Honoring our LGBT family and friends

acanon526 · January 2013

My fiancé and I could not be more grateful that we have the privilege and right to have our relationship and commitment to one another legally recognized as a straight couple. As I plan our wedding I am constantly reminded that not all people have this opportunity. We would like to acknowledge/recognize this in some way. We were thinking of having a link on our wedding website where people could make a donation in our honor to an organization working towards marriage equality, in lieu of getting a gift we have registered for.

I am also concidering choosing a poem or passage to read during the ceremony that talks about the subject. We have a dear friend who identifies as a lesbian and I was thinking of asking her to do the reading. I would like for the passage to not just be a political statement but also something that acknowledges love, all types.

Has anyone ever heard if this being done at the ceremony? Thoughts? Ideas for a reading?

AddieCake · January 2013

Donations can be a hot buton issue b/c not everyone supports everyone else's causes and charities. I also don't think your wedding is the place to make a political statement via a reading. It's not a political platform.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:cde9e9d0-4bf4-4e30-b344-9ec68a9c22f0">Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancé and I could not be more grateful that we have the privilege and right to have our relationship and commitment to one another legally recognized as a straight couple. As I plan our wedding I am constantly reminded that not all people have this opportunity. We would like to acknowledge/recognize this in some way. We were thinking of having a link on our wedding website where people could make a donation in our honor to an organization working towards marriage equality, in lieu of getting a gift we have registered for. I am also concidering choosing a poem or passage to read during the ceremony that talks about the subject. We have a dear friend who identifies as a lesbian and I was thinking of asking her to do the reading. I would like for the passage to not just be a political statement but also something that acknowledges love, all types. Has anyone ever heard if this being done at the ceremony? Thoughts? Ideas for a reading?
Posted by acanon526[/QUOTE]

I think that if you want to push the cause of marriage equality, or for that matter any other cause, you need to do it separately from your wedding. By all means make donations from your own funds, but don't press others to do so.

Don't use your wedding as a fundraiser or awareness-raising event. Being preached to about such matters or solicited for donations is not why people are attending your wedding. And bringing up how unfortunate it is that guests at your wedding can't legally marry might be embarrassing or hurtful to those guests.

MairePoppy · January 2013

I agree with Addie.

Your wedding should be about celebrating the start of your marriage. It's not a time to solicit donations from your guests, who probably have their own causes that they support.

You and your fi should make a donation to the organization of your choice, in honor of your marriage. It could be a nice tradition for the two of you, to remember those that don't have the same rights as you, each year on your anniversary.

Ask your friend to do a reading because she is your friend, not because of her sexual orientation. You should get her input on the reading.

acanon526 · January 2013

Thanks! After reading the comments I'm actually leaning towards not doing the reading during the ceremony, so as not to make it political. However, I disagree with people about the donations. Making a donation in our name would be an ALTERNATIVE to buying us a gift. If people disagreed with the cause, there would be no pressure. They could simply buy a gift. In the past, I have received christmas/birthday gifts that were donations were made in my honor. I personally much preferred those types of gifts that give back to my community as opposed to money given to greedy corporations like Bed Bath and Beyond. I guess I don't see the harm in giving people the option......

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I respect your decision to honor your friends & family. I have two nieces who are gay plus several other relatives within our joined families who are gay. One idea on how to honor the organization is you can take the money you would spend on favors and make a donation to them and just put up a sign or make an announcement during your toast that instead of doing favors you've made a donation to said organization which supports many things that are important to you and leave it at that. I wouldn't go into details on what issues specifically, just that you're making a donation to them.

MairePoppy · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:0683860d-9998-4c09-a09d-ba3e4eeb2774">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]I respect your decision to honor your friends & family. I have two nieces who are gay plus several other relatives within our joined families who are gay. One idea on how to honor the organization is you can<strong> take the money you would spend on favors and make a donation to them and just put up a sign or make an announcement during your toast that instead of doing favors you've made a donation</strong> to said organization which supports many things that are important to you and leave it at that. I wouldn't go into details on what issues specifically, just that you're making a donation to them.
Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]

It's fine to skip the favors, but don't make the donation as a token to your guests. It's not for them, it's for you. Make the donation in your own names, in honor of your very special occasion. There's no need for an announcement, but if you want one, make an unobtrusive note in your wedding program.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:912e7c7a-3446-42af-bc18-7ca5bd5a6820">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks! After reading the comments I'm actually leaning towards not doing the reading during the ceremony, so as not to make it political. However, I disagree with people about the donations. Making a donation in our name would be an ALTERNATIVE to buying us a gift. If people disagreed with the cause, there would be no pressure. They could simply buy a gift. In the past, I have received christmas/birthday gifts that were donations were made in my honor. I personally much preferred those types of gifts that give back to my community as opposed to money given to greedy corporations like Bed Bath and Beyond. I guess I don't see the harm in giving people the option......
Posted by acanon526[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but I fully disagree with this. If people want to make donations in anyone's name (including their own or someone else's) or give you gifts, those are their decisions to make-not yours. And your wedding should NOT be treated as a fundraiser for any cause. If you want to donate anything to any charity that you already own or have received as a gift, you need to do it for yourself and in your own name. Leave third parties like your guests out of it.

acanon526 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:e76299f4-dcd2-46d6-bad7-8c929a9362d6">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : Sorry, but I fully disagree with this. If people want to make donations in anyone's name (including their own or someone else's) or give you gifts, those are their decisions to make-not yours. And your wedding should NOT be treated as a fundraiser for any cause. If you want to donate anything to any charity that you already own or have received as a gift, you need to do it for yourself and in your own name. Leave third parties like your guests out of it.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

I really do appreciate the feedback, but I am just not following your logic. Giving a wedding gift to a bride and groom is about choosing something the couple will enjoy and appreciate. The whole point of a wedding registry is to give guests ideas of things you would like. You are not making decisions for anyone, just simply giving suggestions. People are free to choose gifts not listed on the registry.

So....my fiance and I would like and appreciate to recieve a gift in the form of a donation to a charity. I just don't see the harm in giving people that option. Since my original post I have researched the topic and can't seem to find anyone (aside from people on this message board) who thinks this is improper etiquette.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:076748d1-5176-423a-aa5c-d2f089c6a86d">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : I really do appreciate the feedback, but I am just not following your logic. Giving a wedding gift to a bride and groom is about choosing something the couple will enjoy and appreciate. The whole point of a wedding registry is to give guests ideas of things you would like. You are not making decisions for anyone, just simply giving suggestions. People are free to choose gifts not listed on the registry. So....my fiance and I would like and appreciate to recieve a gift in the form of a donation to a charity. I just don't see the harm in giving people that option. Since my original post I have researched the topic and can't seem to find anyone (aside from people on this message board) who thinks this is improper etiquette.
Posted by acanon526[/QUOTE]

<div>Out of curiousity, let's say I came to your wedding and gave you cash as a gift. Are you going to use that cash to donate to your cause, or will you spend it on something for yourself? </div>

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:076748d1-5176-423a-aa5c-d2f089c6a86d">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : I really do appreciate the feedback, but I am just not following your logic. Giving a wedding gift to a bride and groom is about choosing something the couple will enjoy and appreciate. The whole point of a wedding registry is to give guests ideas of things you would like. You are not making decisions for anyone, just simply giving suggestions. People are free to choose gifts not listed on the registry. So....my fiance and I would like and appreciate to recieve a gift in the form of a donation to a charity. I just don't see the harm in giving people that option. Since my original post I have researched the topic and can't seem to find anyone (aside from people on this message board) who thinks this is improper etiquette.
Posted by acanon526[/QUOTE]

The difference with charitable gifts is:

1) If you want to donate to charity of your own funds, that's fine. You can cash checks others give to you as gifts and donate them or use them any way you like. They are your funds and it's not for anyone else to tell you what to do with them. But this same logic holds for other people's money too. It's not for you to tell them what to do with it because it isn't your money. If someone doesn't feel like donating it and wants to buy or give you a gift with it instead, while you can donate that gift to charity if and once you get it, you cannot pre-empt the process by telling them to donate it on your behalf. That's rude.

2) For the umpteenth time, weddings are not fundraisers. People do not attend them to have awareness of those the couple considers "in need" or "less fortunate" brought to their attention. They attend in order to have a good time, and in fact, they might think that bringing this up lessens their enjoyment of the occasion.

3) For many people, charitable giving is a private act, and they have their own charities that they support. They may not agree with giving to the cause you tell them to give to.

acanon526 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:c6b38997-d0b8-4f86-abc4-1ac2aeb77be8">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : Out of curiousity, let's say I came to your wedding and gave you cash as a gift. Are you going to use that cash to donate to your cause, or will you spend it on something for yourself?
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

In all honesty I had not concidered it. Perhaps yes! Or maybe a portion of cash wedding gifts could go towards a donation

acanon526 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:ca6a7381-f5ad-4889-a803-1c977f91016c">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : The difference with charitable gifts is: 1) If you want to donate to charity of your own funds, that's fine. You can cash checks others give to you as gifts and donate them or use them any way you like. They are your funds and it's not for anyone else to tell you what to do with them. But this same logic holds for other people's money too. It's not for you to tell them what to do with it because it isn't your money. If someone doesn't feel like donating it and wants to buy or give you a gift with it instead, while you can donate that gift to charity if and once you get it, you cannot pre-empt the process by telling them to donate it on your behalf. That's rude. 2) For the umpteenth time, weddings are not fundraisers. People do not attend them to have awareness of those the couple considers "in need" or "less fortunate" brought to their attention. They attend in order to have a good time, and in fact, they might think that bringing this up lessens their enjoyment of the occasion. 3) For many people, charitable giving is a private act, and they have their own charities that they support. They may not agree with giving to the cause you tell them to give to.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

But once again, the donation is simply a SUGGESTION in replacement to a gift. We have lived together for 3 years now and have very little need for a new toaster or towels. Its rude to "pre-empt the process" by asking/giving an option (not telling as you stated)??? How is that any different that having a gift registry?

While I understand that wedding etiquette is important, I also think it is more important to honor who we are as a couple. My fiance and I both work for non-profits and are very involved in our communties. Social awareness and social advocay is a big part of who we are as a couple. We want to incorporate that in our wedding. We don't see people as being "needy" as you stated, which I find to be offensive. But we do recognize our privlidge and the fact that there are lots of injustices in the world. Incorporating this into our wedding is not about bringing the mood down. It is about starting our marriage with a commitment to being socially active and compassionate people. Please understand that we do things on our own as a couple. But we would like to invite our family and friends to join us, if they feel so inclined. And if they don't there is no judgement! And knowing our family and friends, I feel confident that not all, but most, share these same sentiments.

I guess different brides have different opinions about what is appropriate and what is not.

Barbiiieee · January 2013

I just think it is suuuuuupppper uncomfortable. People buy couples wedding gifts as a way to help them start their new married life together. If you don't need anything, don't register for anything... but really, you don't need ANY upgrades? My FI and I have lived together for a couple years, and we need some new stuff so we did register for new towels and upgraded cookware and things.

I see your point, that if you figure people might buy you gifts, you'd rather do the donation, but IMO, it is kind of silly and rude to ask them to spend money on something so unrelated to your lives together. I would get it if you were a same sex couple doing a commitment ceremony in a state where it wasn't legal... but it seems weird coming from a same sex couple. And I mean that as someone who certainly believes in marriage equality.

And something so politically charged... I would just steer clear of it. I really talk about my personal beliefs openly, but I don't know that a wedding is the place. I attended the wedding of a co-worker last year, and one of our other co-workers actually left the reception right after it started because she was so offended the couple had made a donation in the guest's names to a breast cancer charity that provides funding to Planned Parenthood. I know that isn't exactly what you're doing, but I would really keep your wedding focused on the relationship between you and your FI.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:0377de8c-dd67-486f-ba92-28187531da7c">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : In all honesty I had not concidered it. Perhaps yes! Or maybe a portion of cash wedding gifts could go towards a donation
Posted by acanon526[/QUOTE]

<div>I think if you're dead set on doing it and as you mentioned before, you would prefer this be the gift instead of giving you any gifts, then I think you need to donate any and all your cash gifts to this cause. I find it odd that you hadn't considered it and are thinking of giving only a portion of it. If people hadn't given you the cash and donated it, you wouldn't have it, and if that's what you claim you want 100%, you should donate all of it. </div>

acanon526 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:14550ab8-7e20-472d-8537-33118c224369">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : I think if you're dead set on doing it and as you mentioned before, you would prefer this be the gift instead of giving you any gifts, then I think you need to donate any and all your cash gifts to this cause. I find it odd that you hadn't considered it and are thinking of giving only a portion of it. If people hadn't given you the cash and donated it, you wouldn't have it, and if that's what you claim you want 100%, you should donate all of it.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000105 EndHTML:0000003502 StartFragment:0000002309 EndFragment:0000003466

<p class="MsoNormal">A common theme from several people in this conversation is, "what if people don't agree with the cause." So, in line with that way of thinking, wouldn't some guests be upset to know their wedding money was given to an organization whose mission they disagreed with? I would much prefer to be given the option on a list of registry ideas. That way if I didn’t want my money going to that cause, I could give a gift of my choosing. This is what I plan to do.

Please don't question my motives. I don’t think its odd at all that I have not considered that, there are lots of decisions to be made and things to sort through!!! Thanks for the suggestion to give of donating 100% of our cash gift. I am seriously considering it.

For any brides who are thinking of asking for donations and looking to this conversation for actual ideas NOT judgmental comments from women who got married years ago and are still spending their days writing 1,000s of comments on wedding message boards, here is a great resource I have found:

<a href="https://www.idofoundation.org/welcome/registries/donationregistry.html" rel="nofollow">https://www.idofoundation.org/welcome/registries/donationregistry.html</a></p>

acanon526 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:3b23f24f-4654-43e9-b2a2-c39063f8d31f">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Addie. Your wedding should be about celebrating the start of your marriage. It's not a time to solicit donations from your guests, who probably have their own causes that they support. You and your fi should make a donation to the organization of your choice, in honor of your marriage. It could be a nice tradition for the two of you, to remember those that don't have the same rights as you, each year on your anniversary. Ask your friend to do a reading because she is your friend, not because of her sexual orientation. You should get her input on the reading.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

Ohh of course not! This particular friend will be reading something at our wedding because we love her, not because she is a lesbian! Even if we don't choose a passage related to marriage equality, she will be reading something!

MairePoppy · January 2013

Okay- anyone with more than 999 posts must leave TK - Now. Acanon does not want to hear from a bunch of married old hags. Addie and Jen, that includes you. Your post counts are
getting up there : )

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:2377a0cd-db48-4f6c-9ee5-115caf2622cb">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000105 EndHTML:0000003502 StartFragment:0000002309 EndFragment:0000003466 A common theme from several people in this conversation is, "what if people don't agree with the cause." So, in line with that way of thinking, wouldn't some guests be upset to know their wedding money was given to an organization whose mission they disagreed with? I would much prefer to be given the option on a list of registry ideas. That way if I didn’t want my money going to that cause, I could give a gift of my choosing. This is what I plan to do. Please don't question my motives. I don’t think its odd at all that I have not considered that, there are lots of decisions to be made and things to sort through!!! Thanks for the suggestion to give of donating 100% of our cash gift. I am seriously considering it. For any brides who are thinking of asking for donations and looking to this conversation for actual ideas NOT judgmental comments from women who got married years ago and are still spending their days writing 1,000s of comments on wedding message boards, here is a great resource I have found: <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.idofoundation.org/welcome/registries/donationregistry.html">https://www.idofoundation.org/welcome/registries/donationregistry.html</a>
Posted by acanon526[/QUOTE]

No one questions your motives. You posted on an etiquette board, so we are answering your questions about the etiquette of what you want to do. The etiquette of charity and weddings is that the two don't mix.

The couple, if they choose, may make donations to charity out of their own funds but does not ask their guests to do so-not even as a "gift" to the couple. Nor does the couple "incorporate" awareness-raising into their event. Nor does the couple donate "in lieu" of favors.

This is in fact the same reason why one does not announce, for example, the birthdays, anniversaries, etc. of other persons at a wedding or use it to make a public proposal-it turns the wedding into a bait-and-switch. Your guests are there to see YOU get married. They are not accepting your invitations for ANYTHING other than you getting married.

It doesn't matter what kind of people you and your FI normally are. It is just not appropriate to incorporate charity or politics into your wedding by asking others to donate or even to subject them to presentations about whoever you consider less fortunate in whatever way or causes unrelated to your wedding.

AddieCake · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:537e4857-03fc-42dc-8858-01c0d81e8125">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay- anyone with more than 999 posts must leave TK - Now. Acanon does not want to hear from a bunch of married old hags. Addie and Jen, that includes you. Your post counts are getting up there : )
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, Ma'am! I'm so ashamed of posting here AFTER my wedding. I hope I can be forgiven! </div><div>
</div><div>I hope OP isn't asking for advice from any of her relatives or friends who have ever been married. And I hope if they offer her advice, she tells them, "You're already married. You have no business trying to help me plan a wedding! What do YOU know?! GOSH!"</div>

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:95f176fe-d961-4e86-991c-e910de131e0e">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends : Yes, Ma'am! I'm so ashamed of posting here AFTER my wedding. I hope I can be forgiven! I hope OP isn't asking for advice from any of her relatives or friends who have ever been married. And I hope if they offer her advice, she tells them, "You're already married. You have no business trying to help me plan a wedding! What do YOU know?! GOSH!"
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

If she does that, so much for her "special day with friends and family."

ljsquintz · January 2013

As one PP said, at the end of your program, I would add an acknowledgement of your appreciation for your marriage being legally recognized (or whatever you said your original post).
I suggest being careful about your comment regarding people posting after their weddings - there is some great advice out there and you're shooting yourself in the foot with comments like that. People will be hesitant to offer advice or positive comments if they know you won't appreciate or care about it.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:bf84d3a3-c396-429a-b432-c4e7b9946416">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]As one PP said, at the end of your program,<strong> I would add an acknowledgement of your appreciation for your marriage being legally recognized (or whatever you said your original post).</strong> I suggest being careful about your comment regarding people posting after their weddings - there is some great advice out there and you're shooting yourself in the foot with comments like that. People will be hesitant to offer advice or positive comments if they know you won't appreciate or care about it.
Posted by ljsquintz[/QUOTE]

Doing this might still be too blatant for people not to get that it's about those LGBTs who are actually present.

They may not want to have their specific personal situation pointed out. So I'd skip it. The OP's wedding is not about the fact that other persons can't legally marry.

BoxOfRocks · January 2013

I agree with the above posters regarding not asking guests to donate directly to a cause although it's fine if you want to use your gifts to do so (after they have been given to you, you're free to do with them what you please). I agree that you shouldn't address your LGBT friends' specific situations either.

However, if you want a subtle, more general acknowledgement of your beliefs in marriage equality, I suggest a reading from Goodrich v. Department of Health, the Mass. case establishing marriage equality in that state. I know of multiple couples who included this in their weddings with some language tweaks (like omitting a reference to collecting "important epidemiological and demographic data"). I've included the portion below that I've seen most often, without the omissions mentioned except for citations to other cases. The link to the full ruling is at the bottom of this post.

"Without question, civil marriage enhances the welfare of the community. It is a social institution of the highest importance. Civil marriage anchors an ordered society by encouraging stable relationships over transient ones. It is central to the way the commonwealth identifies individuals, provides for the orderly distribution of property, ensures that children and adults are cared for and supported whenever possible from private rather than public funds, and tracks important epidemiological and demographic data.

"Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition.... It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a 'civil right.'"

http://masscases.com/cases/sjc/440/440mass309.html

TKzilla · January 2013

I like what Retread said. Just a quick, simple acknowegement of your joy at your wedding, and maybe express hope that someday others you love will be able to experience the same elation.

It doesn't have to be like "Hey we got married and maybe one day the gays will, too!" but I think you could integrate it into a toast or maybe on the program in a small, not in-your-face kind of way.

Skip the donations part, it just gets tricky. Just my opinion. But I'm with you. My uncle is gay and he has been with his partner longer than a lot of straight couples I know. I've briefly considered giving my bouquet to them instead of the traditional toss, but my FI's family is very conservative and I don't think they'd appreciate the gesture at all. I think for me, the only mention I will make is to them in private. Something like "Thank you so much for coming to my wedding. I hope someday I'll be able to attend yours."

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-our-lgbt-family-and-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:654e2cca-2012-4e02-a78b-8b931d575348Post:46844536-c9c9-4fbd-8610-09df148bcc69">Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends</a>:
[QUOTE]What about: "<strong>Joe and Sue celebrate the joy that is marriage on this day,</strong> and our thoughts and prayers are with those who are denied this civil right by current law. <strong>We lend our voices to support for this right for all."</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

The bolded parts are fine. Mentioning "thoughts and prayers are with" sounds like giving a condolence because they're the same words.

Honoring our LGBT family and friends

Re: Honoring our LGBT family and friends

Choose Another Board

Search Boards