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Wedding Planning (Please don't make me do this!)

kevinlovescherylkevinlovescheryl
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in Wedding Woes

Firstly, this is probably the wrong site for this post.  Secondly, I love my FH and really do want to marry him.  I just really am disinterested in planning a wedding.  It doesn't seem fun.  It seems awful.  We have already negated picking out formal invitations, registering for gifts, having a bridal party, wearing a white dress and tux and an aisle... oh, and chairs.  And I am still disinterested and I feel awful about it.  Our families really want a wedding and he is thinking of it as a giant, awesome party.  I know that eloping is not an option in his mind - though I still bring it up all the time.  I feel like this is some sort of big, crazy social obligation that has perpetuated for centuries.  Am here I am, stuck right in it.  Planning an event that should be one of the most memorable of my life, but just doing it for everyone else.  And waiting for it to all be over, so that we can continue our happy life together.

I don't know what to do.  I'm at a loss. 

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Re: Wedding Planning (Please don't make me do this!)

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    TKzillaTKzilla member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    It's just a day.
    image
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    kevinlovescherylkevinlovescheryl
    First Comment
    ...with months worth of planning.
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    goose5019goose5019
    First Comment
    I am in the same boat.... ITs a waste of time. THis is more for the family than anything. I love him but this wedding is making me tired
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    redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    First Comment
    You need to get on the same page with your FI. There is a middle ground between eloping and a huge wedding. You need to keep in mind that while the actual marriage is far more important than the wedding, that being too negative about the event can translate to being disinterested in the marriage.


     Are there any parts of the wedding that you are some what interested in? Pick the parts that you can live with being a part of and help out on those. You could also have your FI narrow down each area to 1-3 choices and then you can let him know which one you like best. (such as 3 bouqets, 3 menus, etc) That way he does most of the work and you are still involved with minimal stress.
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2012
    If you're only having the wedding because he wants it, he should take the lead in planning it.  There's no magic rule that requires you to plan something you don't want just because you happen to be the owner of the vagina in the relationship.

    Tell your FI what you ARE willing to plan (maybe a small ceremony for immediate family only followed by lunch or something relatively simple like that?) and tell him that unless he's willing to do the planning work, that's the wedding you're having.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
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    flower_divaflower_diva member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    you need to hire a wedding planner. Find one that will fit your needs. They will do as much or as little of the planning as you want. They ask you for your preferences and help you make the decisions. Find out what they charge and back it out from a budget..........it will be worth every penny .....JMO
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    ElleB87ElleB87 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-planning-please-dont-make-me-do-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:1b2c83c3-69b0-4a27-8da7-2f99581f9474Post:4ee279d6-8c24-406b-95c9-ebebe58fab87">Re: Wedding Planning (Please don't make me do this!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]you need to hire a wedding planner. Find one that will fit your needs. They will do as much or as little of the planning as you want. They ask you for your preferences and help you make the decisions. Find out what they charge and back it out from a budget..........it will be worth every penny .....JMO
    Posted by flower_diva[/QUOTE]

    You do realize that it's pretty pointless for her to do this. She's not overwhelmed with choices, looking for an industry insider to guide her along. She's just not interested whatsoever in planning. She's essentially having a big wedding because her FI wants one, so he should be doing the majority of the planning.
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    joneswedding13joneswedding13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I thought the planning would be fun.  I am totally interested in all aspects of that part.  I wish I wasn't.  I like the above suggestion of you being given three choices and making a decision from there.  I also think that if you wan a small intimate gathering that is what you should have.  It is your day. 
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    dancingthrulifedancingthrulife member
    First Comment
    Maybe check out some offbeat bride resources? While I'm having a pretty traditional wedding, I enjoyed the books and sites I visited off the beaten path because they made it sound more like a party than a planning nightmare. Might be a place to find ideas and reconnect with the spirit of the day.

    (I'm afraid I don't remember titles/links offhand, but it's nothing a quick Google search or library visit won't provide for you)
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    rachelm13rachelm13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-planning-please-dont-make-me-do-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:1b2c83c3-69b0-4a27-8da7-2f99581f9474Post:d9eb945b-aa2a-4cbb-b531-1d181032bbf0">Re: Wedding Planning (Please don't make me do this!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're only having the wedding because he wants it, he should take the lead in planning it.  There's no magic rule that requires you to plan something you don't want just because you happen to be the owner of the vagina in the relationship. Tell your FI what you ARE willing to plan (maybe a small ceremony for immediate family only followed by lunch or something relatively simple like that?) and tell him that unless he's willing to do the planning work, that's the wedding you're having.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    This.  My FH has been at every appointment, every decision so far has been made together.  I let him know from the onset what I was ok with and he told me what he wanted and we just made it work.  Compromising isn't too bad. 
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    TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    When DH and I were married, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I had no interest in anything at all wedding related, except my dress. My mom was absolutely thrilled to do everything. She would ask me if I want this or that and I would tell her just decide. My only guidance was to make it traditional.  She still talks about "her" wedding to my DH, who then asks if maybe it wasn't "his" wedding.

    Now we are planning my daughter's, and I thought I would have some input. Ho Ho Ho
    I just ask her to make it traditional.

    As my DH and I are paying for the reception, we three, DD, DD's FI, and I, found an all-inclusive place that is very traditional. Perhaps your FI or a parent can find an all-inclusive venue and then your decisions are minimal.
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    flower_divaflower_diva member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-planning-please-dont-make-me-do-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1b2c83c3-69b0-4a27-8da7-2f99581f9474Post:23becd09-2543-493a-b2bb-be6ff3f18668">Re: Wedding Planning (Please don't make me do this!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Planning (Please don't make me do this!) : You do realize that it's pretty pointless for her to do this. She's not overwhelmed with choices, looking for an industry insider to guide her along. She's just not interested whatsoever in planning. She's essentially having a big wedding because her FI wants one, so he should be doing the majority of the planning.
    Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]but if her FI wants a big wedding and she doesn't have any interest in planning it.if she decides to go along with the big wedding....That is what a Wedding Planner is for.AND after talking to one...maybe even her FI will decide HE doesn't want a large wedding. My advice still stands....sorry
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