Another bar question...

vikingmom806 · March 2012

I've seen a lot of posts regarding the cash bar/open bar/drink ticket debate. I've been to some weddings with open bars, some weddings with no alcohol, and where I'm from in Iowa, most people have the drink tickets (between 2 and 5) handed out to each guest of age. Water, pop, iced tea, etc. are normally offered free (or unlimited amounts for a fairly reasonable price) with the venues in my area.

That being said, the venue my reception will be at is on a golf course. The banquet hall where my reception will be is connected to the main restaurant/bar/club house through glass doors. There is no bar in my reception area, but the golf course's bar will be open at the time of my reception, because the golf course is open 7 days a week, from early in the morning till about 1 or 2 am (it's not over crowded or anything like that...this is small-town Iowa...about 10,000 people live in my hometown).

The golf course typically has bride's choose one of the three options for handling alcohol:

1. Provide a full open bar.

2. Provide drink tickets so people get a certain amount of alcoholic drinks free, and are on their own after they spend their tickets.

3. Have no alcohol provided - BUT this won't be able to stop people from simply going over to the room the bar is in and buying the alcohol themselves if they want it.

I can't afford a full open bar, so which option do you think is the most appropriate given the circumstances, proper ettiquette, and "the way things are done" where I live?

Thanks much!

myname1234 · March 2012

Things are done that way in MN too, but regional norms still are rude.

If you can't do a full open bar, ask them for a wine/beer bar.
If they cant' do that and you can't afford the alcohol, go dry.

I'd avoid Option 2 at all costs.

Megan+Adam · March 2012

People will tell you that drink tickets are tacky (and they have a point) and that should should just have a dry wedding, but I've gotta be honest, I'd rather have 2-5 drinks than no drinks.

Also if something is regionally accepted then I see less of a problem with it.

redheadfsu · March 2012

Does the venue have options for an open bar? Like just beer or wine? Or just a signature drink? Will they not work with you at all? If so, why did you book it?

Do not have drink tickets. Please! Andtell the venue coordinator that it is tacky.

MrsGandthebeag · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-bar-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5790aef1-1c0e-422d-a31a-328cfc555efcPost:13764515-40d7-4109-bf20-3f76d9d9b0c3">Re: Another bar question...</a>:
[QUOTE]People will tell you that drink tickets are tacky (and they have a point) and that should should just have a dry wedding, but I've gotta be honest, I'd rather have 2-5 drinks than no drinks. Also if something is regionally accepted then I see less of a problem with it.
Posted by Megan+Adam[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this 100%. </div>

vikingmom806 · March 2012

I'm not sure if the venue has limited open bar/signature drink options. I thought I would check on here for ideas first, before contacting the venue with no direction - plus my wedding is in Iowa, and I'm in California, it's not always the easiest to contact them.

I posted this on another board and got similar responses. I like the limited bar option, but I still don't know if I can even afford that, so I might end up having a dry wedding, but again, it still won't stop people from leaving to go get a drink.

yellowrose314 · March 2012

I guess I'm the voice of dessent, because I don't find drink tickets tacky at all. Not everyone can afford to pay $3000+ for an open bar. In addition, I always find that people are a lot more wasteful with their drinks when there's an open bar. I was a bridesmaid in 3 weddings with open bars, and at the end of the night we had to clean up hundreds of half empty glasses that people had put down and forgot about before going to get another drink. It's a huge waste.

If drink tickets are regionally acceptable where you're from, then do drink tickets. Or pay for a signature cocktail/wine for the table or both and do a cash bar.

I know people feel pretty strongly about this cash bar/open bar issue, but sorry, not all of us can afford to spend $20,000+ on a wedding, some of us are on a budget. I think some of you need to stop criticizing and being so snarky about this issue, it's kind of coming of as snobbish... but that's just my opinion.

myname1234 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-bar-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5790aef1-1c0e-422d-a31a-328cfc555efcPost:3e45a7d6-65c3-4d47-b0a7-96070a9c9672">Re: Another bar question...</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm the voice of dessent, because I don't find drink tickets tacky at all. Not everyone can afford to pay $3000+ for an open bar. In addition, I always find that people are a lot more wasteful with their drinks when there's an open bar. I was a bridesmaid in 3 weddings with open bars, and at the end of the night we had to clean up hundreds of half empty glasses that people had put down and forgot about before going to get another drink. It's a huge waste. If drink tickets are regionally acceptable where you're from, then do drink tickets. Or pay for a signature cocktail/wine for the table or both and do a cash bar. I know people feel pretty strongly about this cash bar/open bar issue, <strong>but sorry, not all of us can afford to spend $20,000+ on a wedding, some of us are on a budget. I think some of you need to stop criticizing and being so snarky about this issue,</strong> it's kind of coming of as snobbish... but that's just my opinion.
Posted by yellowrose314[/QUOTE]

maybe it wasn't your intent, but this rubbed me the wrong way.

OP post said "what is proper etiquette" and that was the proper etiquette answer.   Cash bars are considered an etiquette no-no. plain and simple.

There is nothing snobbish or snarky about answering a pretty clear cut question.

What she does with it, is totally up to her. If OP can't afford an open bar, don't have one. If she wants tickets, have them. Her wedding, her choice.

But the "is it proper etiquette" answer remains the same.

And back to your point, I didn't spend anywhere near $20K for my wedding, and I'm having an open bar. I limited some of the options (not top shelf, etc) and limited the guest list to be able to get this into something I could afford.     I cut out a photobooth, and opted for chicken options over steak.

A person can quite easily work within their budget and still do things correctly from an etiquette standpoint.   They are not mutually exclusive.

dubird · March 2012

Is there an option to bring your own alcohol? That's what we're doing, and by picking out things ourself, we're saving a ton of money, simply because we know what people will want and can plan accordingly!

And honestly, I don't really have an opinion on drink tickets. Granted, I've only been to a couple of weddings, and those when I was really young, but if I went to a wedding with drink tickets, I wouldn't have an issue with it. I think it all depends on the area you're in, the venue, and the people you're inviting. That's true of a lot of things, not just alcohol for the reception. Some people think dance cards are tacky, some people are from areas that use them at all weddings. Any advice you get here, or anywhere online, is good for building a consensus and getting a feel for what is generally the right thing to do ettiqutte-wise, but you still have to consider your own situation and group of friends and family. If drink tickets are a thing where your wedding will be and no one there will be offended by it, I don't see a problem with it.

aragx6 · March 2012

YellowRose: My best friend just threw an entire wedding for what you claim the open bar would cost and she properly hosted her guests. Was it canned beer and boxed wine? Yes. But she properly hosted her guests. If you don't like that advice, I'm going to say the Etiquette forum is not a great place for you.

stefaniewattie · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-bar-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5790aef1-1c0e-422d-a31a-328cfc555efcPost:13764515-40d7-4109-bf20-3f76d9d9b0c3">Re: Another bar question...</a>:
[QUOTE]People will tell you that drink tickets are tacky (and they have a point) and that should should just have a dry wedding, but I've gotta be honest, I'd rather have 2-5 drinks than no drinks. Also if something is regionally accepted then I see less of a problem with it.
Posted by Megan+Adam[/QUOTE]

I have to agree with this. Where Im from, it is "weird" and seen as "snobbish" to have an OPEN bar.. My mom has been to 2 open bars in her entire life..and my wedding planner does approx 25 weddings/year and 2-3 of those are open bars.
Clearly its just my area, because when I came on TK I was shocked that this is a faux pas, because its what were used to. Is it proper etiquette? As I have learned? No its not ok, etiquette wise.
If its normal and acceptable in your family, circle, area..then dont worry about it, your not inviting the etiquette board ladies to your wedding. As a guest, I would rather be able to buy my own drink than be told I can only have beer or wine (I hate both) or worse not be able to have anything.. Do not stress your self out, or run yourself dry financially over an open bar.

jennipea382 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-bar-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5790aef1-1c0e-422d-a31a-328cfc555efcPost:e1704106-e1ee-4789-849b-0eb49b9eb21b">Re: Another bar question...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another bar question... : I have to agree with this. Where Im from, it is "weird" and seen as "snobbish" to have an OPEN bar.. My mom has been to 2 open bars in her entire life..and my wedding planner does approx 25 weddings/year and 2-3 of those are open bars. Clearly its just my area, because when I came on TK I was shocked that this is a faux pas, because its what were used to. Is it proper etiquette? As I have learned? No its not ok, etiquette wise. If its normal and acceptable in your family, circle, area..then dont worry about it, your not inviting the etiquette board ladies to your wedding. As a guest, I would rather be able to buy my own drink than be told I can only have beer or wine (I hate both) or worse not be able to have anything.. Do not stress your self out, or run yourself dry financially over an open bar.
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel on the topic. Is any sort of cash bar against etiquette? Yes. Is it accepted in some areas? Absolutely. Same with a lot of other traditions like the dollar dance. These things are both totally normal in my area, but I would never tell anyone it is ok etiquette-wise.

Keeping in mind what I just said, I like the idea of hosting beer, wine, and maybe a signature drink with liquor being cash or from the other bar. Trust me, people will go to the other bar. At a friend's wedding, they hosted a certain amount of wine and beer. Once that was gone, the bartender let me know that a glass of wine was cheaper in the attached bar during happy hour. So.. I went and got one there and brought it back. I had no problem with that personally. If the bar is just next door or something, people will probably do it. That's their choice.

Following proper etiquette, I'd suggest just hosting beer, wine and a signature cocktail, being something most people might drink. Maybe a vodka or rum drink. I think that venue has some pretty crappy options. I mean, full open bar, drink tickets or nothing? My venue offers tickets too but they have different bar options as well. Those options seem strange to me.. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

vikingmom806 · March 2012

I unfortunately, for any caterering or alcohol options, have to use what the venue provides, or use caterers/bar tenders/etc. that are designated by city hall, since they handle all the renting, etc. So I can't bring in any of my own alcohol or perishable food. I'm sure that probably sounds really weird to a lot of you, but it's itty-bitty Iowa - everybody knows everybody, and most people are related...haha (but I love it). This is a SUPER small town, but it's my home town...:)

I'm going to call them tomorrow and ask how much a wine/beer/signature drink option would be.

Thanks for all the classy advice, ladies!

yellowrose314 · March 2012

Apologies to anyone I might have offended by my earlier post. I was having a really bad day, and spoke very rashly when I shouldn't have. Apologies to the OP if that post rubbed you the wrong way as well.

vikingmom806 · March 2012

No worries here. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I like diversity and having persepctives of varying degrees, gives a better "bigger picture". Knowing the by the book, strict ettique rules is awesome, too.

Another bar question...

Re: Another bar question...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards