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Just Engaged and Proposals

The Awkwardness of Being Young and Engaged

He proposed to me on my 19th birthday. I've always been a very traditional person (though a bit offbeat) and unlike my friends, who are waiting until far later in life to tie the knot, I did not bat an eye at being proposed to at such a "young" age. 

Some backstory: I've lived on my own for three years now. A year ago I moved in with my fiance. We were very close friends who always wanted to date each other, but couldn't because we lived very far away and he was also five years older than me. A couple of years ago, we decided that we would give the relationship a serious shot. The agreement was that if we could not see ourselves marrying each other, we would end the relationship. Up until that point, we had both been seeing other people and our other relationships never really worked out. After agreeing to commit to each other, things took off fast. We moved in last spring (more out of practicality than anything else), continued to do great, and last December he proposed. My family was ecstatic. His family took some time to warm up, but after they did they were just as happy for us. 

 Everything was great. We decided on a long engagement (pushing the wedding to fall of 2012) and took the time to relax. My friends were happy for me, my family was, and I thought everything was going to turn out handy-dandy. 

Then the grocery store cashier incident occured. A lady on her thirties saw my ring, and asked me straight up if I was pregnant. When I said no, she looked baffled and said "what are you getting married for, then!?". She was only the first in a long line of people waiting to criticize me, tell me to wait, accuse me of being pregnant or trying to get pregnant, and much more. I expected some hesitation from people because I'm younger than a lot of other brides, but I did not expect to have people repeatedly make jabs at my own personal business like that. 

Cashiers, sales associates at bridal boutiques, acquaintences who I no longer talk to, and people from high school. Rumors circulated about my personal business. People saw my ring and raised eyebrows at me, and whenever I mentioned on an online forum that I was engaged everyone felt the need to say "no need to rush things". 

My marriage is between me, my future husband, and God. It's a serious covenant that I do not intend to rush into. We attend premarital counseling every other week, and our pastor certainly seems to think we're ready. 

I've had some great support in the past few weeks from complete strangers, which has really lifted my spirits. I'm very thankful to God for the support I'm getting, because without it I think I would be going nuts. 

I'm in the minority. Not many other women my age are Christians, and even less of them intend to marry any time soon. I am completely comfortable going down the path God has chosen for me, and I know it's going to be hard as nails to do so. I lift my head, try to smile at as many people I can, and try not to let negativity get to me so much anymore. When complete strangers criticize me, it gets awkward, but I smile and laugh it off. I hope the other brides on here do the same! (If you're still even reading this)

Christian, Atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, Magician, Agnostic, or whichever type of bride you are, you deserve to be happy about your wedding day! Don't let other people come between you and your marriage. 

It's been really awkward for me, and I hope that in the future other brides like me feel a lot less alone. Can anybody else relate to my situation?

I'd like to hear your stories. 

Re: The Awkwardness of Being Young and Engaged

  • I'm 21, and recently engaged. I also get a lot of the "you're so young" looks and comments. We are having a long engagement too (wedding in 2013!). Me and my fiance have lived together for 3 years already, and no one really knows the seriousness of our relationship except us. 

    I personally know that I can't judge you and your relationship, only you and your fiance know the deepness of your relationship. Remember, only you know if you are ready to be engaged and get married :] Don't forget that the people who judge you, are probably the ones who don't even know you <3
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  • I'm one of those people who try to tell my little cousins to wait to marry, not because it's what I did, but because I've seen all of my friends who did get married younger divorce (seriously everyone who married under 25) and go through fights over the house/car and custody battles ect.

    That said, you sound very mature. You sound like you know what you want out of life and with your future husband. You know that any relationship is work and are willing to put it in. You've lived on your own and seem able to make decisions on how to best support yourself. I think you have every right to say "how is that any of your business?" when someone says "you seem awful young to be engaged".  In fact, it might just prove how strong and mature you are to NOT take an insult like that laying down. Dont be rude, say it with a nice tone and a smile :)

    I feel bad that youre not getting the "CONGRATULATIONS!! LET ME SEE THE RING!!" that I got over and over. So congratulations on you engagement!! Post your ring in the ring thread!!

    Charity

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  • I see where you're coming from. I was engaged at 21 and we had an almost 3 year engagement. We were together 5 years when we got engaged so we knew it was right. A lot of our friends and family were very supportive of our decision, but people who didn't know us gave us a little grief. I as well look very young... like I could still be in high school so that didn't help much either.

    Just ignore those comments. You know that what you are doing is the right thing.
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  • I'm so sorry people have been getting so much flack from people!  I'm only 1 week engaged, so I haven't told many people and haven't had any rude reactions yet. 

    Let's hope no one ever does that to me-- I'll take a hint from LucyHC.  I will call them out on their rude load of crap!  As if someone who has known me for 5 minutes knows my relationship better than I, who have lived every moment of my relationship.  Ooooh, I would get so livid.  

    Anyway, congratulations on your engagement.  
  • I can't believe people are acting that way toward you! That is extremely rude! I got engaged on my 22nd birthday (my FI was 24), and we never had any problems with people thinking we were too young. 4 of our friends were already engaged when we got engaged, so maybe everyone was just used to the idea.

    Just ignore the bad comments and focus on your real friends and families who are being supportive!
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  • That is highly rude of people to assume that if you are young and engaged that you are pregnant but alas with all the wonderful reality shows out there I guess that has helped our culture believe in that...dumb but people are stupid.

    I don't think anything is wrong with getting married young.  I feel like if two people are happy and in love then go for it.  I think it is great that you are able to support yourself and are not relying on your parents or anyone else to support you (financially speaking).  I have read so many threads about how individuals will have to live with their parents while they save money to move out etc etc that it hurts my head.  I feel like the only real "requirement" so to speak prior to getting married is to be somewhat financially stable and on the same page financially with your SO.  Money is the root of all evil in relationships and without that being solid most likely the marriage will fall apart.

    Good luck to you and your wedding/marriage.  For all those who criticize you just ignore them because they are probably just bitter.

  • I didn't bother to read anyone else replies but I felt strongly about replying to this.

    I am 22 years old and engaged to be married also in the fall of 2012.

    I can't say I have had the exact same response from people because I am a bit older and people always assume I am even older (normally I get 29, 30) but I do get what you're saying about it being between you, your fiance and God. Myself and my fiance (who is 11 years older than me) are Catholic and take our faith seriously. Most people our age are consummed by today's society and the notion that love no longer exists. Before, it was normal for women our age to be married and even to start having children. People are so wrapped up in their lives and worried that they wont be able to experience live to the fullest if they tie themselves down at an early age, but the fact of the matter is that not everyone is the same.

    Please do not let what other people think bother you. You have it exactly right about it being no one else's business but your own. 

    We cannot control when we meet the right person and there is no reason to stall if you both feel that you're ready for the comittment.

    Message me if you need someone to vent to from one young bride to another :):)
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  • I will be 21 in a week and 22 by my wedding day...

    You can say I have two strikes against me when it comes to my engagement: being young and not knowing my fiance for atleast a year but I agree on the simple fact that ONLY YOU KNOW WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU!
    I have a long year and 3months til my wedding and 5 months before we move in together (and being born and raised in the christian faith this becomes another strike against me when it comes to my peers). 
    Originally I considered eloping expecting to be critized  but God made it clear that he wanted us to wait and do it with our family and close friends around for love and support (specially being that I am VERY family orientated). I am excited not only about our marriage but for the fact that in my soul I feel like God has prepared me just for this Man.
    I said all of this just to say : Stay stronge in the face of adversity, for even the lightest of touch can make a riple in an ocean ^_^
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