Nervous about Engaged Encounter weekend with non religious fiancé!

Re: Nervous about Engaged Encounter weekend with non religious fiancé!

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  samurai21

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I would have a hard time convincing someone to attend a retreat for a religion that I myself no longer practice. I'm going to assume that your mother is paying for the wedding and that's why you feel forced.
  
  I hope that your FI will respect you enough to bit his tongue and attempt to be open to the experience. Not all of the retreats are so religion focused as much as marriage and relationship focused.
  

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  kmg977 member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  My fiance and I just took the engagement encounter this weekend actually.  I am converting to Catholic and my fiance is super Catholic (which is not a bad thing). I felt like the engagement enounter of course focused on faith, but it really focuses on a number of non religious things too.  Mainly we talked a lot about different family backgounds, financial decisions (finances were a HUGE topic) and finally some things about faith.  I would address what faith you plan on raising your children as with your fiance (if you havn't already).  That is something that could come up and you two should have discussed by then.  It also talks about how important the sacrament of marriage is to the Church and to the couples.  This could be a part that he feels uncomfortable because it focuses on how God bonds you two together.  I would explain to him that it is important to you and your family to get married in a Catholic Church and that he should keep an open mind at the engagement enounter.  Also if the only reason you are having a Catholic wedding is to make your mother happy, you should rethink it.  If you two are not taking the sacrament of marriage INSIDE the Catholic Church seriously, maybe a non-relgious ceremony is more appropriate. Your mother may be religious, but if you two arn't the Church does not see it as right to get married in the church, and it could be seen as disrespectful if you don't plan on beng active in your faith and raising your children Catholic.  Just something to think about, I know it's a tough decision..Good luck!!!

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  mbcdefg member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  My FI grumbled a bit about having to go to Pre-Cana (we went to a one-day session, not Engaged Encounter), but he got a lot out of it and he really participated willingly in all of the activities.
  
  He wasn't thrilled about the Mass at the end - I attend weekly whereas he just comes with me on Christmas and Easter - but he did it without complaint.
  
  He said afterward that it was not nearly as boring or tedious as he thought it would be. Of course, a lot of this centers around the leader couples we had, but he pretty much enjoyed all of it. ("Enjoyed" in the sense that he did the activities and thought they were worthwhile, not "enjoyed" in the same way he'd like watching a football game and drinking a beer :P)

  

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  It will be a good experience for you both. We just attended our EE weekend a few weekends ago (we are both Catholic), and it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Many of the things we had already discussed, but the best advice I have for you both is to go into it with an open heart and mind so you can benefit from what they have to say. The presenters on our weekend reinterated several times, Christian marriage and things like that, trying to include those from other faiths that were either converting or were not and just marrying a Catholic person. I was a little skeptical at first as well, but my FI asked me to go into it with an open heart and mind, and I did, and it was a good experience overall. I think you will learn a lot. Good Luck!

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  kmm2150

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  My husband is Catholic, I was raised protestant and while I totally respect his faith and others' religious beliefs, I am often made uncomfortable by organized religion, and was pretty nervous for our Engaged Encounter. 
  
  I had no troubles whatsoever - the encounter we went to focused much more on you as  a couple discussing and recognizing each other's beliefs and values, and where those fit into your marriage and your future family, than telling you what to do or think or making the many non-Catholics present feel singled out or pressured to convert.
  
  I echo the suggestions to talk to your fiance' about your concerns beforehand, tell him that you hope he'll keep the purpose of the day in mind - helping the two of you to prepare for marriage - and not let any particular differences he has with the church get under his skin. 
  

  
  

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  mauriciotinio member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  i went to ee in november.  there were several non-catholic couples who attended (surprisingly) and our priest who hosted the weekend said it wasnt being held for the purpose of converting others or even about making us who were catholic more devoted to the church.  he emphasized that the weekend was mostly for communicating with your fi and sharing your thoughts on topics that many might not discuss until after getting married.
  
  the veteran couples who presented did mini prayers over us during a brief unity candle thing on the 2nd night and honestly that was the most "religious" that ours got. 
  
  initially we went into it hesitant, kind of cocky like, man i have things to do! and more obligated than anything but afterwards, we were both so glad we invested the time (and money!).
  
  check out my posts about our ee:
  www.ryanlovesmarj.com/search/label/engaged%20encounter" target="_blank">http://www.ryanlovesmarj.com/search/label/engaged%20encounter
  
  hope this helps and hope you have fun! 

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