hi ladies i am kind of torn. I feel like fi's family is adding a lot of undue stress. Here is the newest thing:
fiance is really close to his younger cousin, she is like a sister to him. She grew up ina really broken home nad her mom had a lot of mental health issues (my fiances mom's sister)...so she often spent time at fi's parents house, for dinner, sleep overs etc. She is 10 years younger so he really cared about her.
She is 16 and in high school now. She no longer lives with her mother, and instead lives 5 hours south with her aunt and uncle (my fiances aunt and uncle).
That aunt and uncle run a business that is based from their home and they can not leave it to attend our wedding. They haven't TOLD us this, but its been kind of unspoken for a while.
Since they couldn't come, they paid for fi's grandparents to come --since they were struggling financially and on a limited budget.
His cousin, was always assuming she would come. She's been saving for two years to come out here. Now I got an email today from fi's mom that said she isn't coming anymore because she had a bad report card and also she did't save enough money.
I know everyone grows up differently and i grew up in a family that woul;nd't expect a 16 yr old to plan and pay for a trip cross country.She's only a few hundred dollars short-and she can stay in the hotel room w her grandparents....
I had offered to chip ina bit of money- but to be honest, finances are really tight for us. (obvi we are paying for a wedding)
I was hoping the rest of the family would too
but I don't know if its my place to contact fi's aunt and say "hey we are willing to chip in and pay for her meals while she is here or something to help it so she can come out...." or if that is rude? Obvisously they made the decision and told her she couldn't go
i think its to punish her for her bad report card, more so than the monetary aspect
and i feellike in realtity the person being punished is my fiance. He consideres his cousin his sibling and he is so upset over this.
Am i wrong to contact the aunt and ask her what the deal is?
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Re: what would you do
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I agree that your wedding should not be regarded as a 'treat' or inversely as a 'punishment' but that's the way the Aunt and Uncle are looking at it, so the only way to 'fix' this is for your FI to talk to them.
You should both be prepared for the conversation to not work.
I was kind of hoping to word the e-mail like I wanted to say "i know it would mean a lot to my fiance".To be honest I feel bad to make him "step in" on YET another family issue. This has been like the 20th thing. He is consistantly the"bad" guy cuz he has to make calls or send e-mails.
For example his parents not booking flights, his aunt not rsvping to my shower, etc.
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She shared a room the last time she went away to a wedding with his grandparents that's why I mention that. For me, as a teen that would be weird! but for her probably not- the rooms are suites so there is apull out in a separte living area- so maybe its ok.Plus she lived with them for 3-4 years in the past.
I just feel bad shes shuffled around and she means a lot ot my fiance he wanted her to do a reading--sooooo annoying.
my family isnt like this, so its hard to deal w a family that is so segmented. We are very close and we talk all the time!
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