WWSBD (really stupid lame ass question)

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2012

So when I was dating my ex (for like, six years) I became really good friends with his best friend's gf. We are still good friends to this day. She and my ex's best friend got engaged a couple summers ago and this summer is their wedding.

I got a FB invitation (like to gather addresses for invites) to their wedding last week and DUH, my ex is also invited to the wedding. He might even be in the wedding party for all I know. I haven't seen him in about two years, but as most of you know, we did NOT part on good terms at all. I left my boyfriend because I was still carrying a damn torch for Ben from when we dated in high school, and I kept that from my ex until a few months after we broke up. He was really pissed because he was trying to get me back and trying to change things, blah blah. It was just a mess. (yeah, I suck, but whatever)

I am completely fine around all of my ex's friends and I'm not worried about seeing any of them. But I'm just overly worried about being at the same place he is. My ex hates Ben and told me if he ever saw us together it would make him sick. I don't think he'd cause a scene, but I just imagine things being really uncomfortable. For me and for Ben.

I really want to be there for my friend. I'm genuinely happy for her and Ben gets along with her too. I just don't know if I want to go and subject myself and my husband, and even my ex to awkwardness.

Tell me I'm thinking this to death. Or tell me anything.

Girlie1030 · April 2012

I think I would hope that in the 2 years since you've seen him he's accepted things and moved on and there won't be any problems at the wedding, and I'd plan to go.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwsbd-really-stupid-lame-ass-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ce63bd43-4d1b-426c-af4a-8d3e79eb16f7Post:08a9de84-c766-4a55-b79b-79e870b4f43a">Re: WWSBD (really stupid lame ass question)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I would hope that in the 2 years since you've seen him he's accepted things and moved on and there won't be any problems at the wedding, and I'd plan to go.
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

I would think so too. In fact I am pretty sure he has. For some reason I just think about being in the same place as him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

So yeah, I'm 12

Girlie1030 · April 2012

Oh, I get that. I worked with my ex-fiance (and the girl involved in our break up) and it was still uncomfortable 4 years later. Hopefully it's a good sized wedding and there will be plenty of other guests so that you will barely have to see him.

kd.joseph · April 2012

I agree with Girlie and JCB. I would hope he would be a grown-up and moved on by now.

I'd just go and have fun. Let me just say we were worried about my H's ex-wife when their daughter got married, but it was fine. We each stayed in our neutral corners and no one made a scene.

september's bride · April 2012

I'd go.

When my ex and I broke up and I started dating H, my ex told me I was making the biggest mistake EVER and that he'd make sure all our mutual friends felt the same way (and blah, blah, you get the idea). That was almost 10 years ago, and he carried his blowtorch-of-rage against me for about 8 years.

Fast forward to two summers ago when my best friend got married. I had started dating H ages before, and he had become super good friends with BF's fiancé. He asked both my ex and H (then fiancé) to be in the wedding party, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. So, I walked down the aisle to see both my fiancé and idiot ex standing next to each other at the altar, next to the groom. Gross.

Long story short - it's all good now, and actually, ex and H and I are all on decent terms. The thing is, if you really want to be there for your friend, you should be. Your friendship with her is waaaay more important than your ex's stupid grudge, and if he can't get past your history by now...well...that's his problem and not yours. Go, have a wonderful time, and don't worry about him.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2012

Ugh you are so right sept. Haha, and my ex said the same exact thing (about making the biggest mistake ever, blah blah).

polichik · April 2012

AATB, you can't help it that you're such a hot commodity! But seriously, folks, I would think that two years would be a good amount of time for him to get over it. I think it's thoughtful that you're concerned about how everyone will handle it, but I'm sure it will be fine. Your friend will clearly have enough sense to seat you guys at different tables, so interaction should be pretty minimal, right?

cheeseandrice · April 2012

Go. Seriously. It's your friend. If your ex is still the douche he was when you broke up, that's his problem.

And, the ex? Honestly, I'd use that as a reason TO go just to spite him.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2012

Yeah I would hope interactions would be minimal. My ex said some stuff to me that still kinda stings to this day, or at the very least just still makes me all like, wtf? Like when I told him I was getting with Ben, he was like "Well you know he's a Republican, right?" As if that would have anything to do with me wanting to date him. He also told me that he didn't think I was going to be as good of a Christian if I was dating him, and after I'd been dating Ben like two months he was like "I bet you've slept with him already." WTF, guy? fuckoff.

I broke up with him three years ago this summer, and I haven't seen him for the past two - when I saw him it was right after I'd unfriended him on FB (because I just figured, I was moving on, he didn't need to see wedding shiit on fb) and he was still really awkward around me. I ran into him at the Pita Pit and I haven't seen him since. Well, I saw him in there once a few months ago but I turned around and left, lol. He just sucks.

I think I obviously am fretting about how it will make me feel but I'm also just overly concerned about Ben too. Like I do want to go to the wedding, but I'm wondering how it will make him feel to go to a wedding where he might be potentially put in this awkward sitch. Which I obviously have to talk to him about.

And I'm writing a lot.

Megbo2012 · April 2012

This your friend's wedding. I don't think ex's feelings should be even taken into consideration. She wants you all there, so go. If Ben feels uncomfortable that that's different, but he won, so he should be fine.

I'm an ass, but whatever. I would go and rub it in his face.

...Or I would say I was going to and then somewhat avoid him the whole time.

specialk84 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wwsbd-really-stupid-lame-ass-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ce63bd43-4d1b-426c-af4a-8d3e79eb16f7Post:085eb0f3-6096-43bb-aca8-40e66ba7ba72">Re: WWSBD (really stupid lame ass question)</a>:
[QUOTE]This your friend's wedding. I don't think ex's feelings should be even taken into consideration. She wants you all there, so go. If Ben feels uncomfortable that that's different, but he won, so he should be fine. I'm an ass, but whatever. I would go and rub it in his face. ...Or I would say I was going to and then somewhat avoid him the whole time.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

<div>This. If you guys did want to rub it in, you could act like the happiest married couple ever and ignore your ex.</div>

SarahPLiz · April 2012

Go, with Ben, and just deal with it. Put your friend's happiness over potential awkwardness that might not even happen, with someone you despise. If you don't go, just to avoid him, then you are giving him control over your life and your friendships...

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2012

Well if we go I think "rubbing it in" would be kinda... lame. I don't want to rub it in. I just want to go and have a good time and hopefully not even know that this guy is there.

If you guys haven't figured this out about me already (lol) I am one of those people who completely blows harmless situations totally out of proportion. When we go to this wedding I will be silently freaking out when in fact there is nothing to freak out about. I think about all the things that COULD possibly happen, but none of them will. In fact I'm sure the wedding will come and go without incident.

My mind just races

I should just get sauced in the parking lot before the wedding. Calm my ass down a bit.

Megbo2012 · April 2012

Right. I always used to say I'd go to rub it in FI's bitchy ex's face but I never actually did. But seriously don't not go because you are worried, that's just dumb. You shouldn't let your past dictate the present.

chelseamb11 · April 2012

Well firstly, if Ben said he'd be upset, you might want to be sure he's okay being within 50 feet of your ex. Granted, you have no plans on even interacting with him, but there's still the possibility of a few minutes of small talk.

However, I feel like the same old TK party line we normaly give brides will fit well here: You probably won't even notice he's there. There will be tons of people there and you can have a blast dancing and drinking and eating.

If your ex is still upset 3 years later, he's an asshole. He should be appreciative you didn't drag it out and if he ever cared abouty ou, he should be happy for you that you are happy, even though it's not with him.

WWSBD (really stupid lame ass question)

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