I can't really explain how I'm feeling because I feel like I'm feeling everything all at once.
Growing up I never had a good example of marriage or how to raise children within my own family. I always looked outside my family in the ones around me.
There was a family across the street from us that was the perfect family to me. The wife, P, and the husband, J, always seemed to get along and their two children were perfect. I soaked up everything I could from them. I have known P and J for almost as long as I can remember, and I have known their children for their entire lives. I was their go to babysitter because their children would only listen to me and I wouldn't give into their silly children mind tricks.
My mother informed me today that P and J are separting. The couple I took all my knowledge of marriage from is separating. I am in distress.
They discovered recently that they have just grown separate ways and that they want to separate before they become bitter and argue all the time. The whole family still plans to attend our wedding together.
This all came up as my mom was talking to P and my MOH's mother about my wedding. My mom mentioned that she is making my wedding dress. P then says that she wants to give me her wedding dress and has wanted to give it to me for a little while now. Of course my mom is a little taken aback and asks if P wants to save it for her 17 year old daughter. But P says that she doesn't think her daughter would like the style and that she really wants to give the dress to me. I am so honored. It makes me incredibly happy to know that I touched her life in a way that she feels I'm special enough to wear the dress she wore on her wedding day.
The nice thing is that the dress isn't exactly what I want and will need modifications so my mom will still be able to make it my dream dress. I know it was important for her to make my dress. I feel a little bad accepting the dress because I think it made my mom feel guilty about getting rid of her wedding dress, but she told me she had decided her dress was cursed since the marriage ended in a bitter divorce. But she still gets to make the dress my dream dress and she seems to be excited about that. She was telling me all about the modifications she will be making.
So, anyway, I am incredibly sad and ecstatic at the same time and it's difficult!