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Not Engaged Yet
So.....
My boyfriend wants to ask my dad for my hand in marriage but we dont live close together, like down the road. My boyfriend Trav lives 3 hrs away. I read online that the BF has to meet the Dad in person to talk things over.
To meet in person is sticky since of the timing/distance, what if my bf were to send an email or text message to my Dad in asking for hand in marriage????
Is that acceptable in the world today??
Any feed back on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!
To meet in person is sticky since of the timing/distance, what if my bf were to send an email or text message to my Dad in asking for hand in marriage????
Is that acceptable in the world today??
Any feed back on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!
~Forever and Always
Travis & Andrea
9/23/08 ~
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So.....
BFP#2 12/18/12- EDD 8/31/13 First U/S- 6w4d HB 124! Second U/S- 10w2d HB 178!! Grow baby, grow! NT Scan Scheduled for 2/20/13.
[QUOTE]My boyfriend wants to ask my dad for my hand in marriage but we dont live close together, like down the road. My boyfriend Trav lives 3 hrs away. I read online that the BF has to meet the Dad in person to talk things over. To meet in person is sticky since of the timing/distance, what if my bf were to send an email or text message to my Dad in asking for hand in marriage???? Is that acceptable in the world today?? Any feed back on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]
<div>Well, your BF doesn't HAVE to ask your dad for anything. My FI didn't "ask" anyone if he could marry me. He did, however, call my mom to let her know that he had the ring and was going to propose soon. </div><div>
</div><div>Edited to make sense.</div>
If ANYTHING other than a meeting in person, it would be done in a phone call, not over text, and even that is less than optimal. FI and I drove 5 hours to get my parents' blessing together, so it is doable. You just have to coordinate lunch with your parents.
This isn't what you asked for advice about, but if your BF is asking for permission, have you thought about what you're going to do if your dad doesn't give it?
Also, how old are you?
ETA: I wouldn't recommend asking for permission either. If you're mature enough to be getting married, you're mature enough to be making your own decision about it. (What I did was more a "hey, this is our plan, how do you feel about that?")
[QUOTE]Really? You want your BF to textmessage your father about your marriage ? If ANYTHING other than a meeting in person, it would be done in a phone call, not over text, and even that is less than optimal. FI and I drove 5 hours to get my parents' blessing together, so it is doable. You just have to coordinate lunch with your parents. This isn't what you asked for advice about, but if your BF is asking for permission, have you thought about what you're going to do if your dad doesn't give it? Also, how old are you?
Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]
<strong><font color="#000080">Im 26, going on 27
</font></strong>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So..... : Im 26, going on 27
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]
I find this hard to believe.
Also, you didn't answer the question of what you're going to do if your dad says no.
[QUOTE]<strong>You read online. .. so you haven't the mind of your own to make your own choice?</strong> Do you want your BF to ask your dad? That would be the first thing I asked myself. I personally did not want my FI to ask for permission to marry me, like PP I felt it was a very antiquated tradition. If, for some reason he cannot drive 3 hours to ask your dad in person, then a phone call would be the next best thing. <strong>Also, don't feel the need to leave out important punctuation while over using it in other areas. It makes it hard to take your question seriously.</strong>
Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]
This and this. You need to decide if it is important that your BF asks your father for his blessing. Do you think it would be important to your father? This has nothing to do with what other couples do or what is "widely accepted."
[QUOTE]Im taking this as every one is calling me dumb for asking this question... NM then.
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]
How so? You asked if we thought it was okay to text your dad. We told you no. Your question was answered.
Any additional comments have been more directed on the actual asking of the question in general and whether it's something that's really important to you, or if you feel you have to. Normally, people are either all for the tradition, or completely against it. If you are all for it, then generally you'd make the effort to do it the traditional way (in person), but since you asked how to do it differently, it makes people think that maybe you are ambivalent to it, in which case I'd suggest just not doing it at all over doing it over the phone.
There's nothing wrong with it either way, just offering the suggestion that it's not really necessary at all, so don't feel pressured into doing it if you can't do it 'correctly'.
2. "~Forver and Always Travis & Andrea 9/23/08 ~" What is a "forver" ?
I don't see 3 hours driving as a distance that makes it impossible for your BF to ask in person if that is what the two of you would like.
[QUOTE]I would hope that my boyfriend would at least CALL my dad and ask. Not email or text him. This is only as a last resort because my family is totally traditional.
Posted by JordanL1221[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this, calling your dad seems like the best option if he wants to ask.
</div>
I don't understand the whole 'read it online' thing. He doesn't have to ask your dad anything. It is a nice gesture, sure, and if it's something you both want--great. Sending a text message or e-mail is disrespectful, IMO. Why can't he simply drive 3 hours or maybe even make a phone call?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So..... : Im 26, going on 27
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that's typically the orders in which those numbers go.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So..... : Yeah, that's typically the orders in which those numbers go.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]
<div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9nji5A9-R0&feature=related" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9nji5A9-R0&feature=related</a></div><div>
</div><div>Rolf and Liesl verify that 16 is in fact going on 17... might have to get some extra verification of 26 going on 27.</div>
Now the reason why I asked this question was because I didnt know with the way society is now, begin in 2012 its not like in the olden days. I guess some things still apply as in family wishes.
Thanks for all the feedback!
[QUOTE]Hi hi, not to swim against the current but either way is good. Its your engagement, no one else's so do it the way you feel is right. I think if the distance is truly a problem, a call would be good. BTW, Congrats!!!!!!
Posted by FreeSpirit666[/QUOTE]
<strong><font color="#000080">Thank you FreeSpirit666!!: Im glad someone here agrees with me for once. </font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000080">I guess it my mistake for asking such a quesion and get bashed about it here on TheKnot , I really though id get postive feedback, not bashing so with that, im not posting anymore and to BriSox81, I just made a lil mistake in my siggy, ok? No need to point it out for everyone to see and make a big deal about it.. thanks.</font></strong> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" /></p>