Pre-wedding Parties

When do you have an engagement party and what do I need?

We got engaged a week ago, and he proposed to me at my bakery. So I'd like the have the engagement party at my bakery, but I don't know when the engagement party is supposed to happen. I also don't really know what happens at an engagement party. Hell, I don't know anything about an engagement party. So I have a lot of questions I hope you can answer.

Other than music, nibbles, and champagne, what would I need to provide? Do I decorate? How long should I wait to throw it? What do I wear? What sort of entertainment do I have? How many people and who do I invite? What else do I need to know?
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Re: When do you have an engagement party and what do I need?

  • From what I understand you aren't supposed to host your own engagement party.  Also, if someone does happen to offer, invite only people who you know will be invited to the wedding!

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  • You shouldn't do anything because it's bad etiquette to host your own e party.
     
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  • Engagement parties aren't required. We didn't have one, and I have never attended one either. I know in some circles it's common, but they are definitely not something you have to do.

    Like others have said, you shouldn't be hosting your own e-party anyways. If someone else OFFERS to throw you one, that's fine and they'll probably ask for your input. If no one offers, you don't have one.


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  • Engagement parties are something that should be hosted for you by a friend ir family member, never thrown for yourself. Which means you should have an e party if and when someone offers to host one, and not otherwise. Also important is that everyone invited to an e party, or ANY prewedding party such as a shower, must be invited to the wedding. Typically, whoever offers to host the e party will ask you for a copy of your wedding guest list, or a guest list for the e party. If there are any doubts about whether, say, you're going to elope, you should hold off on having an e party until you're sure, so you can manage the guest list properly. One question we get a lot is if you should register for an e party. The answer is probably no. In most circles, e parties are not gift giving events. If they ARE gift giving events in your circle, you will know that already and can make registry decisions based on that.
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    What PPs have said, but there's nothing wrong with having a party that isn't wedding related if you would like to get all of your friends and family together. 
  • I don't entirely agree with these posts. I am planning MY own e-party. No one offered. We are having a family only wedding. We can't afford to have all of our friends come to the wedding. However, we still would like to include them in the engagement/wedding. That's why we are having an e-party. Its a chance to have our friends come together and help celebrate with us. We aren't expecting any gifts. We have been open to your friends that we are having a family only wedding.

    As far as our food at the e-party, we are having a local BBQ place cater. As far as decorations, just real simple party decor, nothing too over the top. I'm not expecting my friends to bring gifts; they do, then great, if not, it won't hurt my feelings.

    It's YOUR wedding, you don't have to follow rules or follow what its correct and what's not. Ultimately you and your FI should do what makes you happy! :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_when-do-you-have-an-engagement-party-and-what-do-i-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:89078562-5a8f-40d0-a254-8357b196e360Post:20610888-c0d6-4ab4-a5bc-9662a91b0925">Re: When do you have an engagement party and what do I need?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't entirely agree with these posts. I am planning MY own e-party. No one offered. We are having a family only wedding. We can't afford to have all of our friends come to the wedding. However, we still would like to include them in the engagement/wedding. </strong>That's why we are having an e-party. Its a chance to have our friends come together and help celebrate with us. We aren't expecting any gifts. We have been open to your friends that we are having a family only wedding. As far as our food at the e-party, we are having a local BBQ place cater. As far as decorations, just real simple party decor, nothing too over the top. I'm not expecting my friends to bring gifts; they do, then great, if not, it won't hurt my feelings.<strong> It's YOUR wedding, you don't have to follow rules or follow what its correct and what's not. Ultimately you and your FI should do what makes you happy! :)</strong>
    Posted by heathernmatt07[/QUOTE]

    Well then you are commiting many etiquette sins.

    1) You shouldn't throw your own party
    2) Even worse- everyone invited to the e party must be invited to the wedding.  It's rude to invite people to the e party and not the wedding.

    OP please do not listen to this rude and tacky advice. 
     
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  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    It may be OP's wedding, but as soon as she invites others it ceases to be all about her. 

    Heathernmatt, why not skip the e-party and use that money to host all your loved ones at your wedding, if that's why you're throwing an e-party in the first place?
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_when-do-you-have-an-engagement-party-and-what-do-i-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:89078562-5a8f-40d0-a254-8357b196e360Post:20610888-c0d6-4ab4-a5bc-9662a91b0925">Re: When do you have an engagement party and what do I need?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't entirely agree with these posts. I am planning MY own e-party. No one offered. We are having a family only wedding. We can't afford to have all of our friends come to the wedding. However, we still would like to include them in the engagement/wedding. That's why we are having an e-party. Its a chance to have our friends come together and help celebrate with us. We aren't expecting any gifts. We have been open to your friends that we are having a family only wedding. As far as our food at the e-party, we are having a local BBQ place cater. As far as decorations, just real simple party decor, nothing too over the top. I'm not expecting my friends to bring gifts; they do, then great, if not, it won't hurt my feelings. <strong>It's YOUR wedding, you don't have to follow rules or follow what its correct and what's not. Ultimately you and your FI should do what makes you happy! :)</strong>
    Posted by heathernmatt07[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Committing etiquette sins tends to strain relationships.  So you should probably consider whether it's worth insulting your friends if you go this route.  Just because it's your wedding doesn't give you an excuse to be a terrible host.  Even if someone else is paying for it, you still need to be considerate of all the guests.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_when-do-you-have-an-engagement-party-and-what-do-i-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:89078562-5a8f-40d0-a254-8357b196e360Post:20610888-c0d6-4ab4-a5bc-9662a91b0925">Re: When do you have an engagement party and what do I need?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't entirely agree with these posts. I am planning MY own e-party. No one offered. We are having a family only wedding. We can't afford to have all of our friends come to the wedding. However, we still would like to include them in the engagement/wedding. That's why we are having an e-party. Its a chance to have our friends come together and help celebrate with us. We aren't expecting any gifts. We have been open to your friends that we are having a family only wedding. As far as our food at the e-party, we are having a local BBQ place cater. As far as decorations, just real simple party decor, nothing too over the top. I'm not expecting my friends to bring gifts; they do, then great, if not, it won't hurt my feelings. It's YOUR wedding, you don't have to follow rules or follow what its correct and what's not. Ultimately you and your FI should do what makes you happy! :)
    Posted by heathernmatt07[/QUOTE]
    So you can afford to host an engagement party, but not have them at your wedding?  Why not skip the e party, and use the money to have your friends at your wedding?  I'm just trying to understand your thought process...
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  • It don't believe we are being rude or committing etiquette sins as some of you like to put it. We have been open to our friends about us having a family only wedding, therefore we aren't hurting feelings or being rude. I believe being rude would be to invite them to an e-party and not being open about not inviting friends to the wedding and making them think they will recieve a wedding invite. We aren't planning on spending a whole lot of money on the e-party anyway. It's just going to be a backyard pool party. Nothing lavish or over the top, so don't tell me to save the money from having an e-party and invite friends to the wedding when we are having a very inexpensive e-party. No one in our family or friends has mention that they are insulted, they completely understand that weddings are obvisiously expensive and are just happy to celebrate with us any way that they can. Our family and friends love us and are happy for us and have no hurt feelings. Therefore, we are not insulting anyone. I feel sorry for you if your friends or family wouldn't understand this.
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