all the suggestions, my fiance and i have talked about it and although we have time to make final decisions, i am a planner and like to have the fundementals done asap so i can worry about location and such without other problems being unsolved, so we are going to include her in the actual wedding and thats it.<strong> he would rather i handle her then him. </strong>unless something major happens with her and us in the next year she will be in our wedding just to eliminate possible problems. :)
    Posted by mfornal3709[/QUOTE]

    WHAT? Oh, he sounds awesome. My mom sucks, so you deal with her because I don't want to. Charming, really. Does he always push all the unpleasant duties of his life on you?
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trouble-with-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:17b19871-b752-4ce7-b8de-8895c60921caPost:803daf79-46f5-49f8-8f50-d49e2284c1f4">trouble with my soon to be mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]my fiance and I have been together for three and a half years. Me and his mother have never gotten along. He doesnt even like her! Shes a witch and was a terrible mother during his childhood. We have two years untill we start serious planning, seeing as I am starting my associates degree this fall. The real question is, how do we go after this situation, neither of us like her, so do we have to include her in the planning, and do we have to allow her to walk down the isle with my parents and the bridesmaids and groomsmen? I'd rather she wasn't there but its the only way his younger brother will be allowed to attend.
    Posted by mfornal3709[/QUOTE]
    Report Reply
  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_trouble-with-my-soon-to-be-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:17b19871-b752-4ce7-b8de-8895c60921caPost:aa03ace3-bed6-422e-a87e-0a7e23a7e7c4">Re: trouble with my soon to be mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]i appreciate all the suggestions, my fiance and i have talked about it and although we have time to make final decisions, i am a planner and like to have the fundementals done asap so i can worry about location and such without other problems being unsolved, so we are going to include her in the actual wedding and thats it. <strong>he would</strong> <strong>rather</strong> <strong>i</strong> <strong>handle her</strong> then him. unless something major happens with her and us in the next year she will be in our wedding just to eliminate possible problems. :)
    Posted by mfornal3709[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like some man you are marrying.  wtf!??!!?!?  If DH ever told me that he'd rather I handle someone on his side of the family, that would be the start of one hell of an argument.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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